'I will pray for you...I will pray for you!!!! That's all you could muster up to say to the man you love after a whole month of silence!!! Ugh. You are hopeless Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada!!! He was so nervous and needed a lot more than your prayers, that he knows he has... besides he doesn't even believe in DM so why would that boost any of his confidence...ugh you fool!!!
'And then you go and shut the phone like a coward!!! Uff what must he be thinking of me!! He already calls me crazy time and again...now he will even begin to believe it!! Ugh nothing can be done for you Khushi!!' sighed aloud, a flustered Khushi.
'Who are you muttering to in there Sanka-devi?!' came in an inquisitive Madhumathi. She looked around the room, but saw no one. Then cast her eyes on the phone, which now lay on the other side of the bed from where Khushi sat. For in her annoyance Khushi had flung it over there. Confused she looked over at her niece trying to figure out who she was talking to. She had hoped it was Arnav and that she had finally grown some sense and was calling her husband to take her home but that didn't seem to be the case.
'Who were you talking to, Parmaishwari?' she frowned at Khushi.
'No one Bua-ji, just myself. Who else?' replied a miffed Khushi. Not even bothering to look up at Madhumthi. As she was too irritated with herself and was in no mood to have her thoughts about herself re-iterated to her in another one of Bua-ji's lectures, which she had been receiving quite a bit lately.
Seeing Khushi, still lost in her own thoughts, and being just as 'open' as she had been the first day she had arrived to her house exasperated Madhumathi. 'Uff. You are just a nightmare Sanka devi!! You make no sense at all. You are crazy yourself, and now, are driving the rest of us insane too!! What are we to do with you!!!' Peeved and frustrated at her darling niece, she set about cleaning the room. All the while her mind fixated on the girl she loved so much, yet who she hadn't seen in over a month. Khushi. Her crazy, clumsy, bubbly Sanka-devi. For the girl who sat in the middle of the room was a mere shell of that girl.
She couldn't understand what had happened. Why she was so dull? Why she had left Arnav? It didn't make sense. Why, the Khushi who would defend Arnav at the smallest of things, who couldn't bare the smallest of separation from him, was now living away from him, happily. Ok well not happily, for she wasn't happy at all, yet was resolute about not going back or telling any of them about what had happened. If they could just find out, then maybe they could come up with a solution. But no, she wouldn't tell, she just cut them off every time they tried to discuss it with her. Arnav wouldn't say anything to them either, instead he had made it clear in his authoritative way that they were not to pester Khushi about it, and if she didn't wish to say anything then leave her be. That had muted her and Garima for a couple of days on the topic. But now it was over a month and they still weren't talking and none of the Raizada's were saying anything either.
Nani ji had been no help either for she had only restated her grand-son's words, only in a nicer way. Saying that sometimes it was best if the children were left alone to figure out their problems, because if adults intervened every time they had an issue than how would they ever learn to take care of themselves. And as for the problem, well, every problem came with a solution and so not until they figured out their problem they wouldn't be able to find the solution. Therefore one needed to leave them alone to find out what exactly was the problem. Now all that sounded good and wise, but it didn't seem to be getting Arnav and Khushi anywhere...they were still alone and miserable.
As a last resort they had turned to Payal, who was away from the house with Aakash. But hoping that may be she would know something: Garima had contacted her. They had been right, she didn't know anything was amiss, but since they had mentioned it to her she had talked to Khushi, and from what they understood had found out the gist of things. But she didn't tell them either, instead what she said horrified them more, and even earned her a severe scolding from Garima.
She confirmed their suspicions of something serious having taken place and had gone on to convey that Arnav was to blame. With that she had had the audacity to state that Khushi was in the right to leave him and if she take her advice she should continue to stay away from that monster of a man!! He may be her brother-in-law through Aakash, but Khushi was and always would be her sister first, and therefore she would put her well being first. And her heart told her that her sister deserved better!! With that cryptic advice she had shut the phone and was unwilling to state what had occurred for it disgusted her too much. Even after Garima had hollered at her for being responsible for putting such hideous ideas in her younger sister's head that would not only ruin her marriage but her life too. She had said nothing but that Khushi was better without Arnav.
Hearing all of this now had really begun to scare both her and Garima. They had deciphered from the first day that something bad had happened for as soon as the door had opened Khushi had melted into Garima's arms. And frankly speaking they weren't surprised for both Arnav and Khushi were headstrong by nature so they had always expected disputes between them, they had witnessed many themselves. That didn't worry them for differences of opinion occurred in every marriage and they were prepared to handle that, but the point was they needed to know what the dispute was about in order to resolve it, yet no one seemed to want to share. All anyone did was just exert their opinion on the matter but leave out what had actually occurred. What exactly had happened, no one would tell.
All they knew was that every time they found Khushi she was either crying or staring into space, or would have her eyes shut tight and fists bawled, as if trying to get rid of a haunting image. Nothing more. If they asked she just made up some lame excuse and changed the topic. Sometimes even put that fake smile of hers' on that broke their heart more, but recently she had stopped doing even that, she wouldn't even try to mask her feeling in front of them anymore. She wouldn't say anything or do anything. She wouldn't even make jalebi's!!
That is what turned their concern into anger, for how were they to help her if all they got was silence, sighs and sobs from her; sobs which left feeding their imagination with horrific images of what could have taken place. But Arnav didn't seem like the man who would abuse anyone, let alone his own wife. His wife that he loved so much. So it didn't make sense what could he have possibly done to earn such wrath from Payal, and separation from Khushi. No, something was wrong about what they had heard, there must be some sort of misunderstanding, for she couldn't have read him that wrong. Clearly her nieces' were under some grave misunderstanding. And that wouldn't be something new for Khushi, as she had a habit of making a mountain out of an anthill, yes that must be it. She must have done something to irritate Arnav, then gotten angry at him and therefore left. And stubborn as she was she was probably waiting for his apology. But then why would Payal side with Khushi if Khushi was wrong. Payal was as sensible girl...hmmm well of course, Payal probably only got Khushi's side of the story, she wasn't there to witness anything, and that is why she was siding with Khushi's childish behaviour. Yes that must be it!!
Reaching this resolve, for the billionth time she turned on Khushi again.
Khushi still sat on the bed. Her head hung down and her eyes shut tight again. She was trying to forget something. Seeing the pain on her face Madhumathi's heart melted and she approached her with great care and caution.
'Khushi bitya, what is it? Why are you so sad?'
'Hunh?!' Khushi eyes sprang open, she had forgotten Bua ji was still there. Her thoughts had taken her back to resenting her decision of leaving Arnav. Yet no matter how much she resented that decision she also found it hard to find her way back to him. Since the day she came here she had desperately been trying to figure out a way back to him, for she knew she couldn't live without him, but she also couldn't shake away the feeling that her husband was womaniser. A man who played with women's' hearts and never gave it a second thought. And that the only reason she was spared the heart-break was because somewhere down the line of him hurting and hating her he had crossed it and actually fallen for her.
'Khushi. Tell me my bitya. Tell me if you can't tell your mother. I know you don't want to cause her pain that's why you hold this silence, but my sweet child you can tell me can't you. I know I'm not your real aunt, but my darling I have always loved you, as I loved Payal. You both are like daughters to me, so please tell me what has happened?'
Khushi stared at her aghast. Pain, pride and insurmountable love bubbling up inside of her and forming a hot lump in her throat at hearing Bua ji's pleas. 'Please Bua ji don't think that way. I think of you as much as mine as you do me. You are my aunt so never say that you aren't!' squeaked Khushi.
'Then please bitya tell me. Tell me what plagues you so much?'
'Bua ji...I...I...It's nothing Bua ji. Nothing, I'm fi-'
'Don't even dare to say the word 'fine' Khushi, when I know for a fact that you are nowhere near close to it. Please don't insult my intelligence, I know you are not fine. Instead you are far from it!!' Blared Bua ji at Khushi, who had lost her patience at hearing Khushi's repetitive response of being fine.
'Bua ji...I...uhh...' she was lost for words, she didn't know how to explain. She didn't get it herself. She didn't understand why she didn't want them to know, they were her family if she didn't tell them then who would she tell? And yet she was determined not to tell them and had made Nani and Payal promise not to tell them either. It didn't make sense to her why she was so adamant on them not knowing, but she was.
'Ok you don't want to tell me, fine. At least tell me this, why won't you tell me? You think I won't be able to bare it? You really think in all my years I wouldn't have heard of whatever took place between you two, I mean what could he have possibly done that these old eyes and ears wouldn't have heard or seen?' questioned an exasperated Bua ji.
There it was the million dollar question, which Khushi had been asking herself for a while now. Why couldn't she tell them? Why couldn't she? What was it that stopped her from voicing Arnav's crime? It wasn't like he had done it to her, he had done it to someone else and that too a long time ago, so why did it matter? If she had been the victim of that ploy or some other sort of violence from him then it would be understandable that she wouldn't want to tell them as she wouldn't want to hurt them by revealing her scars. But these weren't her scars, even if they ached. They weren't visible but were constantly in front of her stopping her from getting past them.
'Uff...the great silence. Fine. Don't tell. Rot in your misery, its' not like we care!! Scowled Bua ji at her.
Her anger, brought a tiny smile to Khushi's face, and she leapt into her closed arms. Pushing her way into her embrace. Bua ji resisted at first, but then wrapped her in. 'Bua ji...I...just give me some time ok. I will tell you I will. But I need to figure things out on my own before I can tell you ok?'
'Promise you will tell?' Khushi gave a ready nod, all the while crossing her fingers behind her back. 'Hmpf...fine. Take all the time you need Parmaishwari, but just remember not to take too long.' Coddled a miffed and yet pacified Bua ji. She couldn't stay angry at Khushi for too long. With another tug and a slight ruffle of her hair, Bua ji left the room yelling for Garima about whether anyone planned to feed Shashi and Khushi today.
Bua ji loved her so much, and that's why she felt bad for hiding the truth from her but she couldn't help it. She didn't want her to know. She didn't want her to form the same opinion about Arnav's character that she had. It was a horrendous feeling: thinking the vilest of things about the person you once loved and respected, so she wanted to spare them that trauma...Wait...that was it!! That's why she wasn't telling them, for she didn't want them to taint their image of the man they knew and had come to love so much. Because he wasn't that man anymore, or so she wanted to believe. She did. And yet she had a hard time convincing herself. That was it. That was her problem, every time she decided that this crime was done by an Arnav who did not exist anymore she would feel a relief and would feel she could go back to him. But the very next minute doubt would settle in again and drive her insane. For it would remind her of how she never thought him capable of such a heinous act and yet he himself had admitted to not only doing it but plotting it and finding satisfaction in it for a period of time. Thus that fact would overrule and she would be back to square one, where she didn't know what to believe. Should she believe that the Arnav she had come to know and love was not this monster he talked of. That he had truly changed. Or should she remember all the torture he had put her through, that he was capable of and that he had admitted to. And with that reach the conclusion that he had not changed, and that that part of him was still inside of him somewhere. The part that still came out in his anger. The side she witnessed at Viraj's house.
Uff this was a useless debate. It got her know where, she only went round and round in circles, until she started feeling terribly dizzy and nauseated.
'Ugh this is pointless. I have gone over this stupid argument over a hundred times in my head this past month and still come to no avail!!! How on earth am supposed to reach a decision when all I can do is make my thoughts go round and round like jalebi's making them finish right where they started!! Uff!! Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada nothing can come of you!! She groaned in frustration as her eyes landed on the carving of DM that stood on her desk. She marched over to it and began the interrogation of her silent, patient friend for the gazillionth time this month.
'And you!! Why aren't you helping me?!! You call me your friend and yet you leave me in the dark, with no light to find my way back to the man I love. Find a way accept his flaws and make peace with the man he was...is...may be...ugh...see... see what I mean I am going crazy here trying to figure out whether the Arnav ji I love really does have a soft, loving and righteous core as I believed to have discovered underneath that harsh exterior or is he plain black and cold on the inside as I first thought him to be, with no emotions?!! Answer me damnit!! How am I to find this answer. I can't ask him, for I won't believe anything he says, and besides if anything he will affirm my suspicions of him being a heartless monster for that's how he see's himself. Should I ask Di? No there's no point, for she is going through this same battle herself. Trying to decipher if her younger brother really is the innocent, pure being she always believed him to be. Nani ji is no help either, for she just says a lot of wise jargon to me that goes straight over my head!! What am I supposed to do? Who can I talk too!! Who will understand my plight?!!
'Jiji, was no help either. She just turned against Arnav ji, didn't even try to understand what reasons he had for his actions. Not that they justified him. But it just, I don't know somehow they at least made sense, in a twisted way as to why he did it. But she doesn't want to listen to that she is ready to hang Arnav ji. May be she's right may be not, I don't know. I just don't know. Help me!! Show me the way, the right way. Give me a sign, any sign please DM I am begging you here. I do not want to give up on my marriage, on him. No. I cannot. He is Arnav ji, my Arnav ji. He will break without me, but more importantly I cannot survive without him, not anymore. I don't know when or how it happened that he became to be the reason for my survival but that's just the way it is.
'Don't look at me that way, even if it does sound too filmy, I can't help it. Besides it was your doing! You sent him into my life I didn't ask for him, so now you will help me find a way!! You have too!!' exhaled a breathless Khushi. She continued to stare at the Goddess waiting for some sort of sign or answer, but She just smiled back, the way she had always done. Annoyed Khushi looked away.
That's when she noticed the tiny blue dot blinking on her phone, notifying her of a missed call. She stared at it, had he called her back during her rant to DM and she hadn't realised (well why would she have realised considering the ringer had stopped working the day Arnav had smashed the phone in his office store-room, it was a wonder that she still managed to make calls through it). She lunged for the phone desperately hoping to see his name. But it wasn't his name that flashed on the screen.
Instead the name she read gave her a surprise and she looked up to stare at the Goddess who still stood on her desk, smiling knowingly. What was DM up to now? What was the meaning of her calling Khushi today and that too now out of all times, when Khushi had blatantly yelled at DM for help?
Hands trembling slightly she managed to push the green call button to call her back and find out what this was all about. Why DM wanted Khushi to talk to her out of all people.
Ring. Ring. Rin-
'Chamkili!! Where were you?!!! I called you like three times!! I have such exciting news!!!' Came the high-spirited voice of Lavanya.
'And then you go and shut the phone like a coward!!! Uff what must he be thinking of me!! He already calls me crazy time and again...now he will even begin to believe it!! Ugh nothing can be done for you Khushi!!' sighed aloud, a flustered Khushi.
'Who are you muttering to in there Sanka-devi?!' came in an inquisitive Madhumathi. She looked around the room, but saw no one. Then cast her eyes on the phone, which now lay on the other side of the bed from where Khushi sat. For in her annoyance Khushi had flung it over there. Confused she looked over at her niece trying to figure out who she was talking to. She had hoped it was Arnav and that she had finally grown some sense and was calling her husband to take her home but that didn't seem to be the case.
'Who were you talking to, Parmaishwari?' she frowned at Khushi.
'No one Bua-ji, just myself. Who else?' replied a miffed Khushi. Not even bothering to look up at Madhumthi. As she was too irritated with herself and was in no mood to have her thoughts about herself re-iterated to her in another one of Bua-ji's lectures, which she had been receiving quite a bit lately.
Seeing Khushi, still lost in her own thoughts, and being just as 'open' as she had been the first day she had arrived to her house exasperated Madhumathi. 'Uff. You are just a nightmare Sanka devi!! You make no sense at all. You are crazy yourself, and now, are driving the rest of us insane too!! What are we to do with you!!!' Peeved and frustrated at her darling niece, she set about cleaning the room. All the while her mind fixated on the girl she loved so much, yet who she hadn't seen in over a month. Khushi. Her crazy, clumsy, bubbly Sanka-devi. For the girl who sat in the middle of the room was a mere shell of that girl.
She couldn't understand what had happened. Why she was so dull? Why she had left Arnav? It didn't make sense. Why, the Khushi who would defend Arnav at the smallest of things, who couldn't bare the smallest of separation from him, was now living away from him, happily. Ok well not happily, for she wasn't happy at all, yet was resolute about not going back or telling any of them about what had happened. If they could just find out, then maybe they could come up with a solution. But no, she wouldn't tell, she just cut them off every time they tried to discuss it with her. Arnav wouldn't say anything to them either, instead he had made it clear in his authoritative way that they were not to pester Khushi about it, and if she didn't wish to say anything then leave her be. That had muted her and Garima for a couple of days on the topic. But now it was over a month and they still weren't talking and none of the Raizada's were saying anything either.
Nani ji had been no help either for she had only restated her grand-son's words, only in a nicer way. Saying that sometimes it was best if the children were left alone to figure out their problems, because if adults intervened every time they had an issue than how would they ever learn to take care of themselves. And as for the problem, well, every problem came with a solution and so not until they figured out their problem they wouldn't be able to find the solution. Therefore one needed to leave them alone to find out what exactly was the problem. Now all that sounded good and wise, but it didn't seem to be getting Arnav and Khushi anywhere...they were still alone and miserable.
As a last resort they had turned to Payal, who was away from the house with Aakash. But hoping that may be she would know something: Garima had contacted her. They had been right, she didn't know anything was amiss, but since they had mentioned it to her she had talked to Khushi, and from what they understood had found out the gist of things. But she didn't tell them either, instead what she said horrified them more, and even earned her a severe scolding from Garima.
She confirmed their suspicions of something serious having taken place and had gone on to convey that Arnav was to blame. With that she had had the audacity to state that Khushi was in the right to leave him and if she take her advice she should continue to stay away from that monster of a man!! He may be her brother-in-law through Aakash, but Khushi was and always would be her sister first, and therefore she would put her well being first. And her heart told her that her sister deserved better!! With that cryptic advice she had shut the phone and was unwilling to state what had occurred for it disgusted her too much. Even after Garima had hollered at her for being responsible for putting such hideous ideas in her younger sister's head that would not only ruin her marriage but her life too. She had said nothing but that Khushi was better without Arnav.
Hearing all of this now had really begun to scare both her and Garima. They had deciphered from the first day that something bad had happened for as soon as the door had opened Khushi had melted into Garima's arms. And frankly speaking they weren't surprised for both Arnav and Khushi were headstrong by nature so they had always expected disputes between them, they had witnessed many themselves. That didn't worry them for differences of opinion occurred in every marriage and they were prepared to handle that, but the point was they needed to know what the dispute was about in order to resolve it, yet no one seemed to want to share. All anyone did was just exert their opinion on the matter but leave out what had actually occurred. What exactly had happened, no one would tell.
All they knew was that every time they found Khushi she was either crying or staring into space, or would have her eyes shut tight and fists bawled, as if trying to get rid of a haunting image. Nothing more. If they asked she just made up some lame excuse and changed the topic. Sometimes even put that fake smile of hers' on that broke their heart more, but recently she had stopped doing even that, she wouldn't even try to mask her feeling in front of them anymore. She wouldn't say anything or do anything. She wouldn't even make jalebi's!!
That is what turned their concern into anger, for how were they to help her if all they got was silence, sighs and sobs from her; sobs which left feeding their imagination with horrific images of what could have taken place. But Arnav didn't seem like the man who would abuse anyone, let alone his own wife. His wife that he loved so much. So it didn't make sense what could he have possibly done to earn such wrath from Payal, and separation from Khushi. No, something was wrong about what they had heard, there must be some sort of misunderstanding, for she couldn't have read him that wrong. Clearly her nieces' were under some grave misunderstanding. And that wouldn't be something new for Khushi, as she had a habit of making a mountain out of an anthill, yes that must be it. She must have done something to irritate Arnav, then gotten angry at him and therefore left. And stubborn as she was she was probably waiting for his apology. But then why would Payal side with Khushi if Khushi was wrong. Payal was as sensible girl...hmmm well of course, Payal probably only got Khushi's side of the story, she wasn't there to witness anything, and that is why she was siding with Khushi's childish behaviour. Yes that must be it!!
Reaching this resolve, for the billionth time she turned on Khushi again.
Khushi still sat on the bed. Her head hung down and her eyes shut tight again. She was trying to forget something. Seeing the pain on her face Madhumathi's heart melted and she approached her with great care and caution.
'Khushi bitya, what is it? Why are you so sad?'
'Hunh?!' Khushi eyes sprang open, she had forgotten Bua ji was still there. Her thoughts had taken her back to resenting her decision of leaving Arnav. Yet no matter how much she resented that decision she also found it hard to find her way back to him. Since the day she came here she had desperately been trying to figure out a way back to him, for she knew she couldn't live without him, but she also couldn't shake away the feeling that her husband was womaniser. A man who played with women's' hearts and never gave it a second thought. And that the only reason she was spared the heart-break was because somewhere down the line of him hurting and hating her he had crossed it and actually fallen for her.
'Khushi. Tell me my bitya. Tell me if you can't tell your mother. I know you don't want to cause her pain that's why you hold this silence, but my sweet child you can tell me can't you. I know I'm not your real aunt, but my darling I have always loved you, as I loved Payal. You both are like daughters to me, so please tell me what has happened?'
Khushi stared at her aghast. Pain, pride and insurmountable love bubbling up inside of her and forming a hot lump in her throat at hearing Bua ji's pleas. 'Please Bua ji don't think that way. I think of you as much as mine as you do me. You are my aunt so never say that you aren't!' squeaked Khushi.
'Then please bitya tell me. Tell me what plagues you so much?'
'Bua ji...I...I...It's nothing Bua ji. Nothing, I'm fi-'
'Don't even dare to say the word 'fine' Khushi, when I know for a fact that you are nowhere near close to it. Please don't insult my intelligence, I know you are not fine. Instead you are far from it!!' Blared Bua ji at Khushi, who had lost her patience at hearing Khushi's repetitive response of being fine.
'Bua ji...I...uhh...' she was lost for words, she didn't know how to explain. She didn't get it herself. She didn't understand why she didn't want them to know, they were her family if she didn't tell them then who would she tell? And yet she was determined not to tell them and had made Nani and Payal promise not to tell them either. It didn't make sense to her why she was so adamant on them not knowing, but she was.
'Ok you don't want to tell me, fine. At least tell me this, why won't you tell me? You think I won't be able to bare it? You really think in all my years I wouldn't have heard of whatever took place between you two, I mean what could he have possibly done that these old eyes and ears wouldn't have heard or seen?' questioned an exasperated Bua ji.
There it was the million dollar question, which Khushi had been asking herself for a while now. Why couldn't she tell them? Why couldn't she? What was it that stopped her from voicing Arnav's crime? It wasn't like he had done it to her, he had done it to someone else and that too a long time ago, so why did it matter? If she had been the victim of that ploy or some other sort of violence from him then it would be understandable that she wouldn't want to tell them as she wouldn't want to hurt them by revealing her scars. But these weren't her scars, even if they ached. They weren't visible but were constantly in front of her stopping her from getting past them.
'Uff...the great silence. Fine. Don't tell. Rot in your misery, its' not like we care!! Scowled Bua ji at her.
Her anger, brought a tiny smile to Khushi's face, and she leapt into her closed arms. Pushing her way into her embrace. Bua ji resisted at first, but then wrapped her in. 'Bua ji...I...just give me some time ok. I will tell you I will. But I need to figure things out on my own before I can tell you ok?'
'Promise you will tell?' Khushi gave a ready nod, all the while crossing her fingers behind her back. 'Hmpf...fine. Take all the time you need Parmaishwari, but just remember not to take too long.' Coddled a miffed and yet pacified Bua ji. She couldn't stay angry at Khushi for too long. With another tug and a slight ruffle of her hair, Bua ji left the room yelling for Garima about whether anyone planned to feed Shashi and Khushi today.
Bua ji loved her so much, and that's why she felt bad for hiding the truth from her but she couldn't help it. She didn't want her to know. She didn't want her to form the same opinion about Arnav's character that she had. It was a horrendous feeling: thinking the vilest of things about the person you once loved and respected, so she wanted to spare them that trauma...Wait...that was it!! That's why she wasn't telling them, for she didn't want them to taint their image of the man they knew and had come to love so much. Because he wasn't that man anymore, or so she wanted to believe. She did. And yet she had a hard time convincing herself. That was it. That was her problem, every time she decided that this crime was done by an Arnav who did not exist anymore she would feel a relief and would feel she could go back to him. But the very next minute doubt would settle in again and drive her insane. For it would remind her of how she never thought him capable of such a heinous act and yet he himself had admitted to not only doing it but plotting it and finding satisfaction in it for a period of time. Thus that fact would overrule and she would be back to square one, where she didn't know what to believe. Should she believe that the Arnav she had come to know and love was not this monster he talked of. That he had truly changed. Or should she remember all the torture he had put her through, that he was capable of and that he had admitted to. And with that reach the conclusion that he had not changed, and that that part of him was still inside of him somewhere. The part that still came out in his anger. The side she witnessed at Viraj's house.
Uff this was a useless debate. It got her know where, she only went round and round in circles, until she started feeling terribly dizzy and nauseated.
'Ugh this is pointless. I have gone over this stupid argument over a hundred times in my head this past month and still come to no avail!!! How on earth am supposed to reach a decision when all I can do is make my thoughts go round and round like jalebi's making them finish right where they started!! Uff!! Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada nothing can come of you!! She groaned in frustration as her eyes landed on the carving of DM that stood on her desk. She marched over to it and began the interrogation of her silent, patient friend for the gazillionth time this month.
'And you!! Why aren't you helping me?!! You call me your friend and yet you leave me in the dark, with no light to find my way back to the man I love. Find a way accept his flaws and make peace with the man he was...is...may be...ugh...see... see what I mean I am going crazy here trying to figure out whether the Arnav ji I love really does have a soft, loving and righteous core as I believed to have discovered underneath that harsh exterior or is he plain black and cold on the inside as I first thought him to be, with no emotions?!! Answer me damnit!! How am I to find this answer. I can't ask him, for I won't believe anything he says, and besides if anything he will affirm my suspicions of him being a heartless monster for that's how he see's himself. Should I ask Di? No there's no point, for she is going through this same battle herself. Trying to decipher if her younger brother really is the innocent, pure being she always believed him to be. Nani ji is no help either, for she just says a lot of wise jargon to me that goes straight over my head!! What am I supposed to do? Who can I talk too!! Who will understand my plight?!!
'Jiji, was no help either. She just turned against Arnav ji, didn't even try to understand what reasons he had for his actions. Not that they justified him. But it just, I don't know somehow they at least made sense, in a twisted way as to why he did it. But she doesn't want to listen to that she is ready to hang Arnav ji. May be she's right may be not, I don't know. I just don't know. Help me!! Show me the way, the right way. Give me a sign, any sign please DM I am begging you here. I do not want to give up on my marriage, on him. No. I cannot. He is Arnav ji, my Arnav ji. He will break without me, but more importantly I cannot survive without him, not anymore. I don't know when or how it happened that he became to be the reason for my survival but that's just the way it is.
'Don't look at me that way, even if it does sound too filmy, I can't help it. Besides it was your doing! You sent him into my life I didn't ask for him, so now you will help me find a way!! You have too!!' exhaled a breathless Khushi. She continued to stare at the Goddess waiting for some sort of sign or answer, but She just smiled back, the way she had always done. Annoyed Khushi looked away.
That's when she noticed the tiny blue dot blinking on her phone, notifying her of a missed call. She stared at it, had he called her back during her rant to DM and she hadn't realised (well why would she have realised considering the ringer had stopped working the day Arnav had smashed the phone in his office store-room, it was a wonder that she still managed to make calls through it). She lunged for the phone desperately hoping to see his name. But it wasn't his name that flashed on the screen.
Instead the name she read gave her a surprise and she looked up to stare at the Goddess who still stood on her desk, smiling knowingly. What was DM up to now? What was the meaning of her calling Khushi today and that too now out of all times, when Khushi had blatantly yelled at DM for help?
Hands trembling slightly she managed to push the green call button to call her back and find out what this was all about. Why DM wanted Khushi to talk to her out of all people.
Ring. Ring. Rin-
'Chamkili!! Where were you?!!! I called you like three times!! I have such exciting news!!!' Came the high-spirited voice of Lavanya.
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