'I want to go in alone.' Said Khushi in a low voice, outside Madhumathi's house. They had been parked around the corner, near Happy Singh's garage; Khushi didn't want to be too close to the house in case Madhumathi or Garima spotted them before she was ready to go in. They sat for a long time saying nothing: wanting to say everything.
After a good twenty minutes of sitting mutely, Khushi finally, rubbed away her dry tear tracks, blew her nose and put her hand on the door handle ready to go. But she stopped and turned around urgently to tell Arnav, 'You asked whether I supported you in bringing Aarav home, I do.' Arnav looked up, stunned, this was the last thing he had expected to come out of her mouth, but then Khushi rarely said or did things that he expected her to.
'Arnav ji, I never had anything against Aarav, he is a sweet child. In fact, I wanted to know whether he was your child or not in order to bring you two together, if it turned out you were his father. Arnav ji, you growing up without a parent will know just as well as I do, what it feels like to lose a parent, but I was lucky I managed to find another mother and father figure in my Amma and Bauji. And because of that I would never stand in the way of any child and parent, for I know the importance of having a parent in your life, considering I lost my own. So your question about whether I support you in trying to get him in your custody, yes I do. And I am proud of you for taking your responsibility and giving Aarav a parent, he needs one. And you would make a great father Arnav ji, you already have assumed the duties of a father without even realising it. Don't listen to what Viraj ji said, you will be a great father, I have no doubt about that. I believe in you.' She smiled, to show she meant what she said, but it was a weak smile for the day's onslaught had drained most of her energy.
Even though, his heart was warmed by the love and support she had just shown, he couldn't help shake away the feeling of how it sounded more like a goodbye and good luck, rather than an I am not going anywhere, but am right here next to you. He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard the door open which brought in the sudden change of temperature with the breeze it let in.
She was leaving. She was leaving and he had no idea if she would ever come back to him. If she was smart she shouldn't, she deserved better. But that still didn't mean he wouldn't wait. That he wouldn't try and win her back, because the truth was that she was good for him, she changed him, made him a better person, a person he could look in the mirror and not shy away from. He needed her, and he would fight for her. He had to, not just for himself but because she needed him too, he was sure of that; he may not be the best person for her, but he was the one she had chosen for herself, by some weird twist of fate, she loved him just as much as he loved her, and it was for that love he had to fight. He had to fight for her, for her sake and not just let this be the end.
The door was open now, and Khushi was stepping out, he needed to say something and he needed to say it now. He grabbed her hand, 'Khushi wait!' she stopped, but didn't turn around. Her heart began to run a marathon as she waited with ragged breath to hear what he wanted to say.
'Khushi...' he held her wrist tightly, afraid if he loosened the grip even the slightest bit she would dissolve from his hold and he would never be able to find her again. 'Khushi, please, please don't blame yourself for my mistakes. For being angry or hurt by my actions. Please know that I don't blame you for the slightest bit of reacting in this way, in fact I would be shocked if you had acted in any other way and would have been more worried. I was worried, the whole drive to Viraj's, not understanding how you could be with me after everything I had done. So please, my sweet, sweet, Khushi don't harbour any guilt about not standing by me right now, because you need to be able to take care of yourself before anything else. I understand...I do about why you are here, you need time, and I am ready to give it to you Khushi...I will bear our separation but I won't be able to bear you harbouring any guilt for thinking about yourself, for once in your life. I am happy that you said what you felt, I really am.' He stopped to take a breath. Khushi still faced the door, as she moved her hand away from her heart, which she had been trying to calm while Arnav talked, to her eyes that were seeping from pain again. Her other hand, was still in Arnav's, she dared not move that one, too afraid that if it came out of his grip, she would lose him.
'Khushi...take as much time as you need, I am ready to wait. Just know that I will always be here, I will wait for however long you need. I trust our love. I trust you and I know that we will find a way to be able to be with each other again, because I know there is no other way we will be able to live. So go my sweet Khushi, and know I hold no anger or hurt over this decision, I want you take your time and come around on your own terms. I will wait...' she could feel his hot breath near her hand, before she felt the tingling imprint of his lips on the top of her hand. And then it was gone, his lips, which had touched her hand for the briefest of moments and his hand that had clasped her wrist. And in that one moment her hand had turned into a lump of ice, for it no longer had the warmth of his love.
She was still registering this new sensation of loneliness, when she heard his voice thick with emotion telling her it was time for her to leave, ' I love you Khushi.' She turned to face him, to tell him she loved him too, but he wasn't in his seat any more. He had gotten out and was standing next to his door, with his back towards her, unable to watch her leave. She stifled back a tear, she would have plenty of time to cry in her solitude over the next couple of weeks, right now she needed to make this as less painful (if that was even possible) for him as possible. Brushing away her tears, she got out of the car, straightened herself up and with a last lingering look at his back, she turned to walk towards Buaji's house, her heart breaking anew inside, for she didn't know when she would see him again. A part of her wanted to run back and not leave him, but she stopped herself, knowing well enough that if she did, then she may actually end up losing him forever. For if she didn't manage to stop blaming him, if she didn't try to heal her bleeding heart, that felt betrayal, then she would never be able to live with him in peace. And so she hardened her heart and took the last few steps towards Buaji's porch, she had to get inside without getting weak, once inside she would open the floodgates, but if she let it open outside she would never make it inside, for he wouldn't let her. He was Arnav after all, he would let her go if he thought it was best for her and it was what she wanted, but wouldn't hesitate to stop her if he saw her break, and she didn't know if she would be able to go then, if he stopped her.
He chanced a sight of her before she went inside, unsure when he would get to see her next. Her back was towards him, as she walked slowly, shoulders drooping, towards the house. She was in pain too, and that seared his heart. He couldn't believe it, how much devastation had he caused. He had broken the two most pure, beautiful and important people to him: Anjali and Khushi, and all that for a stupid revenge. He saw now how a revenge of the past, ruined the future he so desperately craved. He had obsessed over it, thought incessantly about it, believing it would be what would brighten his future, and bring him relief but as irony had it, it was his very revenge that ended up giving him the most pain, for it was what had made him betray his loved ones. It was what had cast the dark clouds on the future he had foolishly believed would bring light.
The monster from hell, that he had nurtured inside of him, had now taken everything from him. He stared at Khushi as he saw the doors to Buaji's place open and her fall into Gaarima's open arms, taking the solace of her motherly warmth to heal her broken heart. He craved them too. But he knew he would not get them, for he had turned his back on them, when Nani had opened them to him; the day he had decided to keep the monster of anger, revenge and hate, inside of him instead of embracing Nani's loving, healing cocoon. The cocoon which Anjali had taken to, the cocoon she had desperately tried for him to come inside of too. But he hadn't and today he would suffer the consequence of that. Of not having any arms to wrap around him, of not having any shoulder to weep on, not Nani's, not Anjali's, nor Khushi's.
Thus he wiped his tears, and sat in his car, planning to drive to the only place where he may receive some motherly love. The place he always went to, to find his mother's lap: her garden. When he arrived, he was shocked to find someone already waiting for him there. Her arms wide open, willing to give him the lap he yearned for and the love, that he had misplaced due to his ignorance and hatred. Devyani.
She sat there on the bench waiting for him. Anjali had told her what he had done, while Khushi had informed her of what had happened at Viraj's and after that. Hearing their accounts she knew that she would find him here, her daughter's garden where he came whenever he was aching. As angry as she was at what he had done, she knew that right now he needed her love and not her wrath or disdain; that he had already received from Anjali and Khushi. She sat waiting for him, hoping that today he would finally accept her maternal embrace and begin healing. He did.
After the initial hesitation, during which he wondered why she was here. Was she here to scold him too? But he saw that she wasn't, when she lifted her hands up, motioning him with her loving smile to come and let his heart grieve in her lap. Her love radiated to the very spot where he stood, and it was all the invitation he needed, he ran straight into her beckoning arms and wept his heart out.
After a good twenty minutes of sitting mutely, Khushi finally, rubbed away her dry tear tracks, blew her nose and put her hand on the door handle ready to go. But she stopped and turned around urgently to tell Arnav, 'You asked whether I supported you in bringing Aarav home, I do.' Arnav looked up, stunned, this was the last thing he had expected to come out of her mouth, but then Khushi rarely said or did things that he expected her to.
'Arnav ji, I never had anything against Aarav, he is a sweet child. In fact, I wanted to know whether he was your child or not in order to bring you two together, if it turned out you were his father. Arnav ji, you growing up without a parent will know just as well as I do, what it feels like to lose a parent, but I was lucky I managed to find another mother and father figure in my Amma and Bauji. And because of that I would never stand in the way of any child and parent, for I know the importance of having a parent in your life, considering I lost my own. So your question about whether I support you in trying to get him in your custody, yes I do. And I am proud of you for taking your responsibility and giving Aarav a parent, he needs one. And you would make a great father Arnav ji, you already have assumed the duties of a father without even realising it. Don't listen to what Viraj ji said, you will be a great father, I have no doubt about that. I believe in you.' She smiled, to show she meant what she said, but it was a weak smile for the day's onslaught had drained most of her energy.
Even though, his heart was warmed by the love and support she had just shown, he couldn't help shake away the feeling of how it sounded more like a goodbye and good luck, rather than an I am not going anywhere, but am right here next to you. He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard the door open which brought in the sudden change of temperature with the breeze it let in.
She was leaving. She was leaving and he had no idea if she would ever come back to him. If she was smart she shouldn't, she deserved better. But that still didn't mean he wouldn't wait. That he wouldn't try and win her back, because the truth was that she was good for him, she changed him, made him a better person, a person he could look in the mirror and not shy away from. He needed her, and he would fight for her. He had to, not just for himself but because she needed him too, he was sure of that; he may not be the best person for her, but he was the one she had chosen for herself, by some weird twist of fate, she loved him just as much as he loved her, and it was for that love he had to fight. He had to fight for her, for her sake and not just let this be the end.
The door was open now, and Khushi was stepping out, he needed to say something and he needed to say it now. He grabbed her hand, 'Khushi wait!' she stopped, but didn't turn around. Her heart began to run a marathon as she waited with ragged breath to hear what he wanted to say.
'Khushi...' he held her wrist tightly, afraid if he loosened the grip even the slightest bit she would dissolve from his hold and he would never be able to find her again. 'Khushi, please, please don't blame yourself for my mistakes. For being angry or hurt by my actions. Please know that I don't blame you for the slightest bit of reacting in this way, in fact I would be shocked if you had acted in any other way and would have been more worried. I was worried, the whole drive to Viraj's, not understanding how you could be with me after everything I had done. So please, my sweet, sweet, Khushi don't harbour any guilt about not standing by me right now, because you need to be able to take care of yourself before anything else. I understand...I do about why you are here, you need time, and I am ready to give it to you Khushi...I will bear our separation but I won't be able to bear you harbouring any guilt for thinking about yourself, for once in your life. I am happy that you said what you felt, I really am.' He stopped to take a breath. Khushi still faced the door, as she moved her hand away from her heart, which she had been trying to calm while Arnav talked, to her eyes that were seeping from pain again. Her other hand, was still in Arnav's, she dared not move that one, too afraid that if it came out of his grip, she would lose him.
'Khushi...take as much time as you need, I am ready to wait. Just know that I will always be here, I will wait for however long you need. I trust our love. I trust you and I know that we will find a way to be able to be with each other again, because I know there is no other way we will be able to live. So go my sweet Khushi, and know I hold no anger or hurt over this decision, I want you take your time and come around on your own terms. I will wait...' she could feel his hot breath near her hand, before she felt the tingling imprint of his lips on the top of her hand. And then it was gone, his lips, which had touched her hand for the briefest of moments and his hand that had clasped her wrist. And in that one moment her hand had turned into a lump of ice, for it no longer had the warmth of his love.
She was still registering this new sensation of loneliness, when she heard his voice thick with emotion telling her it was time for her to leave, ' I love you Khushi.' She turned to face him, to tell him she loved him too, but he wasn't in his seat any more. He had gotten out and was standing next to his door, with his back towards her, unable to watch her leave. She stifled back a tear, she would have plenty of time to cry in her solitude over the next couple of weeks, right now she needed to make this as less painful (if that was even possible) for him as possible. Brushing away her tears, she got out of the car, straightened herself up and with a last lingering look at his back, she turned to walk towards Buaji's house, her heart breaking anew inside, for she didn't know when she would see him again. A part of her wanted to run back and not leave him, but she stopped herself, knowing well enough that if she did, then she may actually end up losing him forever. For if she didn't manage to stop blaming him, if she didn't try to heal her bleeding heart, that felt betrayal, then she would never be able to live with him in peace. And so she hardened her heart and took the last few steps towards Buaji's porch, she had to get inside without getting weak, once inside she would open the floodgates, but if she let it open outside she would never make it inside, for he wouldn't let her. He was Arnav after all, he would let her go if he thought it was best for her and it was what she wanted, but wouldn't hesitate to stop her if he saw her break, and she didn't know if she would be able to go then, if he stopped her.
He chanced a sight of her before she went inside, unsure when he would get to see her next. Her back was towards him, as she walked slowly, shoulders drooping, towards the house. She was in pain too, and that seared his heart. He couldn't believe it, how much devastation had he caused. He had broken the two most pure, beautiful and important people to him: Anjali and Khushi, and all that for a stupid revenge. He saw now how a revenge of the past, ruined the future he so desperately craved. He had obsessed over it, thought incessantly about it, believing it would be what would brighten his future, and bring him relief but as irony had it, it was his very revenge that ended up giving him the most pain, for it was what had made him betray his loved ones. It was what had cast the dark clouds on the future he had foolishly believed would bring light.
The monster from hell, that he had nurtured inside of him, had now taken everything from him. He stared at Khushi as he saw the doors to Buaji's place open and her fall into Gaarima's open arms, taking the solace of her motherly warmth to heal her broken heart. He craved them too. But he knew he would not get them, for he had turned his back on them, when Nani had opened them to him; the day he had decided to keep the monster of anger, revenge and hate, inside of him instead of embracing Nani's loving, healing cocoon. The cocoon which Anjali had taken to, the cocoon she had desperately tried for him to come inside of too. But he hadn't and today he would suffer the consequence of that. Of not having any arms to wrap around him, of not having any shoulder to weep on, not Nani's, not Anjali's, nor Khushi's.
Thus he wiped his tears, and sat in his car, planning to drive to the only place where he may receive some motherly love. The place he always went to, to find his mother's lap: her garden. When he arrived, he was shocked to find someone already waiting for him there. Her arms wide open, willing to give him the lap he yearned for and the love, that he had misplaced due to his ignorance and hatred. Devyani.
She sat there on the bench waiting for him. Anjali had told her what he had done, while Khushi had informed her of what had happened at Viraj's and after that. Hearing their accounts she knew that she would find him here, her daughter's garden where he came whenever he was aching. As angry as she was at what he had done, she knew that right now he needed her love and not her wrath or disdain; that he had already received from Anjali and Khushi. She sat waiting for him, hoping that today he would finally accept her maternal embrace and begin healing. He did.
After the initial hesitation, during which he wondered why she was here. Was she here to scold him too? But he saw that she wasn't, when she lifted her hands up, motioning him with her loving smile to come and let his heart grieve in her lap. Her love radiated to the very spot where he stood, and it was all the invitation he needed, he ran straight into her beckoning arms and wept his heart out.
*****