Still clutching the DNA report, Khushi sunk onto her bedroom floor, her knees unable to support the weight of her shock, of her grief, of the blunt truth that was shouting at her from the white, clinical paper. Aarav was Arnav's son...Arnav ji had a son. He was a father...there had been someone so special to his life before her that he had fathered a child with her. What had happened to that women? Why had he never mentioned her to her? An ocean's worth of questions invaded her mind and slowly, brutally began to drown her. She tried to come up for breath, to resist, to live but the waves of questions just kept on pushing her further and further down.
It wasn't the fact that he had a son, the fact that he was a father that hurt her. She had no issues with that, it had been a shock, yes, but she could deal with him being a father, him having a son. In fact, it left a sweet tingling sensation inside her that he was a father. That she, may be, one day could be his child's mother, Aarav's, as well as may be of one of their own. It was the fact that he had felt the need to hide this from her that hurt. That he had not even tried to tell her. Did he think that little of her, that he thought she wouldn't accept Aarav. That she would leave him, ask him to make a choice or be a cruel step-mother to Aarav. Did Arnav ji not know her at all, after all this time. After everything they had been through, lived through, survived through, together. This thought brought a new wave of tears, the thought that he didn't trust her; or not enough anyway. She had fooled herself to start thinking, to start believing that Arnav Singh Raizada was beginning to trust her, after he had told her about his mother and father. After he had shared that horrific past that Anjali and he had to live through. She had thought that they had finally built that bridge of trust which would allow them to share anything, but she had been wrong while that bridge had been built it had not been built of stone but rather from wood, wood that was already weathering away under the rough tides beneath it.
She was still in a state of shock and agony when Arnav came home happily to surprise Khushi with the plans he had construed for the weekend. In response to the complaint Khushi had been nagging him with for the last couple of weeks that they never spent time alone, for he was always too busy with his boring meetings and video conferences.
'Khushi...', he walked into the room calling her name out, content with himself for what he had arranged for the upcoming weekend, but stopped short when he found Khushi on the ground, breathing heavily and clutching a crumpled piece of paper. Panic surged through his veins as he closed the distance between them in coming to her side, holding her and pleading with her to tell him what was wrong. But she didn't say anything only cried as she held out the hand which was holding the crumpled piece of paper. He snatched it from her and urgently read what was in it.
CITY HOSPITAL
The head-stamped hospital paper brought about a new wave of nervousness: whose report was this and why had it reduced Khushi to such huge tears. He read on.
Forensic Lab DNA report
DNA? Whose?
POSITVE MATCH
Postive? Who had been tested? In his hurry he had skipped over the essential details and his eyes had immediately fallen to the bold red letters on the page, reading the result before finding out the who or the what. He went back up to read the fine print that told him the names of the people who had been tested.
Testee 1: Arnav Singh Raizada. Aged 28.
Someone had gotten his DNA tested?!! Why?!!! He looked at her for moment, but her head hung low, she had stopped crying and was silent, there was something in that silence that unsettled him. It felt like the silence before a funeral, when the crying stopped for a moment as the procession was led out, letting the reality sink in, before starting all over again as the finality hit them: loosing a loved one forever.
He shoved that thought of his mind and went back to the wrinkled hospital report in his hand.
Testee 2: Aarav Singh Raizada. Age 8.
8...something about that number stirred his insides.
Hair sample given. Tested. POSITIVE MATCH.
He slumped back, as the last bit of information hit him. He felt as though someone had run him over with a truck. His breaths were shallow as the reality of the report began sinking in. POSITIVE MATCH. POSITIVE. His DNA matched an 8 year olds'. That 8 year old had the same DNA as him. That meant...that meant that they were related...that they were...that he was his....his son...that he, Arnav Singh Raizada was a...a father. How could that possibly be?!! He would have known something like that...wouldn't he? Well clearly not!!
His head suddenly began throbbing. How could this be...him a father...no this couldn't be true, somewhere, something was wrong, it had to be. How could he have fathered a child and not know about it? His head began to pound with questions that raided his mind. He put his hand on the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and squeezed hard. When he opened his eyes he found a trembling hand holding a glass of water in his face. He looked up to see a pale Khushi. He had forgotten about her. That she was still in the room and actually was the one who had received this information before him. How hurt must she have been, finding this truth out in such a horrendous way. What must she be thinking? Had she believed it straight away, did she think that he had hid this from him...no! Of course not, Khushi knew him better than that, didn't she. She would know that he would never keep something like this away from her. Yes, she would never think that. But she was upset, he could see it written plainly in her eyes and on her face. Well of course she would be, so was he. This was shocking news, who wouldn't be upset. Or wait, was she upset because she didn't want this child...what was his name...Aarav...Aarav...his son...weirdly even while there was so much anguish building up inside him, that thought bought such warmth in his heart. That Aarav was his son, that he had a son. He was a father. A flicker of a smile danced on his face but was immediately gone when his eyes rested on Khushi again.
It was clear by the sadness in her eyes, that she had not believed the report until she had seen Arnav's response to it. That she had hoped he would have told her it was lie and it was all wrong, but now seeing him slumped back and resigned she had no choice but to believe it. Was she upset with him? Probably. Would she accept Aarav? His heart said yes, but his mind was unsure. There was so much hurt in her eyes. He was now worried, for Aarav more than himself, what if she didn't accept him? What if she asked him to choose? Could he make that choice, could he let Aarav go. It was weird, moments ago he had not even known he was a father, and now he was already becoming protective about his son. A son he didn't even know, yet he had formed a bond with him. It didn't matter that he didn't know Aarav, all that mattered was that he was his son and that Arnav didn't want to let him go, not after he had just found out that he existed. But he couldn't lose Khushi either. Khushi was...was Khushi. She was Khushi, and he needed her. He couldn't survive without her. She was his mind, his soul, his love, his everything. So there was no question that he would ever let her go, but then he couldn't even let Aarav go either. What was he to do...well there was no point in pondering over these questions in his head, for he would get no answer, only a really nasty migraine. Thus he took a deep breath, sat up, took the glass from Khushi's shaking hand, placed it on the table behind her and sat her down next to him.
'Khushi...', he began, but stopped, not knowing what to say. It didn't matter for she spoke next.
'Is he your son?' She needed to know, from his lips. She wouldn't believe that he would hide something so important from her, until he didn't say it himself.
'Yes.' It felt good to say that, that Aarav was his son.
Khushi's heart sank. So he had hid it from her. Why Arnav ji, why couldn't you just tell me...I would have still loved you, like I love you now, may be even more for being honest with me but you still chose to hide it...why? A tear escaped from her eye, as she turned both her big, caramel eyes towards him and asked, heart-broken, 'Why Arnav ji? Why didn't you tell me before?'
'Khushi-' Arnav had started, but stopped short at her question, confused, 'What?!'
'Why didn't you tell me you had a son Arnav ji? Did you not trust me? I already knew you had ex-girlfriends, Lavanya ji and you yourself had mentioned having them. So why couldn't you just tell me that you had a child with one of them too?'
'Hunh...Khushi what are you saying...' He couldn't believe what he was hearing, she thought he knew about Aarav, how could she even think that, that he wouldn't tell her, 'Khushi...' he began again but she was not listening, she was going off on her own tangent, firing questions and accusations at him, without even giving him the chance to say something let alone listen to him.
'You could have just told me, I would have accepted it. I accepted your past did I not, so I would accept this too. I know you were a different man before I met you, so I would have dealt with your past. But not telling me Arnav ji, that hurts...that hurts a lot. I even gave you the chance to come clean, that day when we both bumped into Aarav, but you didn't. You laughed at my assessment of you two being alike and walked off. How could you?!! And all this time you made me feel like such a horrible wife who was harbouring suspicions about her husband. Do you know how disgusted I felt with myself when I took both your hair samples in for testing. I couldn't even look at you let alone myself all of yesterday, for having suspected you and taken your hair samples in behind your back. I-'
'Wait!! Are you telling me you got our DNA tested?!!!' Arnav had listened to her rant annoyed, but when she mentioned that she went behind his back and was the one who tested his DNA with Aaravs', he lost his patience and blew. How could she?!! She hid such an important thing from him. Yeah he had laughed at her silly comparisons between him an 8 year old, but at that point he had not known. He did not know he was a father let alone Aarav's father. Who wouldn't have just laughed it off; and it was Khushi's habit of assuming things, although this time she had assumed correctly. But still that was not the point. She should have come to him. And what if he had not been his son, then what would she have done!!!
He gripped her tightly, and pulled her towards him, anger pumping through his vessels. 'How dare you go behind my back and do a DNA test? You should have come to me!!' he said menacingly in her face.
She couldn't believe it, he was angry at her. Her!!! When it was she who had the right to be angry; that he had hid this truth from her, and now that she had gone and gotten her answers he was angry. It was probably because he had tried so hard to keep this truth from her but she had found out any way. Well what did he expect, how long did he think he could have hidden this fact. Now anger replaced the hurt inside her and began bubbling in her veins too. She jerked herself free from him. Nursing her arms, from where he had gripped her so rudely, she began her banter at him,
'Yes I went and got the DNA test done. What else could I have done. You weren't telling me the truth so I had to get my answers myself and silence my suspicions once and for all.'
'If you had suspicions you should have told me...I had a right to know.'
'I did, I tried but you laughed it off. So I had to get creative. I can't believe it. I was feeling so sickened at myself that I was doubting you, and here you are angry that I found out the truth. Yeah I didn't tell you, how could I?! What if it hadn't been the truth you would have been so hurt that I had mistrusted you, and I would have created a mountain out of an anthill for nothing. So I decided to clear my doubts first, get at the truth; the DNA test wouldn't lie and it would clear all my worries make me realise I was being stupid and suspicious, so I got it done to prove to myself that my thoughts were all ridiculous, but they weren't. You are a father, you have a son, and you were desperately trying to hide that. But I found out anyway and that is why you are miffed aren't you because I found out!!' Khushi ended, pain flowing in the form of tears from eyes and searing his heart.
He couldn't believe it, she thought he knew and hid it from her. How could she think that, did she not know him at all. He would never hide something like that from her. It hurt that she doubted him. It hurt that she was in so much pain because of him. He stepped towards her, wanting to say something, make her understand. Clarify and actually understand this whole situation, it was all new and weird and most of all shocking for him too. But he stopped and instead turned around and did what he always did: run away from his past, his problems, his Khushi, closing her out and leaving her standing more alone than ever.
It wasn't the fact that he had a son, the fact that he was a father that hurt her. She had no issues with that, it had been a shock, yes, but she could deal with him being a father, him having a son. In fact, it left a sweet tingling sensation inside her that he was a father. That she, may be, one day could be his child's mother, Aarav's, as well as may be of one of their own. It was the fact that he had felt the need to hide this from her that hurt. That he had not even tried to tell her. Did he think that little of her, that he thought she wouldn't accept Aarav. That she would leave him, ask him to make a choice or be a cruel step-mother to Aarav. Did Arnav ji not know her at all, after all this time. After everything they had been through, lived through, survived through, together. This thought brought a new wave of tears, the thought that he didn't trust her; or not enough anyway. She had fooled herself to start thinking, to start believing that Arnav Singh Raizada was beginning to trust her, after he had told her about his mother and father. After he had shared that horrific past that Anjali and he had to live through. She had thought that they had finally built that bridge of trust which would allow them to share anything, but she had been wrong while that bridge had been built it had not been built of stone but rather from wood, wood that was already weathering away under the rough tides beneath it.
She was still in a state of shock and agony when Arnav came home happily to surprise Khushi with the plans he had construed for the weekend. In response to the complaint Khushi had been nagging him with for the last couple of weeks that they never spent time alone, for he was always too busy with his boring meetings and video conferences.
'Khushi...', he walked into the room calling her name out, content with himself for what he had arranged for the upcoming weekend, but stopped short when he found Khushi on the ground, breathing heavily and clutching a crumpled piece of paper. Panic surged through his veins as he closed the distance between them in coming to her side, holding her and pleading with her to tell him what was wrong. But she didn't say anything only cried as she held out the hand which was holding the crumpled piece of paper. He snatched it from her and urgently read what was in it.
CITY HOSPITAL
The head-stamped hospital paper brought about a new wave of nervousness: whose report was this and why had it reduced Khushi to such huge tears. He read on.
Forensic Lab DNA report
DNA? Whose?
POSITVE MATCH
Postive? Who had been tested? In his hurry he had skipped over the essential details and his eyes had immediately fallen to the bold red letters on the page, reading the result before finding out the who or the what. He went back up to read the fine print that told him the names of the people who had been tested.
Testee 1: Arnav Singh Raizada. Aged 28.
Someone had gotten his DNA tested?!! Why?!!! He looked at her for moment, but her head hung low, she had stopped crying and was silent, there was something in that silence that unsettled him. It felt like the silence before a funeral, when the crying stopped for a moment as the procession was led out, letting the reality sink in, before starting all over again as the finality hit them: loosing a loved one forever.
He shoved that thought of his mind and went back to the wrinkled hospital report in his hand.
Testee 2: Aarav Singh Raizada. Age 8.
8...something about that number stirred his insides.
Hair sample given. Tested. POSITIVE MATCH.
He slumped back, as the last bit of information hit him. He felt as though someone had run him over with a truck. His breaths were shallow as the reality of the report began sinking in. POSITIVE MATCH. POSITIVE. His DNA matched an 8 year olds'. That 8 year old had the same DNA as him. That meant...that meant that they were related...that they were...that he was his....his son...that he, Arnav Singh Raizada was a...a father. How could that possibly be?!! He would have known something like that...wouldn't he? Well clearly not!!
His head suddenly began throbbing. How could this be...him a father...no this couldn't be true, somewhere, something was wrong, it had to be. How could he have fathered a child and not know about it? His head began to pound with questions that raided his mind. He put his hand on the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and squeezed hard. When he opened his eyes he found a trembling hand holding a glass of water in his face. He looked up to see a pale Khushi. He had forgotten about her. That she was still in the room and actually was the one who had received this information before him. How hurt must she have been, finding this truth out in such a horrendous way. What must she be thinking? Had she believed it straight away, did she think that he had hid this from him...no! Of course not, Khushi knew him better than that, didn't she. She would know that he would never keep something like this away from her. Yes, she would never think that. But she was upset, he could see it written plainly in her eyes and on her face. Well of course she would be, so was he. This was shocking news, who wouldn't be upset. Or wait, was she upset because she didn't want this child...what was his name...Aarav...Aarav...his son...weirdly even while there was so much anguish building up inside him, that thought bought such warmth in his heart. That Aarav was his son, that he had a son. He was a father. A flicker of a smile danced on his face but was immediately gone when his eyes rested on Khushi again.
It was clear by the sadness in her eyes, that she had not believed the report until she had seen Arnav's response to it. That she had hoped he would have told her it was lie and it was all wrong, but now seeing him slumped back and resigned she had no choice but to believe it. Was she upset with him? Probably. Would she accept Aarav? His heart said yes, but his mind was unsure. There was so much hurt in her eyes. He was now worried, for Aarav more than himself, what if she didn't accept him? What if she asked him to choose? Could he make that choice, could he let Aarav go. It was weird, moments ago he had not even known he was a father, and now he was already becoming protective about his son. A son he didn't even know, yet he had formed a bond with him. It didn't matter that he didn't know Aarav, all that mattered was that he was his son and that Arnav didn't want to let him go, not after he had just found out that he existed. But he couldn't lose Khushi either. Khushi was...was Khushi. She was Khushi, and he needed her. He couldn't survive without her. She was his mind, his soul, his love, his everything. So there was no question that he would ever let her go, but then he couldn't even let Aarav go either. What was he to do...well there was no point in pondering over these questions in his head, for he would get no answer, only a really nasty migraine. Thus he took a deep breath, sat up, took the glass from Khushi's shaking hand, placed it on the table behind her and sat her down next to him.
'Khushi...', he began, but stopped, not knowing what to say. It didn't matter for she spoke next.
'Is he your son?' She needed to know, from his lips. She wouldn't believe that he would hide something so important from her, until he didn't say it himself.
'Yes.' It felt good to say that, that Aarav was his son.
Khushi's heart sank. So he had hid it from her. Why Arnav ji, why couldn't you just tell me...I would have still loved you, like I love you now, may be even more for being honest with me but you still chose to hide it...why? A tear escaped from her eye, as she turned both her big, caramel eyes towards him and asked, heart-broken, 'Why Arnav ji? Why didn't you tell me before?'
'Khushi-' Arnav had started, but stopped short at her question, confused, 'What?!'
'Why didn't you tell me you had a son Arnav ji? Did you not trust me? I already knew you had ex-girlfriends, Lavanya ji and you yourself had mentioned having them. So why couldn't you just tell me that you had a child with one of them too?'
'Hunh...Khushi what are you saying...' He couldn't believe what he was hearing, she thought he knew about Aarav, how could she even think that, that he wouldn't tell her, 'Khushi...' he began again but she was not listening, she was going off on her own tangent, firing questions and accusations at him, without even giving him the chance to say something let alone listen to him.
'You could have just told me, I would have accepted it. I accepted your past did I not, so I would accept this too. I know you were a different man before I met you, so I would have dealt with your past. But not telling me Arnav ji, that hurts...that hurts a lot. I even gave you the chance to come clean, that day when we both bumped into Aarav, but you didn't. You laughed at my assessment of you two being alike and walked off. How could you?!! And all this time you made me feel like such a horrible wife who was harbouring suspicions about her husband. Do you know how disgusted I felt with myself when I took both your hair samples in for testing. I couldn't even look at you let alone myself all of yesterday, for having suspected you and taken your hair samples in behind your back. I-'
'Wait!! Are you telling me you got our DNA tested?!!!' Arnav had listened to her rant annoyed, but when she mentioned that she went behind his back and was the one who tested his DNA with Aaravs', he lost his patience and blew. How could she?!! She hid such an important thing from him. Yeah he had laughed at her silly comparisons between him an 8 year old, but at that point he had not known. He did not know he was a father let alone Aarav's father. Who wouldn't have just laughed it off; and it was Khushi's habit of assuming things, although this time she had assumed correctly. But still that was not the point. She should have come to him. And what if he had not been his son, then what would she have done!!!
He gripped her tightly, and pulled her towards him, anger pumping through his vessels. 'How dare you go behind my back and do a DNA test? You should have come to me!!' he said menacingly in her face.
She couldn't believe it, he was angry at her. Her!!! When it was she who had the right to be angry; that he had hid this truth from her, and now that she had gone and gotten her answers he was angry. It was probably because he had tried so hard to keep this truth from her but she had found out any way. Well what did he expect, how long did he think he could have hidden this fact. Now anger replaced the hurt inside her and began bubbling in her veins too. She jerked herself free from him. Nursing her arms, from where he had gripped her so rudely, she began her banter at him,
'Yes I went and got the DNA test done. What else could I have done. You weren't telling me the truth so I had to get my answers myself and silence my suspicions once and for all.'
'If you had suspicions you should have told me...I had a right to know.'
'I did, I tried but you laughed it off. So I had to get creative. I can't believe it. I was feeling so sickened at myself that I was doubting you, and here you are angry that I found out the truth. Yeah I didn't tell you, how could I?! What if it hadn't been the truth you would have been so hurt that I had mistrusted you, and I would have created a mountain out of an anthill for nothing. So I decided to clear my doubts first, get at the truth; the DNA test wouldn't lie and it would clear all my worries make me realise I was being stupid and suspicious, so I got it done to prove to myself that my thoughts were all ridiculous, but they weren't. You are a father, you have a son, and you were desperately trying to hide that. But I found out anyway and that is why you are miffed aren't you because I found out!!' Khushi ended, pain flowing in the form of tears from eyes and searing his heart.
He couldn't believe it, she thought he knew and hid it from her. How could she think that, did she not know him at all. He would never hide something like that from her. It hurt that she doubted him. It hurt that she was in so much pain because of him. He stepped towards her, wanting to say something, make her understand. Clarify and actually understand this whole situation, it was all new and weird and most of all shocking for him too. But he stopped and instead turned around and did what he always did: run away from his past, his problems, his Khushi, closing her out and leaving her standing more alone than ever.
*****
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