'Meeting today? Oh. Ok. I'll...uh...I'll umm...yeah...ok...' With that she hung up the phone. She stared long at it, unsure of what to do with this new information she had just learned. Arnav was going to meet with the lawyers to discuss his custody rights over Aarav. He had dealt with this whole situation admirably by keeping it all under wraps, and he and his lawyer were confident that this meeting would go in their favour, thereby continuing to have no media involvement and causing the least bit of trouble to Aarav and the whole family.
But no matter what Nani said about his confidence, she knew he would be a nervous wreck on the inside right now, and that he required her support (but would never voice it) and she desperately wanted to give it to him but wasn't sure how. She wanted to call him, tell him that she was there and had his back, but they just felt like empty words to her as she wasn't there and she herself had turned her back on him, leaving him without any support. So how could she call him, what right did she have to call him, when she had left his side during the most trying period of his life. She had broken her vows to him, more importantly broken her promise to him that she would stand by him no matter what, and he had let her. Why had he done that?! Why hadn't he tried to stop her?!! Well why would he, when she was the one who had told him not too. When she was the one who had opened her big mouth and said all those things that had broken his heart, making sure that he wouldn't stop her.
She had seen him crumble from within right in front of her, yet she had not done anything, just kept walking away from him. How that face haunted her. It had been a whole month, yet his defeated visage was still a crystal clear picture engraved in her mind, constantly in front of her, as if she could actually see him beaten down in front of her at this very moment.
She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, trying to get that image of him, and the feeling it created inside of her, to pass. She had been doing a lot of this lately, for every other moment she would remember that face and curse herself for leaving him, in order to figure out her own feelings. For being so selfish.
When she finally opened her eyes they fell on her cracked phone-screen, which was still in her hands. She stared at the crack remembering the day she had gotten it. It was the day when she and Arnav had been locked up in his office store-room. He had yanked the phone away from her and thrown it in anger, as she wasn't giving him her attention. That memory brought a teary smile to her lips. She had turned away for moment to answer her sister's call that day and he had become infuriated with her, and now she hadn't talked to him for over a month and he hadn't said anything or called once.
Moreover, he had told Amma and Bua ji off for pestering her with the reason behind her leaving him and her constant crying. How he had changed, the man who wouldn't tolerate her silence or have her looking away even for a nano-second when he was in conversation with her, now let her have her space without a single complaint. Furthermore he made sure that no one else made a fuss about it either. As much as this gesture made her love him more, a part of her resented him for this too. That part of her wished that he would make contact, that he would assert his right, his authority on her. That he would come down here and talk to her. That he would call her. But alas she knew he wouldn't, as much as it ached him to restrain himself from calling her he wouldn't call, because she had asked him not too. Ugh! Why did he love her so much, that he did everything she asked him to do. Love sucked!!
'Well staring at the phone all day won't make him call you Khushi!!' irritated, she thought aloud. 'If you want to hear his voice, if you want to wish him good luck, then you will have to call him yourself!! If you were brave enough to walk away from him, when every fiber in your body begged you not to, then find the courage to call him when every pulse in your body beseeches you to talk to him! Come on Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada you can do this. Its' just a simple phone call. You can make it. And he is your husband for crying out loud, you can call him! Come on you can do it!!'
Taking a deep breath, hunching her shoulders, and continuing to motivate herself loudly she picked up the phone and dialed the number her fingers knew too well.Ring...Ring...Ri- 'Oh no no no no no no what am I doing. I can't do this. I-'
'Khushi?' Arnav's breathless voice cut through her meltdown.
Both went quiet, just taking in each others' voice. It had been too long since they had heard each other. Arnav clung onto the phone and waited with baited breath to hear more of her voice, when he had picked up she had been mumbling something unintelligible. He could hear her breath now, it was short and raspy. She was nervous. He was too.
They began floating in the sweet company of each other. Creating a haven for themselves in each others' heavy breathing they heard through the phone. The sensation of hearing each other was invigorating and both stayed in the trance created by their breaths for a long time.
When they finally came out of it an awkward, pregnant silence followed, where both were bursting to say many things but didn't know how to say it. Finally, Khushi croaked out a husky 'Arnav ji...' but stopped there, unsure of what to say next.
'Khushi...' he prodded her, hungry to hear more of her melodious voice.
'Arnav ji...I...I just wanted to...ummm...you're going to meet the lawyers today...so I just wanted to tell you that...that I will be praying to DM for you. I will pray that things go in your favour today...' she let her voice trail off after that, unsure of what to say next. Silence lingered in the air between them during which they both just listened to their own escalating heart-beats, and each others' breath, that was quickening by the minute.
Finally unable to take the tension and becoming completely short of breath, Khushi cut the phone. Leaving Arnav yet again speechless on his end. He stared at his phone, unsure whether he had actually had the conversation with Khushi or if he had imagined it all in his head. Just to be sure he checked by going into his call log, and there it was: phone call from Khushi, which had lasted fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. They had talked for fifteen minutes?!! Impossible that hadn't even felt like a minute! But then again they hadn't talked for fifteen minutes, had they? They had just listened to each other for about fourteen minutes and talked for just the one. Correction, she had talked to him for one minute or so, he had been a mute idiot who had been unable to say anything. Ugh idiot!! Idiot! Idiot! He missed such a great opportunity to talk to her. She had called. She had actually called to talk to him and he being the idiot he was had stood there dumbstruck and not said anything, thereby causing her to finally disconnect the line. What would she think...
But never mind what he had done, he redirected his thoughts, he couldn't change that, besides what mattered was that she had called. She had called him, to wish him and pray for him. She knew he was going to meet the lawyers today, that meant she had been keeping track of him, probably through Di or Nani, or both, he would grill Nani when he got back to know if she had been calling her. But that was beside the point, for the poignant thing was that she was keeping tabs on him, making sure he was ok and also keeping track of his case: even during this time which she had taken to understand her own feelings, she was putting him first. She couldn't keep herself away from him. It felt good to know that. Not that she was more concerned for him than herself, that he wasn't pleased to learn, but then again he had always known that fact about her, that she never could put herself before anybody else. That trait of her both touched his heart as well as annoyed him, for it meant she never took time out for herself, which was why she had left him in the first place, for she had finally realized she needed to give herself some time and that is why he had left her alone. So the fact that she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be annoyed him, for he wanted her to put herself first, make sure she was ok before anyone else, even if that someone else was him.
However, the fact that she was concerned for him, also gave him hope. Hope of their relationship finding a way back to each other. Because if even in this moment when she had found out such ugly truths about him she managed to be more concerned about him than about herself meant that she would soon find a way to love him again. NO. That he would soon manage to do something good, to win her love and respect again. To earn her love and respect back.
It felt good to know that no matter what was happening between them, no matter how much the distance, they were still tied together and still connected. Well truthfully he had always known that deep down inside, but it felt good to be reassured of it.
Feeling more confident for the meeting and what the future had to hold, Arnav left the house with a smile, and a light spring in his step to Mr Roy's office.
But no matter what Nani said about his confidence, she knew he would be a nervous wreck on the inside right now, and that he required her support (but would never voice it) and she desperately wanted to give it to him but wasn't sure how. She wanted to call him, tell him that she was there and had his back, but they just felt like empty words to her as she wasn't there and she herself had turned her back on him, leaving him without any support. So how could she call him, what right did she have to call him, when she had left his side during the most trying period of his life. She had broken her vows to him, more importantly broken her promise to him that she would stand by him no matter what, and he had let her. Why had he done that?! Why hadn't he tried to stop her?!! Well why would he, when she was the one who had told him not too. When she was the one who had opened her big mouth and said all those things that had broken his heart, making sure that he wouldn't stop her.
She had seen him crumble from within right in front of her, yet she had not done anything, just kept walking away from him. How that face haunted her. It had been a whole month, yet his defeated visage was still a crystal clear picture engraved in her mind, constantly in front of her, as if she could actually see him beaten down in front of her at this very moment.
She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, trying to get that image of him, and the feeling it created inside of her, to pass. She had been doing a lot of this lately, for every other moment she would remember that face and curse herself for leaving him, in order to figure out her own feelings. For being so selfish.
When she finally opened her eyes they fell on her cracked phone-screen, which was still in her hands. She stared at the crack remembering the day she had gotten it. It was the day when she and Arnav had been locked up in his office store-room. He had yanked the phone away from her and thrown it in anger, as she wasn't giving him her attention. That memory brought a teary smile to her lips. She had turned away for moment to answer her sister's call that day and he had become infuriated with her, and now she hadn't talked to him for over a month and he hadn't said anything or called once.
Moreover, he had told Amma and Bua ji off for pestering her with the reason behind her leaving him and her constant crying. How he had changed, the man who wouldn't tolerate her silence or have her looking away even for a nano-second when he was in conversation with her, now let her have her space without a single complaint. Furthermore he made sure that no one else made a fuss about it either. As much as this gesture made her love him more, a part of her resented him for this too. That part of her wished that he would make contact, that he would assert his right, his authority on her. That he would come down here and talk to her. That he would call her. But alas she knew he wouldn't, as much as it ached him to restrain himself from calling her he wouldn't call, because she had asked him not too. Ugh! Why did he love her so much, that he did everything she asked him to do. Love sucked!!
'Well staring at the phone all day won't make him call you Khushi!!' irritated, she thought aloud. 'If you want to hear his voice, if you want to wish him good luck, then you will have to call him yourself!! If you were brave enough to walk away from him, when every fiber in your body begged you not to, then find the courage to call him when every pulse in your body beseeches you to talk to him! Come on Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada you can do this. Its' just a simple phone call. You can make it. And he is your husband for crying out loud, you can call him! Come on you can do it!!'
Taking a deep breath, hunching her shoulders, and continuing to motivate herself loudly she picked up the phone and dialed the number her fingers knew too well.Ring...Ring...Ri- 'Oh no no no no no no what am I doing. I can't do this. I-'
'Khushi?' Arnav's breathless voice cut through her meltdown.
Both went quiet, just taking in each others' voice. It had been too long since they had heard each other. Arnav clung onto the phone and waited with baited breath to hear more of her voice, when he had picked up she had been mumbling something unintelligible. He could hear her breath now, it was short and raspy. She was nervous. He was too.
They began floating in the sweet company of each other. Creating a haven for themselves in each others' heavy breathing they heard through the phone. The sensation of hearing each other was invigorating and both stayed in the trance created by their breaths for a long time.
When they finally came out of it an awkward, pregnant silence followed, where both were bursting to say many things but didn't know how to say it. Finally, Khushi croaked out a husky 'Arnav ji...' but stopped there, unsure of what to say next.
'Khushi...' he prodded her, hungry to hear more of her melodious voice.
'Arnav ji...I...I just wanted to...ummm...you're going to meet the lawyers today...so I just wanted to tell you that...that I will be praying to DM for you. I will pray that things go in your favour today...' she let her voice trail off after that, unsure of what to say next. Silence lingered in the air between them during which they both just listened to their own escalating heart-beats, and each others' breath, that was quickening by the minute.
Finally unable to take the tension and becoming completely short of breath, Khushi cut the phone. Leaving Arnav yet again speechless on his end. He stared at his phone, unsure whether he had actually had the conversation with Khushi or if he had imagined it all in his head. Just to be sure he checked by going into his call log, and there it was: phone call from Khushi, which had lasted fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. They had talked for fifteen minutes?!! Impossible that hadn't even felt like a minute! But then again they hadn't talked for fifteen minutes, had they? They had just listened to each other for about fourteen minutes and talked for just the one. Correction, she had talked to him for one minute or so, he had been a mute idiot who had been unable to say anything. Ugh idiot!! Idiot! Idiot! He missed such a great opportunity to talk to her. She had called. She had actually called to talk to him and he being the idiot he was had stood there dumbstruck and not said anything, thereby causing her to finally disconnect the line. What would she think...
But never mind what he had done, he redirected his thoughts, he couldn't change that, besides what mattered was that she had called. She had called him, to wish him and pray for him. She knew he was going to meet the lawyers today, that meant she had been keeping track of him, probably through Di or Nani, or both, he would grill Nani when he got back to know if she had been calling her. But that was beside the point, for the poignant thing was that she was keeping tabs on him, making sure he was ok and also keeping track of his case: even during this time which she had taken to understand her own feelings, she was putting him first. She couldn't keep herself away from him. It felt good to know that. Not that she was more concerned for him than herself, that he wasn't pleased to learn, but then again he had always known that fact about her, that she never could put herself before anybody else. That trait of her both touched his heart as well as annoyed him, for it meant she never took time out for herself, which was why she had left him in the first place, for she had finally realized she needed to give herself some time and that is why he had left her alone. So the fact that she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be annoyed him, for he wanted her to put herself first, make sure she was ok before anyone else, even if that someone else was him.
However, the fact that she was concerned for him, also gave him hope. Hope of their relationship finding a way back to each other. Because if even in this moment when she had found out such ugly truths about him she managed to be more concerned about him than about herself meant that she would soon find a way to love him again. NO. That he would soon manage to do something good, to win her love and respect again. To earn her love and respect back.
It felt good to know that no matter what was happening between them, no matter how much the distance, they were still tied together and still connected. Well truthfully he had always known that deep down inside, but it felt good to be reassured of it.
Feeling more confident for the meeting and what the future had to hold, Arnav left the house with a smile, and a light spring in his step to Mr Roy's office.
*****
RSS Feed
