There was silence. Pure silence. And then Anjali's fury broke loose.
'HOW DARE YOU?!!! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO AN INNOCENT GIRL CHOTEY?!! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO PLAY WITH AN INNOCENT GIRL'S LIFE IN SUCH A HEINOUS WAY?!! WHO?!!! I AM ASKING YOU A QUESTION!!! LOOK AT ME!! WHEN YOU DIDN'T SHY AWAY THEN THAN WHY DO YOU HIDE YOUR FACE NOW BEHIND THOSE HANDS! I SAID LOOK AT ME AND ANSWER!!'
'Di...' Arnav managed in a frail whimper, this was not how he had wanted Anjali to find out, he had wanted to tell her himself properly not have her overhear. But then did it really matter, she would still be just as appalled by his actions whether or not he gave her sufficient time to get her ready for what he was about to reveal. But her reaction made his crime all the more real, all the more hideous and he felt like a dirty little insect that had crawled out of the sewers. 'Di...' he tried again a little louder this time.
'DON'T!! DON'T YOU DARE SAY MY NAME FROM THOSE LIPS OF YOURS!!! DON'T!!' This time she had not shouted but had said it in a very low, menacing hiss, that made the very hair on Khushi's hand stand as though someone had passed high-voltage current through it.
'Di...please...please don't say that,' but she had turned away, unable to look at him, 'Di,' he moved towards her, 'Di please let me explain, let me...'
'Explain?!!! Explain what Chotey?!!! What possible reason could ever justify you playing with someone's life?!!' She stared at him, daring him to give such an exceptional reason that could make his actions right, may be even hoping. But he had no answer, for as she had said, and he now knew, there was no reason applicable for the crime he had committed.
Anjali, looked away again, pain surging through her. When she finally found her voice again, she whispered in resignation, 'We didn't raise you like this Chotey...me, Mamma, Nani, we gave you a good upbringing...we taught you all the morals, all the gentlemen values, then what...what possessed you to do such an unspeakable thing...what Chotey...tell me...why? Why did you do this?' There was so much hurt in her voice that it broke whatever was left of Arnav's heart. He couldn't bear her feeling such despair and that too because of him. It wasn't right Anjali, Khushi, neither deserved this pain. This was his crime and yet they were suffering. It tortured him, how his one thoughtless move had led to so much despair and destruction. How many lives had he ruined due to his one wrong decision, Sheetal, Aarav, Khushi and Anjali. They all suffered due to him, he truly was a cruel monster.
'Di...I...it...I...I was stupid...I was just so angry...so filled with rage that I just wanted to cause them pain...I just wanted to...you were hurt...and I...I...I didn't think, I just...'
'Yeah you didn't think Chotey!! You didn't!! And what exactly did you think you would achieve by all this, a pat on the back from me!! Some how ruining Viraj ji's sister's life would make me happy?!!! How could you even think that!! Do you not know me at all Chotey...how could you possibly think that I would find happiness when someone else suffered because of you!!
'Oh gawd...' she suddenly clapped her hands on her mouth as something dawned upon her, 'Now it makes sense, why I got an unfaithful man like Shyam in my life because my own brother was unfaithful to an innocent girl...a girl who had no knowledge of what went on that day...you ruined her, so how could I get happiness...you know what they say you can't build your home on someone else's grave....DM punishes those who try...'
Arnav was now staring at Anjali horrified. Could this be true, could he have single handily caused Anjali to fall for an unfaithful man because he had been unfaithful...up until now he had hated himself for what he had done, now he felt a new emotion. Terror. Terror, at realising how he was responsible for Anjali's broken marriage, yes he may not have done it intentionally but he ruined another woman's life and so his Di's life got ruined too...he didn't necessarily believe that DM had done this but he had seen enough in his life to know that karma was a b***h.
He gaped at Anjali, terror seeping from his body. Knowing that he was responsible, responsible for everything.
'Oh Chotey...' Anjali sighed, too exhausted from the rage that had held her moments ago to be angry anymore, 'Why did you do this? We had left that life, we had left Lucknow and all those people who had turned their backs on us, then why did you have to go back. How many times, how many times did I tell you to let it go, to move on, why did you think I said that, because I knew, I knew if you didn't then you anger would grow into rage, blind rage and in that you would do something that you would regret...and now that has happened. I tried to make you see, make you understand, but you just didn't listen...why Chotey...what did you get from all of this hunh...did Mamma, Bau ji come back...no right, did Viraj ji come back no...so then what was the point of it all...'
'I don't know Di...I don't know...at the time it seemed like the best plan, the only plan, to bring some relief into me...but your right even then I didn't feel any relief, even after I had done what I did to Sheetal, I tried to tell myself I was happy, I was satisfied, but even then I knew what I had done was wrong, and I couldn't live with myself, that is why I left early for the states that summer I didn't want to be in India and didn't return the next summer or the one after until I didn't graduate...I wanted to far away from here...and over time I convinced myself that it was ok and allowed myself to forget...but today I can longer tell myself that, I know what I did was wrong, heinously wrong and that is why today I not only want to take responsibility for what I did but also make things right.'
Both Khushi and Anjali jerked their heads up at this. What did he mean by making things right? What was going on his mind now...Anjali voiced this concern to which he replied, 'Di I...I am going to go over to Sheetal's house today and beg for her forgiveness and also-' but he didn't finish that sentence, for Anjali had leapt up from her sitting position on the floor and wrangled his arms, placing her face inches away from his,
'You will do no such thing!' she hissed. 'That poor girl has suffered enough at your hands, you will not meet her!'
'Di...'
'I'm warning you Chotey, you didn't listen to me then, so you better listen now, you will not go anywhere near her!!! She doesn't need to have her old wounds opened again at seeing you!! Stay away from that family Arnav, I mean it!!' her voice was stern, carrying the full weight of the Raizada authority in it.
There was silence for moment, then Arnav tried to reason again, but this time was hushed by someone he had forgotten was still there. Khushi.
'You cannot meet her Arnav ji.' She said in a voice most unlike hers. They all were shocked, including her, at hearing her speak. Anjali and Arnav for they did not remember she was still there and Khushi because her voice came out all hoarse but to her surprise, calm.
'Khushi...you clearly understand why I have to go, I mean Aarav...'
'Arnav ji, you cannot meet her, because...because she is dead. She died when Aarav was two and a half years old. Suicide.' Now it was Arnav's turn to go pale. Two and a half, that meant three years after the incident, as in sometime after she came to visit him at AR. He felt as though he was going to be sick. He could feel the bile rise in his throat, he had lead her to her death. He. Arnav Singh Raizada. He really was the devil incarnate...for he had ruined so many people's life with just one misguided action.
He backed into the wall and slumped to the floor, unable to hold himself together anymore. What had he done? As he sat there he heard excerpts of Anjali and Khushi's conversation,
'Are...are you sure Khushi ji?' came Anjali's trembling voice.
'Yes.' There was something off in Khushi's voice, it was too layered. Then he realised it was probably because she was crying or trying to hold her tears back, which caused her voice to come out thick with emotion. 'Viraj ji, told me himself.'
'Viraj? You met Viraj ji?' This caught Arnav's attention too and he looked up to concentrate better on the conversation.
'Yes, I met him a couple of days back, when I went to drop Aarav off and to try and get hold of his hair for a DNA test. That is when he told me about Aarav's mom. He didn't mention her name but, I figured that it was Sheetal from Arnav's ji story, for he said Aarav was his sister's son.'
'Wait DNA test? Whose DNA test? Anjal asked anxiously.
Khushi looked nervously from Arnav, back to Anjali. As did he. She did not know about Aarav yet.
'Di...' said Arnav getting up, Anjali turned around to face him, 'Maybe you should sit down first.' He said as he moved towards her, but she brushed his hands away, not in the mood to be patronised, she just wanted the truth, the whole truth now.
'Di, you see the reason I told Khushi about Sheetal, the reason I remembered spending a night with her, was because of Aarav.' Anjali began to ask who Aarav was, but he silenced her motioning that he was going to explain all. 'See Di, Khushi met Aarav, an eight year old kid, about a month back, and weirdly they kept on meeting, I met him once too, and with every meeting Khushi kept noticing similarities between us it got to such a point that Khushi started believing he was my son.
'So then about two days ago she acquired his hair sample and mine and got it tested, the reports came back positive yesterday and that is when we found out he was my son. And at first I couldn't remember having had that sort of relations with anyone but when I thought about it later it came to me that I had, with Sheetal and that is why I revealed all of it today to Khushi and you.'
Anjali stared, dumbstruck. Arnav had a son?!! Her Chotey was a father?!! She a...an Aunt!! A smile spread on her face at the thought of having the little boy run around Shantivan and bring colours of happiness in all their lives...happiness...that brought all her musings to a halt. She didn't have a right to be happy, not after what Arnav had done. And especially not at the expense of Sheetal. For it was her son she had began dreaming about, making clothes for him and buying him gifts. Spoiling him in every way possible. She looked up at him, tears brimming, she toughened her heart as she said,
'I know what you are thinking Chotey...that you will raise him and give him all the happiness that you didn't give his mother...but Chotey, do you really think Viraj ji would let you take him. You have to remember to him you are not Aarav's dad, but the man who ruined his sister's life and lead her to commit suicide. Besides, if Sheetal wanted you to be a part of Aarav's life than I am sure she would have let you know about him. Clearly she didn't Chotey, so would it be right for you to go claiming him now. I mean you didn't respect her, the least you could do is respect her wishes to have him away from you. I know it would be hard but...'
He thought over what she said. It made sense, but Aarav was his son and nothing could change that. And he had a right to at least try and be a part of his life, especially now when he had no mother. 'Di,' he approached her, 'I'm hearing what you are saying, and yes it may well be Sheetal's wish that I never meet Aarav, but Di she is not around anymore if she was maybe I would have restrained myself. But the fact that Aarav at this moment in time is parentless makes my resolve even more solid that I should go and bring him here. He should at least grow up under one parent's love and support. And maybe just maybe Sheetal may forgive me for at least taking care of her son, when I didn't take care of her.
'Di I am going to go. I am sorry for disobeying you, but I have to. Whatever happens I will deal with it, I have too, for its my own mess. But Aarav will get a parent, I will see to it. And he will know what I have done, I will tell him myself for he has a right to know that too, and then he can decide for himself whether he wants me in his life or not. For really, it is his life and he should be given the right to decide for himself.' With that he picked up his keys and left.
He had just revved the engine and turned to pull his seat-belt around when he heard the passenger side door open. He looked up to find Khushi silently sliding herself inside. She closed the door, plugged the seat-belt in and sat waiting him to follow suit. She did not once look at him. But having her there with him was more than enough for now. Feeling as though his heart may finally begin healing after yesterdays' wear and tear it had experienced, he put his buckle in place and put the car in reverse.
'HOW DARE YOU?!!! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO AN INNOCENT GIRL CHOTEY?!! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO PLAY WITH AN INNOCENT GIRL'S LIFE IN SUCH A HEINOUS WAY?!! WHO?!!! I AM ASKING YOU A QUESTION!!! LOOK AT ME!! WHEN YOU DIDN'T SHY AWAY THEN THAN WHY DO YOU HIDE YOUR FACE NOW BEHIND THOSE HANDS! I SAID LOOK AT ME AND ANSWER!!'
'Di...' Arnav managed in a frail whimper, this was not how he had wanted Anjali to find out, he had wanted to tell her himself properly not have her overhear. But then did it really matter, she would still be just as appalled by his actions whether or not he gave her sufficient time to get her ready for what he was about to reveal. But her reaction made his crime all the more real, all the more hideous and he felt like a dirty little insect that had crawled out of the sewers. 'Di...' he tried again a little louder this time.
'DON'T!! DON'T YOU DARE SAY MY NAME FROM THOSE LIPS OF YOURS!!! DON'T!!' This time she had not shouted but had said it in a very low, menacing hiss, that made the very hair on Khushi's hand stand as though someone had passed high-voltage current through it.
'Di...please...please don't say that,' but she had turned away, unable to look at him, 'Di,' he moved towards her, 'Di please let me explain, let me...'
'Explain?!!! Explain what Chotey?!!! What possible reason could ever justify you playing with someone's life?!!' She stared at him, daring him to give such an exceptional reason that could make his actions right, may be even hoping. But he had no answer, for as she had said, and he now knew, there was no reason applicable for the crime he had committed.
Anjali, looked away again, pain surging through her. When she finally found her voice again, she whispered in resignation, 'We didn't raise you like this Chotey...me, Mamma, Nani, we gave you a good upbringing...we taught you all the morals, all the gentlemen values, then what...what possessed you to do such an unspeakable thing...what Chotey...tell me...why? Why did you do this?' There was so much hurt in her voice that it broke whatever was left of Arnav's heart. He couldn't bear her feeling such despair and that too because of him. It wasn't right Anjali, Khushi, neither deserved this pain. This was his crime and yet they were suffering. It tortured him, how his one thoughtless move had led to so much despair and destruction. How many lives had he ruined due to his one wrong decision, Sheetal, Aarav, Khushi and Anjali. They all suffered due to him, he truly was a cruel monster.
'Di...I...it...I...I was stupid...I was just so angry...so filled with rage that I just wanted to cause them pain...I just wanted to...you were hurt...and I...I...I didn't think, I just...'
'Yeah you didn't think Chotey!! You didn't!! And what exactly did you think you would achieve by all this, a pat on the back from me!! Some how ruining Viraj ji's sister's life would make me happy?!!! How could you even think that!! Do you not know me at all Chotey...how could you possibly think that I would find happiness when someone else suffered because of you!!
'Oh gawd...' she suddenly clapped her hands on her mouth as something dawned upon her, 'Now it makes sense, why I got an unfaithful man like Shyam in my life because my own brother was unfaithful to an innocent girl...a girl who had no knowledge of what went on that day...you ruined her, so how could I get happiness...you know what they say you can't build your home on someone else's grave....DM punishes those who try...'
Arnav was now staring at Anjali horrified. Could this be true, could he have single handily caused Anjali to fall for an unfaithful man because he had been unfaithful...up until now he had hated himself for what he had done, now he felt a new emotion. Terror. Terror, at realising how he was responsible for Anjali's broken marriage, yes he may not have done it intentionally but he ruined another woman's life and so his Di's life got ruined too...he didn't necessarily believe that DM had done this but he had seen enough in his life to know that karma was a b***h.
He gaped at Anjali, terror seeping from his body. Knowing that he was responsible, responsible for everything.
'Oh Chotey...' Anjali sighed, too exhausted from the rage that had held her moments ago to be angry anymore, 'Why did you do this? We had left that life, we had left Lucknow and all those people who had turned their backs on us, then why did you have to go back. How many times, how many times did I tell you to let it go, to move on, why did you think I said that, because I knew, I knew if you didn't then you anger would grow into rage, blind rage and in that you would do something that you would regret...and now that has happened. I tried to make you see, make you understand, but you just didn't listen...why Chotey...what did you get from all of this hunh...did Mamma, Bau ji come back...no right, did Viraj ji come back no...so then what was the point of it all...'
'I don't know Di...I don't know...at the time it seemed like the best plan, the only plan, to bring some relief into me...but your right even then I didn't feel any relief, even after I had done what I did to Sheetal, I tried to tell myself I was happy, I was satisfied, but even then I knew what I had done was wrong, and I couldn't live with myself, that is why I left early for the states that summer I didn't want to be in India and didn't return the next summer or the one after until I didn't graduate...I wanted to far away from here...and over time I convinced myself that it was ok and allowed myself to forget...but today I can longer tell myself that, I know what I did was wrong, heinously wrong and that is why today I not only want to take responsibility for what I did but also make things right.'
Both Khushi and Anjali jerked their heads up at this. What did he mean by making things right? What was going on his mind now...Anjali voiced this concern to which he replied, 'Di I...I am going to go over to Sheetal's house today and beg for her forgiveness and also-' but he didn't finish that sentence, for Anjali had leapt up from her sitting position on the floor and wrangled his arms, placing her face inches away from his,
'You will do no such thing!' she hissed. 'That poor girl has suffered enough at your hands, you will not meet her!'
'Di...'
'I'm warning you Chotey, you didn't listen to me then, so you better listen now, you will not go anywhere near her!!! She doesn't need to have her old wounds opened again at seeing you!! Stay away from that family Arnav, I mean it!!' her voice was stern, carrying the full weight of the Raizada authority in it.
There was silence for moment, then Arnav tried to reason again, but this time was hushed by someone he had forgotten was still there. Khushi.
'You cannot meet her Arnav ji.' She said in a voice most unlike hers. They all were shocked, including her, at hearing her speak. Anjali and Arnav for they did not remember she was still there and Khushi because her voice came out all hoarse but to her surprise, calm.
'Khushi...you clearly understand why I have to go, I mean Aarav...'
'Arnav ji, you cannot meet her, because...because she is dead. She died when Aarav was two and a half years old. Suicide.' Now it was Arnav's turn to go pale. Two and a half, that meant three years after the incident, as in sometime after she came to visit him at AR. He felt as though he was going to be sick. He could feel the bile rise in his throat, he had lead her to her death. He. Arnav Singh Raizada. He really was the devil incarnate...for he had ruined so many people's life with just one misguided action.
He backed into the wall and slumped to the floor, unable to hold himself together anymore. What had he done? As he sat there he heard excerpts of Anjali and Khushi's conversation,
'Are...are you sure Khushi ji?' came Anjali's trembling voice.
'Yes.' There was something off in Khushi's voice, it was too layered. Then he realised it was probably because she was crying or trying to hold her tears back, which caused her voice to come out thick with emotion. 'Viraj ji, told me himself.'
'Viraj? You met Viraj ji?' This caught Arnav's attention too and he looked up to concentrate better on the conversation.
'Yes, I met him a couple of days back, when I went to drop Aarav off and to try and get hold of his hair for a DNA test. That is when he told me about Aarav's mom. He didn't mention her name but, I figured that it was Sheetal from Arnav's ji story, for he said Aarav was his sister's son.'
'Wait DNA test? Whose DNA test? Anjal asked anxiously.
Khushi looked nervously from Arnav, back to Anjali. As did he. She did not know about Aarav yet.
'Di...' said Arnav getting up, Anjali turned around to face him, 'Maybe you should sit down first.' He said as he moved towards her, but she brushed his hands away, not in the mood to be patronised, she just wanted the truth, the whole truth now.
'Di, you see the reason I told Khushi about Sheetal, the reason I remembered spending a night with her, was because of Aarav.' Anjali began to ask who Aarav was, but he silenced her motioning that he was going to explain all. 'See Di, Khushi met Aarav, an eight year old kid, about a month back, and weirdly they kept on meeting, I met him once too, and with every meeting Khushi kept noticing similarities between us it got to such a point that Khushi started believing he was my son.
'So then about two days ago she acquired his hair sample and mine and got it tested, the reports came back positive yesterday and that is when we found out he was my son. And at first I couldn't remember having had that sort of relations with anyone but when I thought about it later it came to me that I had, with Sheetal and that is why I revealed all of it today to Khushi and you.'
Anjali stared, dumbstruck. Arnav had a son?!! Her Chotey was a father?!! She a...an Aunt!! A smile spread on her face at the thought of having the little boy run around Shantivan and bring colours of happiness in all their lives...happiness...that brought all her musings to a halt. She didn't have a right to be happy, not after what Arnav had done. And especially not at the expense of Sheetal. For it was her son she had began dreaming about, making clothes for him and buying him gifts. Spoiling him in every way possible. She looked up at him, tears brimming, she toughened her heart as she said,
'I know what you are thinking Chotey...that you will raise him and give him all the happiness that you didn't give his mother...but Chotey, do you really think Viraj ji would let you take him. You have to remember to him you are not Aarav's dad, but the man who ruined his sister's life and lead her to commit suicide. Besides, if Sheetal wanted you to be a part of Aarav's life than I am sure she would have let you know about him. Clearly she didn't Chotey, so would it be right for you to go claiming him now. I mean you didn't respect her, the least you could do is respect her wishes to have him away from you. I know it would be hard but...'
He thought over what she said. It made sense, but Aarav was his son and nothing could change that. And he had a right to at least try and be a part of his life, especially now when he had no mother. 'Di,' he approached her, 'I'm hearing what you are saying, and yes it may well be Sheetal's wish that I never meet Aarav, but Di she is not around anymore if she was maybe I would have restrained myself. But the fact that Aarav at this moment in time is parentless makes my resolve even more solid that I should go and bring him here. He should at least grow up under one parent's love and support. And maybe just maybe Sheetal may forgive me for at least taking care of her son, when I didn't take care of her.
'Di I am going to go. I am sorry for disobeying you, but I have to. Whatever happens I will deal with it, I have too, for its my own mess. But Aarav will get a parent, I will see to it. And he will know what I have done, I will tell him myself for he has a right to know that too, and then he can decide for himself whether he wants me in his life or not. For really, it is his life and he should be given the right to decide for himself.' With that he picked up his keys and left.
He had just revved the engine and turned to pull his seat-belt around when he heard the passenger side door open. He looked up to find Khushi silently sliding herself inside. She closed the door, plugged the seat-belt in and sat waiting him to follow suit. She did not once look at him. But having her there with him was more than enough for now. Feeling as though his heart may finally begin healing after yesterdays' wear and tear it had experienced, he put his buckle in place and put the car in reverse.
*****