Khushi crumpled to the ground just outside the Maha-Raja suite. Inside which Shyam went on with his dirty deed, not even bothering to follow her out; to stop her or to apologize. Not that she would listen or forgive him, but it hurt more that he didn’t even care, that she meant so little to him, that he didn’t even try to run out after her and make amends. Scoundrel!!
The tears came in full flow now, as her dreams bled out in them. The dreams she had so intricately woven with Shyam. She had planned a whole future with him. Where they would live, how many children they would have, where their children would go to school. And now all gone. Vanished. In a moment of lust he had taken them all and strangled them, not even stopping once to think about who he was doing this too. This was Khushi, his best-friend, how could he have done this to her. She had trusted him, loved him and he had turned around and thrown that in her face.
She didn’t understand what had gone wrong. What had she done that made him take such a drastic and demeaning step? Why would he do such a thing when he loved her? Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he never had and she had fooled herself to believe that what they had was love. What had taken place last night was love. But it wasn’t. How could it be? For if it had been love then he would never have done what he was doing inside at this moment. She had been such a fool; she had given herself to him when he did not deserve it. She had let him touch her, taste her, explore her for his lust not love. And now he had left her all tainted and disparaged.
Well that’s what she deserved didn’t she, for going against her teachings and morals; for defying her DM. She was being punished and rightly so, for what she had done last night. And to think she had foolishly believed that what had occurred last night was right. That she had justified it to be ok. Idiot! Of course it wasn’t and to confirm that she saw the consequences of her actions right before her within twenty-four hours.
As she cried her eyes caught sight of an image of hideous a woman on the wall. A closer inspection made her realize who it was. Her. She was looking at her own reflection in the huge mirror that hung on the wall; she shied away instantly. For what she saw made her recoil. She saw a disgraceful woman. A lewd woman. A woman who had not kept her legs closed. She was disgusting! She was no better than the slut who was sleeping with Shyam inside!
She was repulsed by herself. She wanted to throw up at her own sight. She wanted to run away from her own skin; the skin which she had so recklessly tainted and destroyed. As she diverted her eyes they landed on the jewelry she had on, suddenly they felt like shackles that held her hostage in her own rotten body, cutting deep into her soul. They scorned her, telling her that she did not deserve to have such luxuries bestowed upon her dirty body. That they trinkets of beauty, eligible only for the pure and blessed not a soiled whore like her. How dare she adorn her body with such beautiful garments and jewelry, it did not deserve it. She was a spoilt, ruined woman who did not deserve anything beautiful!!
Hastily, she began scrounging her body of all the ornaments it decked and threw them all onto the carpet in front of her, as if they were on fire. As if they burnt her already blemished skin. She let out a cry of agony as she roughly scoured her body yearning to cleanse it. Yearning to make it go back to the pure state it had been a day earlier. But all the scrubbing only made her bruise, making her glow red. Red. The colour of an adulterous woman; which she was now. Her own body was tagging her, tormenting her with the stigma she had placed upon it.
She was a defiled creature. What would people say? How they would taunt her? How they would taunt her family? They would all be ruined because of her!! How could she have bestowed this horrendous ordeal on the people who had taken her in? Who had given her a home and love? What would they say? Would they want to have anything to do with her? No! Why would they? She herself didn’t want to know her anymore! How would she face them after having committed this sin?
She could imagine the horror and disgust on all there faces’ as they spied her entering the hall. They would know what she had done, for she reeked of her sin. She wore it on her very skin. What would happen then? She would ruin her Jiji’s wedding. What a gift to present her Jiji with – a scandal. And what would her in-laws do, would they accept Payal, when she was associated with her. What if…what if they….NO!!! NO she could not let that happen. She would not let her ruin, ruin her sister’s life. She couldn’t be selfish; she had been last night, but not today. Payal deserved better. Much, much better and she would make sure nothing stood in the way for her happiness. Not even her scandalous self! She would rid herself of this place, go far away so no one would know what had happened. So that not even her impure shadow could be cast on Payal’s pure marriage altar. Yes, she would have to leave, leave them all and never come back.
But wait, what if her disappearance stirred even more horrendous rumours about her, what then. What if the reason she left for ended up becoming the speculation people always did upon a girl’s disappearance, which inturn brought down the same fate on Payal’s marriage that she wished to spare. No she could not have that. And what about Payal, she would be worried sick by now for having seen no sign of her. So would Amma, Bauji and Bua ji. No she could not leave, for society’s theories were worse than their taunts on the truth. No she would have to go.
She had to rise above this chaos and hold herself together long enough to let Payal’s wedding complete without a hitch. She would not let her sister’s world crash because hers’ had. She would not let Shyam ruin her sister’s wedding too. Payal needed her and she would be there for her. She would have to hide her tears for if Payal saw them then she would see her scars too and she could not let her see them, not today. Today was Payal’s big day and she deserved only happiness on this day, no sorrow.
She stood up and checked her watch. 7:05 pm. The groom side would have arrived by now; they must be performing the welcoming puja. Then Payal and Aakash would exchange the garlands at 7:15 pm. She had ten minutes to get to there. Payal must be frantic by now, wondering where she was. Hadn’t she said she wanted Khushi to be by her side during the whole event? She had to leave now.
She hoisted up her lehenga, giving her room to run when her bare foot stepped on something sharp.
‘Aaagh!’ she let out a yelp. Looking down she found a snapped green bangle emerging from under her foot. As she massaged her foot her eyes widened in astonishment at the scene before her, all her jewelry and sandals were scattered across the velvet carpet. In her hurry to get to Payal she forgot about the jewelry she had yanked off her bodice. She looked into the mirror once again and recoiled at the visage she saw, she looked like the victim of a horrific assault: her face was smeared with tear tracks, her make-up had been washed away with her dreams leaving an ugly mark and her whole body was bare and red for they bore none of the vanities of a pure woman. She couldn’t go down like this, eyes would definitely turn and whispers would fill the air drowning the music that the deck blared.
Quickly, she picked up each of her jewelry and placed it back on herself. It felt strange being clad in these ornaments, they seemed foreign to her. But she ignored the feeling, right now getting to the wedding was most important; her feelings, she could mull over later. She would have plenty of time then; it wasn’t like she was going to be married in a month. That thought threatened to make her spiral again, but she checked herself. She needed to be in control of her emotions for Payal. Wiping away her tears and rubbing her face to remove the black tracks left by the mascara and eyeliner that had run-down, she pulled back her disheveled hair and checked herself one last time in the mirror. Deciding that that was the best she could look in this state she hurried off. She could blame the fine cashmere for instigating a rash on her skin to explain the redness that was now all over her skin. And Payal’s wedding itself would cater for her blotchy eyes, everyone had expected her to weep and so that wouldn’t surprise them. Her cover ready she headed out of the fateful corridor and followed the music, forgetting that there wasn’t just one event going on at the Sheesh-Mahal today and the one she was required to be at was 10 floors down, not up here.
As soon as she entered the Patio she knew she something was wrong, for the music that was blaring was all incorrect. It wasn’t the selection that she had given the DJ. Ugh!! Did no one realize that the DJ wasn’t playing Shaadi music, why had no one berated him until now, well why would they, they probably didn’t realize or were busy doing something else, after all music was her department. Fussily, she made her way towards the DJ, who was situated at the back of the enclosure. It was only when she got there that she realized this wasn’t the DJ she had appointed and the decorations were all wrong. It didn’t make sense. She looked around and saw no one she recognized, that’s when she realized her mistake. In her hurry she had entered the wrong event. Ugh you’re a mess Khushi Kumari Gupta. She scolded herself. She began to pave her way back but ended up going further in. It was like she had walked into a fun-house, which had fake doors on every corner, making you forget which one was the one you came in from. Only here there were many tents and drapes that lead from one place to the next. She didn’t like it; it felt like she was trapped in a whirlpool. There people running frantically about, shouting things, she tried to stop them to ask the way out but they wouldn’t listen all to busy trying to get their job done. Annoyed, she started tearing apart several drapes trying to find her way back. That’s when she saw them, a group of ladies stalk out from a gap in the black drape to her right. That must be the exit. She rushed towards it, brushing it aside with one hand and leapt outside. Only it wasn’t outside at all; she ended up finding herself on a ramp behind the group of women who had just walked out. They had formed two lines and she stood in between them. In the centre. All eyes were on her. Oh this was not good. This wasn’t good at all!!
The tears came in full flow now, as her dreams bled out in them. The dreams she had so intricately woven with Shyam. She had planned a whole future with him. Where they would live, how many children they would have, where their children would go to school. And now all gone. Vanished. In a moment of lust he had taken them all and strangled them, not even stopping once to think about who he was doing this too. This was Khushi, his best-friend, how could he have done this to her. She had trusted him, loved him and he had turned around and thrown that in her face.
She didn’t understand what had gone wrong. What had she done that made him take such a drastic and demeaning step? Why would he do such a thing when he loved her? Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he never had and she had fooled herself to believe that what they had was love. What had taken place last night was love. But it wasn’t. How could it be? For if it had been love then he would never have done what he was doing inside at this moment. She had been such a fool; she had given herself to him when he did not deserve it. She had let him touch her, taste her, explore her for his lust not love. And now he had left her all tainted and disparaged.
Well that’s what she deserved didn’t she, for going against her teachings and morals; for defying her DM. She was being punished and rightly so, for what she had done last night. And to think she had foolishly believed that what had occurred last night was right. That she had justified it to be ok. Idiot! Of course it wasn’t and to confirm that she saw the consequences of her actions right before her within twenty-four hours.
As she cried her eyes caught sight of an image of hideous a woman on the wall. A closer inspection made her realize who it was. Her. She was looking at her own reflection in the huge mirror that hung on the wall; she shied away instantly. For what she saw made her recoil. She saw a disgraceful woman. A lewd woman. A woman who had not kept her legs closed. She was disgusting! She was no better than the slut who was sleeping with Shyam inside!
She was repulsed by herself. She wanted to throw up at her own sight. She wanted to run away from her own skin; the skin which she had so recklessly tainted and destroyed. As she diverted her eyes they landed on the jewelry she had on, suddenly they felt like shackles that held her hostage in her own rotten body, cutting deep into her soul. They scorned her, telling her that she did not deserve to have such luxuries bestowed upon her dirty body. That they trinkets of beauty, eligible only for the pure and blessed not a soiled whore like her. How dare she adorn her body with such beautiful garments and jewelry, it did not deserve it. She was a spoilt, ruined woman who did not deserve anything beautiful!!
Hastily, she began scrounging her body of all the ornaments it decked and threw them all onto the carpet in front of her, as if they were on fire. As if they burnt her already blemished skin. She let out a cry of agony as she roughly scoured her body yearning to cleanse it. Yearning to make it go back to the pure state it had been a day earlier. But all the scrubbing only made her bruise, making her glow red. Red. The colour of an adulterous woman; which she was now. Her own body was tagging her, tormenting her with the stigma she had placed upon it.
She was a defiled creature. What would people say? How they would taunt her? How they would taunt her family? They would all be ruined because of her!! How could she have bestowed this horrendous ordeal on the people who had taken her in? Who had given her a home and love? What would they say? Would they want to have anything to do with her? No! Why would they? She herself didn’t want to know her anymore! How would she face them after having committed this sin?
She could imagine the horror and disgust on all there faces’ as they spied her entering the hall. They would know what she had done, for she reeked of her sin. She wore it on her very skin. What would happen then? She would ruin her Jiji’s wedding. What a gift to present her Jiji with – a scandal. And what would her in-laws do, would they accept Payal, when she was associated with her. What if…what if they….NO!!! NO she could not let that happen. She would not let her ruin, ruin her sister’s life. She couldn’t be selfish; she had been last night, but not today. Payal deserved better. Much, much better and she would make sure nothing stood in the way for her happiness. Not even her scandalous self! She would rid herself of this place, go far away so no one would know what had happened. So that not even her impure shadow could be cast on Payal’s pure marriage altar. Yes, she would have to leave, leave them all and never come back.
But wait, what if her disappearance stirred even more horrendous rumours about her, what then. What if the reason she left for ended up becoming the speculation people always did upon a girl’s disappearance, which inturn brought down the same fate on Payal’s marriage that she wished to spare. No she could not have that. And what about Payal, she would be worried sick by now for having seen no sign of her. So would Amma, Bauji and Bua ji. No she could not leave, for society’s theories were worse than their taunts on the truth. No she would have to go.
She had to rise above this chaos and hold herself together long enough to let Payal’s wedding complete without a hitch. She would not let her sister’s world crash because hers’ had. She would not let Shyam ruin her sister’s wedding too. Payal needed her and she would be there for her. She would have to hide her tears for if Payal saw them then she would see her scars too and she could not let her see them, not today. Today was Payal’s big day and she deserved only happiness on this day, no sorrow.
She stood up and checked her watch. 7:05 pm. The groom side would have arrived by now; they must be performing the welcoming puja. Then Payal and Aakash would exchange the garlands at 7:15 pm. She had ten minutes to get to there. Payal must be frantic by now, wondering where she was. Hadn’t she said she wanted Khushi to be by her side during the whole event? She had to leave now.
She hoisted up her lehenga, giving her room to run when her bare foot stepped on something sharp.
‘Aaagh!’ she let out a yelp. Looking down she found a snapped green bangle emerging from under her foot. As she massaged her foot her eyes widened in astonishment at the scene before her, all her jewelry and sandals were scattered across the velvet carpet. In her hurry to get to Payal she forgot about the jewelry she had yanked off her bodice. She looked into the mirror once again and recoiled at the visage she saw, she looked like the victim of a horrific assault: her face was smeared with tear tracks, her make-up had been washed away with her dreams leaving an ugly mark and her whole body was bare and red for they bore none of the vanities of a pure woman. She couldn’t go down like this, eyes would definitely turn and whispers would fill the air drowning the music that the deck blared.
Quickly, she picked up each of her jewelry and placed it back on herself. It felt strange being clad in these ornaments, they seemed foreign to her. But she ignored the feeling, right now getting to the wedding was most important; her feelings, she could mull over later. She would have plenty of time then; it wasn’t like she was going to be married in a month. That thought threatened to make her spiral again, but she checked herself. She needed to be in control of her emotions for Payal. Wiping away her tears and rubbing her face to remove the black tracks left by the mascara and eyeliner that had run-down, she pulled back her disheveled hair and checked herself one last time in the mirror. Deciding that that was the best she could look in this state she hurried off. She could blame the fine cashmere for instigating a rash on her skin to explain the redness that was now all over her skin. And Payal’s wedding itself would cater for her blotchy eyes, everyone had expected her to weep and so that wouldn’t surprise them. Her cover ready she headed out of the fateful corridor and followed the music, forgetting that there wasn’t just one event going on at the Sheesh-Mahal today and the one she was required to be at was 10 floors down, not up here.
As soon as she entered the Patio she knew she something was wrong, for the music that was blaring was all incorrect. It wasn’t the selection that she had given the DJ. Ugh!! Did no one realize that the DJ wasn’t playing Shaadi music, why had no one berated him until now, well why would they, they probably didn’t realize or were busy doing something else, after all music was her department. Fussily, she made her way towards the DJ, who was situated at the back of the enclosure. It was only when she got there that she realized this wasn’t the DJ she had appointed and the decorations were all wrong. It didn’t make sense. She looked around and saw no one she recognized, that’s when she realized her mistake. In her hurry she had entered the wrong event. Ugh you’re a mess Khushi Kumari Gupta. She scolded herself. She began to pave her way back but ended up going further in. It was like she had walked into a fun-house, which had fake doors on every corner, making you forget which one was the one you came in from. Only here there were many tents and drapes that lead from one place to the next. She didn’t like it; it felt like she was trapped in a whirlpool. There people running frantically about, shouting things, she tried to stop them to ask the way out but they wouldn’t listen all to busy trying to get their job done. Annoyed, she started tearing apart several drapes trying to find her way back. That’s when she saw them, a group of ladies stalk out from a gap in the black drape to her right. That must be the exit. She rushed towards it, brushing it aside with one hand and leapt outside. Only it wasn’t outside at all; she ended up finding herself on a ramp behind the group of women who had just walked out. They had formed two lines and she stood in between them. In the centre. All eyes were on her. Oh this was not good. This wasn’t good at all!!
*****
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