'How dare you- He began, anger rising with each syllable.
'Me?!!' He actually had the audacity to ask such a question after what he had just done?!! 'How dare you?!! Who do you think you are?! Nevermind, I don't care to hear your thoughts about yourself, rather what do you take me for?!! How dare you violate me in such a demeaning way?!! What do you have to say for yourself?!!'
'Oh please save me the melodrama! Why are you so upset you got exactly what you wished for? You had me exactly where you wanted and I actually fell for the trap you set, congratulations Khushi Kumari Gupta you managed to succeed in your plans, but enough is enough! I may have slipped once but not again, get lost!! You will get nothing more from me!' He iterated savagely.
She stared at him not comprehending. Then it clicked, how dare he? Turning it around all on her, just because she came here with him, oh she wasn't going to spare him. 'What rubbish?!! You think I wanted your onslaught, oh you are mistaken! You know I thought you capable of a lot of things, but to do this, to stoop this low and blame me, it's beneath even you! You're the one who likes me and advances on me and then turns around and tells me it was all me! It's dispecable...I never thought you to be a coward Arnav ji! Own up to your feelings and accept you're mistake, apologise and I may actually forgive your discrepancy...'
It was his turn to look at her incredulously. What?! She actually thought he liked her?! She was completely dillusional and messed up in the head to have such thoughts. 'What?!' He gave a harsh laugh, 'You think I like you...you're pathetic Khushi Kumari Gupta...so far from the real picture I don't like you Khushi, I despise you!'
'Really? Your act downstairs proves otherwise.' She spat sarcastically at him.
'No it proved exactly what I wanted to prove.' He said demeaningly.
'Oh yeah and what was that?'
'You're character, or rather lack there of.' He alleged.
'Characterless? Really that's rich, coming from a man who forces himself upon women!' She replied angrily, how dare he call her moraless, when it was he who clearly lacked them.
'I do no such thing! You forget Khushi Kumari Gupta I know exactly who you are!' He said threateningly.
'Really, so let's hear it once and for all, exactly who do you believe me to be, as it beats me!'
'Someone who is not worthy of my presence, let alone company!'
'Enough with the insinuations! If you have something to say to me then say it, don't hide behind your inuendos!'
'Fine. Your choice! You're a home-wrecker! That's who you are! Yes, I know all about you! I heard it from your own lips at the hospital. What? Nothing left to say? No more retorts Khushi Kumari Gupta?' He taunted seeing her shell-shocked face. He smirked. 'How could there be? As you can no longer defend yourself because I know. I know everything. How you seduced a married man, made him step out of his marriage, did everything to ensure he would not leave you, but he did, didn't he? He left you and rightly so. For he must have finally seen sense and realized what a foul creature you were and left. Gone back to his wife and family, leaving you all alone, as you should be. For home-wreckers deserves no happiness. They deserve to suffer and be alone.
'You deserved your hysterical pregnancy, for the crimes you exerted on that man's family. For not stopping to think even once how you were separating a loving wife from her husband; a wife who probably worshipped him. Kids who idealized him, you made him fall in front of all their eyes, destroyed them all and didn't think for once. So then how could you get happiness?!' He closed the gap between them and gripped her hard at the shoulders as asked her these questions, wanting to instigate maximum pain in her, for daring to do what his fathers' mistress had done.
'Who would have thought, hearing your name and seeing your face that your were capable of spreading such havoc. But in reality that's exactly what you do, don't you? You use this innocent looking countenance to satisfy your needs, not even realizing the destruction you leave in your wake! You disgust me! If it wasn't for your designing abilities and Nani's insistence on having a PG and that PG being you, I would have thrown you out a long time ago. But I can't, it is my misfortune that I have to keep you around in my life, but make no mistake that's all you are to me. A misfortune. Nothing more and will never be anything more, so you can kill any designs you have in regard to become Mrs Arnav Singh Raizada, for that will never happen as much as you may want it to. I see you exactly for who you are: a moraless, sinfull woman...a wh**e...a woman who sleeps around and disdains the bond of marriage to get money, power and status. Disgusting. You failed with your previous prey so you sought me out, you thought you could trap me right, make me your man, take the shortcut to society's upper-class. Well you thought wrong Khushi Kumari Gupta because I figured you out, your own acts blew your cover and revealed to me your true nature. Now you can't fool me. Because not only do I know who you are, I hate you. My skin crawls at the very sight of you!' He thundered, causing her to recoil from him.
'You sicken me Khushi Kumari Gupta! Sicken me!' With that he grabbed her arm and threw her out of his room. Then turned and slammed the door causing her to shake with the foundations that held the door.
She stood there for a long time. Deathly pale. Shivering. As his words echoed in her head. Taunting her. Labelling her. While his revolted visage was deeply scarred on her retina. It proved exactly what I wanted to prove... a woman who sleeps around and disdains the bond of marriage to get money, power and status ... a moraless, sinfull woman... you're character, or rather lack thereof... You're a home-wrecker!... foul creature... You disgust me... A misfortune......a wh**e... ...I despise you... My very skin crawls at the sight of you... You sicken me Khushi Kumari Gupta. Sicken me!
'No!!!' She shrieked in agony as she slumped to the suite floor, covering her ears and shutting her eyes, trying to get rid of his words and look. But she couldn't they were ingrained into her. So now she knew. What he and the world thought of her. They saw her as something foul that came out of the gutter. They didn't want to be near her, let alone be with her. And to think she had foolishly thought that he had loved her. That was stupid of her to actually think a man capable of that sentiment, she should have known by now that no man was capable of it. They only pretended: to get what they wanted out of a woman and then left her without even a backward glance. It was them who were the foul creatures but who would agree to that when they ran the society themselves. Hypocrites! First they ruined the woman and then called her a wh**e and blamed her for wrecking their lives. Not even thinking about how they had devestated hers'!
But alas why blame them when she was responsible for her own ruin. She should have listened to her intuition that had shouted at her the whole night to stop, but no she had foolishly ignored it and believed Shyam's words.
'I should get going...it's getting late. You must be sleepy too.' She said softly, whilst her body moved swiftly away from his advancing one.
'No...wait Khushi...don't go.' He grabbed her hand before she could stop him. 'It's been a whole month since I last saw you. Come on, stay. There's so much I want to tell you and hear from you.'
'You have heard everything from me already Shyam. I really should go. Jiji may come looking for me.' She said as her voice grew a little high in alarm, for he wouldn't let go of her arm, he had never done that before. Whenever, she had motioned for him to let go of her arm he had always abidded. But this time he tightened his grip instead of loosening it.
'Khushi stay, please...come on, after tommorrow our marriage preparations will start and then no one will let us meet, so this is technically our last night together as best friends, for the next time we meet we'll be husband and wife...so stay. I want to spend some quality time with my best friend.' He whispered dangerously close to her ear. She could feel his hot breath on the back of her neck and it send a frenzy down her spine. She didn't like the proximity.
'Shyam please...' She wrestled with his hand, trying to edge away from him.
'What's wrong Khushi...you're not afraid of me are you? You trust me don't you?' He egged her and it worked, for her head snapped back and she retorted point-blank.
'Of course I do. And why would I be afraid of you mister?! I believe it's you who claim to being frightened by me.' She jibed, not realising that she had fallen straight into his trap. He knew her well, the only way to get her to do something one wanted was to provoke her and he had done that, now she would not be leaving, just to prove that she wasn't afraid and did trust him. He smiled in the dark, he might just get what he wanted without having to wait another month or taking the vows around the fire.
'So then you will stay...' He wanted her to agree aloud so that she couldn't say that he had forced her later.
'Yes, but please turn the lights on, you know I hate the dark. I can't even see your face properly.' She said as the unease set in again. She didn't want to be here, but her pride got the better of her.
'That's the point.' He said absentmindedly, as he unclipped her hair and submerged his face inside, for a millisecond before she jumped up at the gesture.
'What? What do you mean? And what are you doing? Shyam you know I don't like this, we're not married. Can you please turn the lights on.' She hugged herself tightly to stop herself from shaking so violently.
'Heyy sssh. It's ok, Khushi I'm not doing anything wrong.' He said soothingly as he advanced towards her, but this time she was ready. His voice had given away his position and she held out a hand to his chest keeping him at arms length, but that didn't last long.
'Shyam, no- She rebelled, but he didn't listen. Instead, in one fluid motion he grabbed her wrist and twirled her towards him, wrapping her whole body in his embrace. She wriggled in his enclosed arms wanting to leave. Moral code winning over pride, she petitioned to him to leave her so that she could go back to her room, she was sleepy. But he didn't listen.
'You can sleep here, its' a big bed.' He murmured, as he bit her ear lobe. She let out a moan. Then coming back to her senses, she wrestled again.
'Shyam let me go!' It was command this time. She shoved him, which loosened his grip somewhat, for he hadn't expected her capable of that much force. But he bounced back fast and had her wrapped in him within a moment of her escape.
'Shya-
'Sshh...listen.' He thought fast about how to justify his desires. How to get her to do his bidding? He knew if he managed to fool her long enough he would get his goal. 'Do you trust me?'
'Wha-...Yes...but-
'Then...shh...listen. I'm practicing this exercise in trust right now with us.'
'Hunh?' She stopped wrestling him and listened, wanting to know exactly how bodily contact was an experiment in trust building.
'Remember how when we were younger, we used to play that trust game, where you would fall and I would catch and vice versa...' She nodded. He grinned in the dark, he had caught her attention now. Now all he had to do was keep on talking and she would let him in. 'Well this is like that. But a grown-up version. Because we're grown-ups aren't, we Khushi?' She gave a stiff nod, unsure of where he was going with this explanation. 'My friend in Delhi told me about it. He said how it was important for every couple about to get married to have a go at it. It shows exactly how much trust they have between them. Don't you want to know how much trust exists between us as lovers...' She didn't respond intially. Then curiosity getting the better of her she nodded and asked hoarsely.
'What do we have to do?' She did want to know just how much he loved her.
't's simple really...' too simple...he really marveled at his intelligence and her innocence. 'We both undress and explore each other...the further one lets the other go the more they trust them...'
'What?! No Shyam...this doesn't sound right...we shouldn't- Crap! May be he shouldn't have mentioned the undressing part this soon...
'No it's ok, that's why we're in the dark Khushi, that's why its' ok...this way you can't see me and I can't see you, that's how we build trust right...'
'Yes, but-
'Come on...no buts Khushi. Don't you want to see how much I trust you...because I know I want to see how much you trust me...or may be you don't and they are just empty words you utter to me...' That got her. No one called her a liar. Pride quenching her alarm bells she stomped up to him and uttered defiantly, 'fine, let's do this. But only to prove to you that I trust you!' With that she let him take her without even realising what she had agreed to or how she had been right initially to want to flee and not trust his intentions. Once or twice she did stop him in between but he would just provoke her further or give her false promises about their future, thereby quenching her fears and getting what he had desired eversince she had come of age.
She clutched at her sides as the memory of that night replayed before her, for the hundredth time. How she wished she could go back and stop herself from committing such a horrible mistake. How she wished she could grab hold of her old, nave self and shake her, making her aware of the realities of the world and the lust of men. But she couldn't, she could only weep and continually hear what others' thought of her. As if her repenting didn't not matter. As if her own self-reprimands weren't harsh enough. As if her own heart-break wasn't punishment enough.
She sobbed and blubbered into the velvety carpet that lay on the suite floor. Repenting yet again for her sins. For what had happened in the Maha-Raja suite of Sheesh-Mahal and what happened downstairs in the lobby. Was Arnav right, had she become a characterless woman, who enjoyed making out with men in public areas? Was that really why he had kissed her, to prove to her that she was moraless? Was that why she had let him kiss her? No. She hadn't stopped him because his onslaught had shocked her senses completely, they were immobile otherwise she would have never allowed for it to have happened. Or would she have? She didn't know anymore. Was his description of her more accurate or was what she knew herself to be, true? Who could answer this question? Who could tell her whether she had let go of all her teachings or whether they were still the foundations of her character?
Wiping away her tears, she got up and ventured out into the night to find someone who maybe able to answer this question that now plagued her. Was she an easy person now after the one night with Shyam or did she still possess the moral fibre to stop a man, who wasn't her husband, in his advances'?
'Me?!!' He actually had the audacity to ask such a question after what he had just done?!! 'How dare you?!! Who do you think you are?! Nevermind, I don't care to hear your thoughts about yourself, rather what do you take me for?!! How dare you violate me in such a demeaning way?!! What do you have to say for yourself?!!'
'Oh please save me the melodrama! Why are you so upset you got exactly what you wished for? You had me exactly where you wanted and I actually fell for the trap you set, congratulations Khushi Kumari Gupta you managed to succeed in your plans, but enough is enough! I may have slipped once but not again, get lost!! You will get nothing more from me!' He iterated savagely.
She stared at him not comprehending. Then it clicked, how dare he? Turning it around all on her, just because she came here with him, oh she wasn't going to spare him. 'What rubbish?!! You think I wanted your onslaught, oh you are mistaken! You know I thought you capable of a lot of things, but to do this, to stoop this low and blame me, it's beneath even you! You're the one who likes me and advances on me and then turns around and tells me it was all me! It's dispecable...I never thought you to be a coward Arnav ji! Own up to your feelings and accept you're mistake, apologise and I may actually forgive your discrepancy...'
It was his turn to look at her incredulously. What?! She actually thought he liked her?! She was completely dillusional and messed up in the head to have such thoughts. 'What?!' He gave a harsh laugh, 'You think I like you...you're pathetic Khushi Kumari Gupta...so far from the real picture I don't like you Khushi, I despise you!'
'Really? Your act downstairs proves otherwise.' She spat sarcastically at him.
'No it proved exactly what I wanted to prove.' He said demeaningly.
'Oh yeah and what was that?'
'You're character, or rather lack there of.' He alleged.
'Characterless? Really that's rich, coming from a man who forces himself upon women!' She replied angrily, how dare he call her moraless, when it was he who clearly lacked them.
'I do no such thing! You forget Khushi Kumari Gupta I know exactly who you are!' He said threateningly.
'Really, so let's hear it once and for all, exactly who do you believe me to be, as it beats me!'
'Someone who is not worthy of my presence, let alone company!'
'Enough with the insinuations! If you have something to say to me then say it, don't hide behind your inuendos!'
'Fine. Your choice! You're a home-wrecker! That's who you are! Yes, I know all about you! I heard it from your own lips at the hospital. What? Nothing left to say? No more retorts Khushi Kumari Gupta?' He taunted seeing her shell-shocked face. He smirked. 'How could there be? As you can no longer defend yourself because I know. I know everything. How you seduced a married man, made him step out of his marriage, did everything to ensure he would not leave you, but he did, didn't he? He left you and rightly so. For he must have finally seen sense and realized what a foul creature you were and left. Gone back to his wife and family, leaving you all alone, as you should be. For home-wreckers deserves no happiness. They deserve to suffer and be alone.
'You deserved your hysterical pregnancy, for the crimes you exerted on that man's family. For not stopping to think even once how you were separating a loving wife from her husband; a wife who probably worshipped him. Kids who idealized him, you made him fall in front of all their eyes, destroyed them all and didn't think for once. So then how could you get happiness?!' He closed the gap between them and gripped her hard at the shoulders as asked her these questions, wanting to instigate maximum pain in her, for daring to do what his fathers' mistress had done.
'Who would have thought, hearing your name and seeing your face that your were capable of spreading such havoc. But in reality that's exactly what you do, don't you? You use this innocent looking countenance to satisfy your needs, not even realizing the destruction you leave in your wake! You disgust me! If it wasn't for your designing abilities and Nani's insistence on having a PG and that PG being you, I would have thrown you out a long time ago. But I can't, it is my misfortune that I have to keep you around in my life, but make no mistake that's all you are to me. A misfortune. Nothing more and will never be anything more, so you can kill any designs you have in regard to become Mrs Arnav Singh Raizada, for that will never happen as much as you may want it to. I see you exactly for who you are: a moraless, sinfull woman...a wh**e...a woman who sleeps around and disdains the bond of marriage to get money, power and status. Disgusting. You failed with your previous prey so you sought me out, you thought you could trap me right, make me your man, take the shortcut to society's upper-class. Well you thought wrong Khushi Kumari Gupta because I figured you out, your own acts blew your cover and revealed to me your true nature. Now you can't fool me. Because not only do I know who you are, I hate you. My skin crawls at the very sight of you!' He thundered, causing her to recoil from him.
'You sicken me Khushi Kumari Gupta! Sicken me!' With that he grabbed her arm and threw her out of his room. Then turned and slammed the door causing her to shake with the foundations that held the door.
She stood there for a long time. Deathly pale. Shivering. As his words echoed in her head. Taunting her. Labelling her. While his revolted visage was deeply scarred on her retina. It proved exactly what I wanted to prove... a woman who sleeps around and disdains the bond of marriage to get money, power and status ... a moraless, sinfull woman... you're character, or rather lack thereof... You're a home-wrecker!... foul creature... You disgust me... A misfortune......a wh**e... ...I despise you... My very skin crawls at the sight of you... You sicken me Khushi Kumari Gupta. Sicken me!
'No!!!' She shrieked in agony as she slumped to the suite floor, covering her ears and shutting her eyes, trying to get rid of his words and look. But she couldn't they were ingrained into her. So now she knew. What he and the world thought of her. They saw her as something foul that came out of the gutter. They didn't want to be near her, let alone be with her. And to think she had foolishly thought that he had loved her. That was stupid of her to actually think a man capable of that sentiment, she should have known by now that no man was capable of it. They only pretended: to get what they wanted out of a woman and then left her without even a backward glance. It was them who were the foul creatures but who would agree to that when they ran the society themselves. Hypocrites! First they ruined the woman and then called her a wh**e and blamed her for wrecking their lives. Not even thinking about how they had devestated hers'!
But alas why blame them when she was responsible for her own ruin. She should have listened to her intuition that had shouted at her the whole night to stop, but no she had foolishly ignored it and believed Shyam's words.
'I should get going...it's getting late. You must be sleepy too.' She said softly, whilst her body moved swiftly away from his advancing one.
'No...wait Khushi...don't go.' He grabbed her hand before she could stop him. 'It's been a whole month since I last saw you. Come on, stay. There's so much I want to tell you and hear from you.'
'You have heard everything from me already Shyam. I really should go. Jiji may come looking for me.' She said as her voice grew a little high in alarm, for he wouldn't let go of her arm, he had never done that before. Whenever, she had motioned for him to let go of her arm he had always abidded. But this time he tightened his grip instead of loosening it.
'Khushi stay, please...come on, after tommorrow our marriage preparations will start and then no one will let us meet, so this is technically our last night together as best friends, for the next time we meet we'll be husband and wife...so stay. I want to spend some quality time with my best friend.' He whispered dangerously close to her ear. She could feel his hot breath on the back of her neck and it send a frenzy down her spine. She didn't like the proximity.
'Shyam please...' She wrestled with his hand, trying to edge away from him.
'What's wrong Khushi...you're not afraid of me are you? You trust me don't you?' He egged her and it worked, for her head snapped back and she retorted point-blank.
'Of course I do. And why would I be afraid of you mister?! I believe it's you who claim to being frightened by me.' She jibed, not realising that she had fallen straight into his trap. He knew her well, the only way to get her to do something one wanted was to provoke her and he had done that, now she would not be leaving, just to prove that she wasn't afraid and did trust him. He smiled in the dark, he might just get what he wanted without having to wait another month or taking the vows around the fire.
'So then you will stay...' He wanted her to agree aloud so that she couldn't say that he had forced her later.
'Yes, but please turn the lights on, you know I hate the dark. I can't even see your face properly.' She said as the unease set in again. She didn't want to be here, but her pride got the better of her.
'That's the point.' He said absentmindedly, as he unclipped her hair and submerged his face inside, for a millisecond before she jumped up at the gesture.
'What? What do you mean? And what are you doing? Shyam you know I don't like this, we're not married. Can you please turn the lights on.' She hugged herself tightly to stop herself from shaking so violently.
'Heyy sssh. It's ok, Khushi I'm not doing anything wrong.' He said soothingly as he advanced towards her, but this time she was ready. His voice had given away his position and she held out a hand to his chest keeping him at arms length, but that didn't last long.
'Shyam, no- She rebelled, but he didn't listen. Instead, in one fluid motion he grabbed her wrist and twirled her towards him, wrapping her whole body in his embrace. She wriggled in his enclosed arms wanting to leave. Moral code winning over pride, she petitioned to him to leave her so that she could go back to her room, she was sleepy. But he didn't listen.
'You can sleep here, its' a big bed.' He murmured, as he bit her ear lobe. She let out a moan. Then coming back to her senses, she wrestled again.
'Shyam let me go!' It was command this time. She shoved him, which loosened his grip somewhat, for he hadn't expected her capable of that much force. But he bounced back fast and had her wrapped in him within a moment of her escape.
'Shya-
'Sshh...listen.' He thought fast about how to justify his desires. How to get her to do his bidding? He knew if he managed to fool her long enough he would get his goal. 'Do you trust me?'
'Wha-...Yes...but-
'Then...shh...listen. I'm practicing this exercise in trust right now with us.'
'Hunh?' She stopped wrestling him and listened, wanting to know exactly how bodily contact was an experiment in trust building.
'Remember how when we were younger, we used to play that trust game, where you would fall and I would catch and vice versa...' She nodded. He grinned in the dark, he had caught her attention now. Now all he had to do was keep on talking and she would let him in. 'Well this is like that. But a grown-up version. Because we're grown-ups aren't, we Khushi?' She gave a stiff nod, unsure of where he was going with this explanation. 'My friend in Delhi told me about it. He said how it was important for every couple about to get married to have a go at it. It shows exactly how much trust they have between them. Don't you want to know how much trust exists between us as lovers...' She didn't respond intially. Then curiosity getting the better of her she nodded and asked hoarsely.
'What do we have to do?' She did want to know just how much he loved her.
't's simple really...' too simple...he really marveled at his intelligence and her innocence. 'We both undress and explore each other...the further one lets the other go the more they trust them...'
'What?! No Shyam...this doesn't sound right...we shouldn't- Crap! May be he shouldn't have mentioned the undressing part this soon...
'No it's ok, that's why we're in the dark Khushi, that's why its' ok...this way you can't see me and I can't see you, that's how we build trust right...'
'Yes, but-
'Come on...no buts Khushi. Don't you want to see how much I trust you...because I know I want to see how much you trust me...or may be you don't and they are just empty words you utter to me...' That got her. No one called her a liar. Pride quenching her alarm bells she stomped up to him and uttered defiantly, 'fine, let's do this. But only to prove to you that I trust you!' With that she let him take her without even realising what she had agreed to or how she had been right initially to want to flee and not trust his intentions. Once or twice she did stop him in between but he would just provoke her further or give her false promises about their future, thereby quenching her fears and getting what he had desired eversince she had come of age.
She clutched at her sides as the memory of that night replayed before her, for the hundredth time. How she wished she could go back and stop herself from committing such a horrible mistake. How she wished she could grab hold of her old, nave self and shake her, making her aware of the realities of the world and the lust of men. But she couldn't, she could only weep and continually hear what others' thought of her. As if her repenting didn't not matter. As if her own self-reprimands weren't harsh enough. As if her own heart-break wasn't punishment enough.
She sobbed and blubbered into the velvety carpet that lay on the suite floor. Repenting yet again for her sins. For what had happened in the Maha-Raja suite of Sheesh-Mahal and what happened downstairs in the lobby. Was Arnav right, had she become a characterless woman, who enjoyed making out with men in public areas? Was that really why he had kissed her, to prove to her that she was moraless? Was that why she had let him kiss her? No. She hadn't stopped him because his onslaught had shocked her senses completely, they were immobile otherwise she would have never allowed for it to have happened. Or would she have? She didn't know anymore. Was his description of her more accurate or was what she knew herself to be, true? Who could answer this question? Who could tell her whether she had let go of all her teachings or whether they were still the foundations of her character?
Wiping away her tears, she got up and ventured out into the night to find someone who maybe able to answer this question that now plagued her. Was she an easy person now after the one night with Shyam or did she still possess the moral fibre to stop a man, who wasn't her husband, in his advances'?
*****
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