The next few days went by quickly as Khushi was busy in preparing for her Amma, Bua ji and Bauji's arrival, while at work the next season's fashion show preparations began, which would feature Khushi's line for the first time. Although the show was to be in a month's time there was a lot to be done. Thus she didn't even notice how the week had passed and the day for the Shashi, Garima, Madhumathi and Payals' arrival came. To avoid a scene at the station both Khushi and Aakash decided it would be best if she met them at home rather than receive them at the station. Thus she set off late in the afternoon, after Aakash had called her to let her know they were leaving the station, on the way to Payal and Aakash's home (where the family would be staying) she decided to take a quick detour and visit the clinic to ensure everything was ready for her Bauji who would be admitted into the centre the following day. It was there she learnt the truth behind her father's admittance bringing an end to her civil behavior towards Arnav which she had conducted over the past few days.
She had been walking over to Dr.Shetty's office, the doctor who would be taking on Shashi's case when the door to his office opened and out came Arnav and the good doctor himself conversing about her own father. The little snippet of conversation she caught was enough to tell her what he had done behind her back, causing anger to rise out of the shame he made her feel for not being able to afford such a credited place as this on her own terms.
'It was you! You made them accept my Bauji!' Khushi's voice made them start and he looked up to see her standing a few feet away from Dr.Shetty's office where he and the doctor were still standing. The smile that had been on his face for having gotten NHC to take her Bauji vanished as he found himself being made by her. This was the last thing he had wanted. He had come here to check on the arrangements today to avoid this very situation as he had expected Khushi to be at the station. What was she doing here?!!
'Uhh, Khushi listen, its' not what you-
'No you listen! What do you think of yourself, just because you're Arnav Singh Raizada you can do anything? Well may be you can, but not this, I won't let you do this. How dare you go behind my back and get a place for my Bauji here? I didn't ask you, so what made you think you could do this and why?'
'Khush-
'Miss Gupta! You should be thankful to this man he is paying the full fee for your father's treatment and instead you are getting angry with him!' Dr. Shetty cut in before Arnav could say anything. Khushi's mouth fell wide open on hearing he was paying for the treatment rather then Shashi being part of the project. She had assumed that he had gotten the institute to take him in their free health-care, the fact that he would be paying the full fee had not even crossed her mind.
Arnav cursed internally. Perfect, any chance of him managing to convince Khushi that he had nothing to do with her Bauji's treatment went down the drain with Dr.Shetty's proclamation. He could see her grow angrier by the minute. Her face showcased her feelings clearly.He could read her shock at finding out that he was financing the treatment and see it turn into rage.
'You're paying for my Bauji's treatment?!' she asked in a deathly low voice.
'Khushi, listen-
'Why?! Who is he to you? Why are you doing this? I didn't ask you to? I don't want you to! Then why? I thought I was a meaningless little thing to you then why the care all of a sudden?!'
'Shut up Khushi!' Arnav hissed, as he grabbed her arms and began walking her down the corridor, to not have an audience. But she was too angry, halfway down she jerked away his hand and turned to face him with a penetrating stare.
'Answer me!! Why are you doing this? Who am I to you? Who is my Bauji to you that you are willing to extend us this generosity? Or what, are we some form of charity to you? Your "feel-good" project: do a bit of charity to make you feel good about yourself!!'
'What?!! Khushi shut-up! You're really angry right now and have no idea what you're saying. Let's just go home. Stop making a scene here, ok?'
'NO!! I want to know now? Why are you doing this? When I mean nothing to you, then why do my problems matter to you?!!' she hollered at him.
'They don't!! Ok!!' Arnav bellowed back, now losing his cool too. 'You mean nothing to me, the only reason I'm doing this is because I can't afford to have you move to Lucknow. For LaANK. Irritating as you are, you're a gifted designer and so I'll do whatever it takes to keep you here!! Ok?!!'
'LaANK?!! You're paying my father's bill for LaANK's sake?' Khushi echoed in disbelief. What was this man? Was he capable of no human sentiment? It hurt that that's all she was to him, a useful asset, hence he was taking the pains to solve her problems. Was that how all men saw her, just a means to an end? Take whatever they wanted from her and then discard her.
Arnav cursed internally. He could see how those words hurt her. He had not meant to say that. He had not meant to say anything, for he had not wanted her to know about this. But she had found him out and then worse, cornered him: he hated being cornered. Thus he had said the first thing that made sense to cover up his actions, for he was not ready to discuss the reasons why he felt the need to help her. He hadn't had this conversation with himself truthfully so there was no way he would be having it with her.
'Look Khushi. Why does it matter, why I did this, all that matters is your dad will be getting the best of treatment that will nurse his heart back to health faster, right?' He suggested in a calmer voice.
She looked at him. The anger had now receeded, instead her eyes held pain. She walked away from him and sat down on a bench nearby. Arnav stood a few feet away from her awkwardly, unsure whether he should join her on the bench or whether he should just leave. What did her silence mean? Did she accept his help or was she going to fight it?
'No. I can't let you do this Arnav ji.' She said after a few moments.Fight, it would be. Well he hadn't become a business legend by letting people walk all over him. Khushi would just have to give her ascent, however long it took, for he didn't take no for an answer.
'Khushi-, he now joined her on the bench, as it was weird reasoning with her while he was standing and she was sitting with her head turned downwards. 'Khushi think about it-
'Arnav ji,' Khushi held up her hand silencing him, 'look I get it. You want me to stay in Delhi, because you need me to design, fine, I won't go. But I will not let you do this either. You will not be paying for my father. I will not allow you too. I will find another heart rehabilitation centre for him. Thank you, but I cannot accept this generosity.'
'Khushi-
'No think about it. I'm your employee right? That's why you're doing this. Well then it is unfair for the other workers. You don't show them such leniency than why me? It's partiality, which is not good for the work place. So I cannot allow you to pay for him. Now if they had taken him into the HcF project (health-care without fare) than I may have let it be. But as that is not the case, then I cannot ask you to do this. It is incorrect and against my principals, please try and understand that, if not anything else. I have a self-respect too and it does not allow me to let someone else pay for my father's treatment, when I am fully able to...'
Arnav just stared at her. He didn't know what he could say to that. He had never expected her to be telling him about principals and yet here she was in all earnestness. Talking about what was right and what wasn't. She had stumped him, yet again. He didn't understand her at all. Some times she seemed so immoral and other times the queen of morality. He was still immersed in his thoughts when she got up to leave. Without thinking he grabbed at her hand, this conversation was not over for him yet.
She stopped and turned instantly. The sudden warmth of his hand shocked her. She wouldn't have expected such a cold person to have such a warm touch. She stared at his hand that was enveloping hers' and then at him quizzically. What was the meaning of this?
He stared at her confused look and then followed her gaze to their hands that were still interlinked. Crap! He let go immediately. 'Uh..' he cleared his throat and then went on to say what he had intended to, 'I...I just wanted to say that...I get what you're saying about ethics and all. But Khushi, you're dad is here already, now how many days are you going to keep him without treatment whilst you sort out other arrangements. I mean if I'm not mistaken doesn't you're dad need to be admitted straight away so that the treatment can begin. So why not just admit him and let it be. And if it's work you're concerned about, well no one has to know there now do they?'
'It's not about who knows and who doesn't, my conscious won't allow it!'
'Ugh! Your conscious!! Khushi, a question: what do you care about more, you're father's health or you're deluded ego?' he asked in exasperation.
Khushi opened her mouth to rebuke, but shut it again. How was she to reply to that question? Of course she cared more about her father. But if she said that then he would win and pay for her father's treatment and she could not allow that. He was the last person she wished to owe anything too. But it wasn't just that, it wasn't just because she didn't wish to be indebted to him, it was the fact that it was against her principals to accept financial help from anyone, reluctantly she had agreed to let Aakash chip in for the treatment before. But if she didn't agree to it then it could be a long while before another centre took Shashi in so what was she to do.Annoyingly, it did come down to the question he had asked: what mattered more, her pride or her Bauji's need...
'Fine.' She conceded. Arnav smiled, he never lost a battle. 'But, you will not pay.' He stared at her incredulously, 'I have a propostion.' She elaborated. 'As the sooner Bauji's treatment starts the better, he will join the centre tomorrow as planned and as you have paid the first three months it shouldn't be an issue. However, this fee you have paid will be a loan, as in you will be cutting a percentage from my salary from this month on wards to pay back all that you have paid. Agreed.'
'Khushi you can't be serious.' Arnav exclaimed, only she was as her face was completely obstinate. 'Khushi do you have any idea-, he stopped himself. He had been about to reveal to her just how much he had paid and that it would be years before she managed to pay it back, but stopped as he realized that may make her change her mind. 'You're really adamant on paying for this treatment aren't you?'
'Yes. And the only way my heart will be at peace is if it knows that ultimately I would have paid for it, so that is the only way I will agree for NHC. Do you agree?'
'Fine.' He said shortly, no longer in the mood to argue. All that mattered to him was that she stayed here, how it happened he didn't care. If she wished to pay him back then he would let her think she was. 'Now can we go home?' he asked sardonically.
'No, I-
'Khushi, for crying out loud we live on the same address, I'm going home, can you not come too without complaining. You don't seem to mind when NK drops you, even though he drives out of his way to drop you at Shantivan. So why can't you come with me for once!' he berated at a shocked Khushi. 'You know what, forget it, if you don't want to then fine. Whatever!' He exhaled and starting walking towards the exit, leaving Khushi staring flabberghastedly after him.
'Hey...wait.' She jogged up behind him. 'I said stop!! Arnav ji, slluh, ouch!!' That got him to turn and head back in her direction. She was bending over her foot when he approached her.
'Khushi? What is it, are you ok?' he asked concerned.
She jolted her head up at hearing his voice so near her. 'Ouch!!' the both exclaimed as the top of her head collided with his chin. 'Arrghh. Arnav ji, what are you standing over my head for? Who does that?!!' she cried, as she massaged her head.
'You were bent over, so I was trying to see what happened. You yelped! Are you hurt?' He asked annoyedly, while he rubbed his chin.
'Hmpf.' Khushi exhaled.
'Well? What happened? Why did you scream?'
'Hunh? Oh that, my mojri came off as I was running behind you.' She explained, as she pointed to her slipper which was on the floor. She had been about to put it on when he had surprised her. Arnav stared at the slipper and then at her, then let out a laugh.
'How come all the weirdest things happen to you Khushi?'
'It's not that weird. Anybody's sandal can come off while running.' She said defensively.
'Really, how many people have you known to have had this happen to them?'
'I...well just because I don't doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Ok? Now hold still!' she ordered him. He did just that, more due to being stunned by her sudden command than authority of the demand. She placed a hand on his shoulder for support as she placed her mojri back on her foot. That done she looked up at him, only to find him staring at something to his right. She followed his gaze to find her hand still gripping his shoulder tightly. She let go at once. 'Umm...' She deliberated, trying to find a way out of the awkward moment, 'Oh yes! I was calling to you when my mojri slipped off, to tell you that I said no to coming with you, because I'm not headed home. I'm on my way to Jiji's. My parents should be there by now. And I figured you wouldn't be interested in playing my chauffeur that's why...And as for letting Nanhe Ji drive me home, well I never realized it was out of his way, he always said it was on his way home so...'
'Oh.' Arnav replied. Feeling like an idiot now, for getting all worked up about her declining his offer. 'Umm, well see you at home later...or will you be staying at your Jiji's?' he asked as an afterthought.
'No. I'll be home.' That brought a smile to his lips. She would come home. Silently, they both proceeded to the parking lot, where they split, he went towards his car while she went to flag a taxi-cab. He didn't leave until he saw her get seated into one and leave.
____
When he came home he found himself facing a distraught Anjali.
'DI!!! DI WHAT HAPPENED?!! NANI?!! DI...SShhh tell me what is it? What happened, Di? Please, please don't cry like this what is it Di? Please tell me.' Arnav begged her anxiously.
'Chotay...Chotay...he's gone Chotay...he's gone.' She blubbered.
'Who Di? Di Please...calm yourself...'
'Here bitya have some water.' Nani came into the lounge carrying water.
'Nani, what is it? What happened?' Arnav now turned to ask Devyani, as Anjali continued to sob incoherently in his arms.
'Oh...Chotay...it's Chetan...he...he passed away in an accident this morning.' She related, hesitantly for she knew Arnav held an even stronger dislike towards that man then she did. 'It was just on the news...he was pulled out of a car wreck and his picture was flashing, as he was quite a big doctor...ever since bitya heard she has been a wreck.' Nani said sadly. She, like Arnav didn't understand how she could still feel something for the man, after all he had done.
Arnav had gone stiff after hearing who Anjali was mourning, but now tried to calm himself to be there for his sister. 'Hey sshhh Di. Ssshhh. Its' going to be ok. Shhh.' With that he rocked her back and forth until her hysterics finally dissipated, which meant that she had cried herself to sleep. When she was quiet he lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to her room and lay her down on her bed. He sat down next to her and smoothed out her hair, knowing that when she awoke she would want him by his side. Devyani too, followed him in and sat down on the other side of her grand-daughter. They both exchanged a glance that held great misery and fury init. (Misery for Anjali's sake and fury at Chetan who was still managing to trouble her after so long.)
Arnav couldn't believe after everything he had done, Anjali was still crying over him. After how he had selfishly left her for someone much younger, after he had broken her heart, she still grieved over him. In his opinion he was dead the day he left Anjali and so couldn't careless after that point onwards what happened to him. But Anjali cared. Why damnit?!! After such a long time he had finally seen her starting to become herself again. Teasing him, fussing over him and going about her social work. Things that she had stopped doing after he had left her. And now, in one swift moment he had taken all that away again. In one reckless moment he had drained all the colour from her life again. Well what more could be expected of the man, he had been reckless then when he had divorced her and again now behind the wheel, hence drove it straight into a pole.
'Mmm...Chotay?' Anjali stirred after an hour.
'Yes Di, I'm right over here.' He said coming back to the bed. He had gotten up to stretch his legs and Nani had taken charge over caressing her hair. He took her hand into his to let her know that he was right next to her. She held it in hers' for a moment and then let go of it as she broke into a hug. Crying again, although not as wildly as before.
'I'm so-orry...sooo sorrry. I've worried you so much haven't I? I'm sorry.' She wept in his shoulder.
'Sshhh, Di. Its' ok.' Arnav said as he rubbed her back.
'Sshhh Anjali bitya...ssshhh' Devyani cooed as she patted her hair. Finally, Anjali came out of the embrace and wiped her tears.
'I'm sorry, for getting so worked up. I know you both must be so tensed.'
'Its' ok Di. We understand.'
'No. No you don't. I know you don't, I can see it in your eyes, you're only saying it to console me. But its' ok.' she smiled. 'I'm ok now. I just...when I heard...its' not something one expects, when they turn on the TV to see their husband...ex-husband being pulled out of- her voice cracked as she recalled the image.
'Sshh Di. You don't have to say it. And yes, I don't understand. But right now that doesn't matter, what matters, is you. How are you feeling?'
'Hmm...well I have a nasty headache...from all the crying...' she gave a weak smile at the feeble joke she cracked.
Arnav's eyes lit up at that and he gave smile too. Well at least she seemed much better then the last time. For a moment there he had thought it would be back to the way it had been about nine months ago when Chetan had left her with the divorce papers. She had become a ghost then, not talking to anyone; only staying in her room staring blankly at the wall. But seeing her attempt at a joke he saw that this wouldn't be the case this time. The news of his death had unhinged her but she was ok now, or would be in a day or two.
'Here Anjali bitya have something to eat and then have a panadol for your headache.' Nani came in with a plate of food. Arnav had not even realized when she had left, but that was Nani when it came to providing her loved ones with comfort, she was always very stealthy about it. Arnav himself fed Anajli, during which he talked about everything but Chetan keeping her mind off him. Once she was done Nani brought her some water and the small white tablet. With that they both tucked her in and got up to leave, when Anjali called Arnav to stay back with her for a little while longer.
She had been resting silently in his lap for sometime, when she finally broke the silence. 'You're angry aren't you? At him. Please don't be Chotay. He's...he's dead now, just let it go.'
'Di.' Arnav started tersely, as he was in no intention of forgiving that man, but then checked himself, 'Di, let's not talk about this, you've had a long day, just rest.'
'Its' ok. Chotay. I'm not going to get upset. I told you, earlier it was just the shock, I'm ok now. And I want you to be ok too, just forget him.'
'I can't Di. Please don't ask me to.'
'Hmmm...'Anjali wanted to refute but decided against it, knowing that her words would only aggravate him more. And she understood why, he was just too protective of her, just the way she was of him, only she showed it through concern and he, through his anger.
'Di, why...never mind.' He began asking her how she could still cry over that man or how she could expect him to forgive and forget but decided against it.
'Why was I crying?' She asked it for him. He merely nodded.
'Hmmm...Its' hard to explain. I mean don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten what he did to me, how he left me. The fact that he did not love me. I haven't. But the thing is Chotay, just because he didn't love me doesn't mean that I don't love him. I do. I mean, I'm no longer in love with him, but when you love someone Chotay, its' not for a day, a month or a year, its' forever. They'll always matter to you, no matter what happens, a part of you will always love them, regardless of who they are, what they have done, or how they may have hurt you. One can never stop loving. How can you, they become a part of you and its' not wrong to love them regardless of what they may have done, because its' never wrong to love. Yes, if they're the wrong person then you learn to live without them but you never stop loving them. Because love is unconditional. Once someone comes into your heart they never leave, oh you can think and believe as much as you want that they are gone or that you hate them but truth of the matter is that they're still there and every now and then through something or the other they will make you aware of that knowledge.
'Like today, I mean I had thought I was over Chetan ji, but seeing that footage of him being pulled out of his car and then his photo flashing on the screen telling the world who that mangled body belonged to, it just sent me reeling. Because there is one thing him not being with me, but a completely other thing knowing that he is no longer in this world. That I may never cross paths with him ever again; that fact just gnaws at you Chotay. I'm mean up until yesterday I wasn't seeing him by choice, both his and mine but from today on wards even if I wanted to I won't be able to and that realization just stung Chotay. It's just a maddening feeling, to know that you will never be able to see this person ever again or share a moment with them. All of that just gripped me today about Chetan ji. I mean yes, he was horrible about the way he left me, but before that, we shared many beautiful moments and just the thought of him no longer being in this world, someone who I had shared a good three years of my life with, it hurt. I mean you must be able to understand a bit of that right, the feeling of not being able to see someone you love ever again, the thought of never being able to talk to them, share a laugh with them. I mean, I know you're still hungover Lavanya, I still cry over her too sometimes.'
'Lavanya?!' Arnav started. She had not even entered his mind when Anjali mentioned him losing someone he cared for. The only person who had popped into his mind was Khushi and how he had felt when the explosion had gone off, crumbling half of Khawab-Mehal before his eyes. Lavanya had not once entered his mind. But of course, who else could Anjali have been talking about she was the one he had lost, the one he claimed to love. But did he? His thoughts and her last words were now suggesting otherwise.
'Yes Lavanya. I know you don't talk about it, but every so often I see you Chotay, lost in some deep thought and I know you must be thinking about her. It must be very hard, especially when you go over to LaANK, being there without her.'
'Uh...yeah Di.' He didn't know what else to say. For what she said was true or had been, it had been hard going to LaANK and going through life without her, but recently, all that had changed. Someone else had occupied his thoughts lately and it was she he would go to LaANK for, not Lavanya, not anymore. When had that happened? When had Khushi come to reign over his mind? And what did that mean, she parading in his thoughts more than Lavanya did or ever had done?
'Chotay? You ok?'
'Hunh. Oh yeah, Di. Fine.' Arnav said, still a little lost in his thoughts. 'Umm, Di, if its' ok with you I think I'm going to retire for the night.'
'Sure. Chotay. Good night.' Anjali said instantly releasing him from her hold, thinking that her mentioning of Lavanya had triggered something inside of him, which it had, only she was far from guessing what exactly it was.
'Night Di.' With that Arnav went off to his own room. After having brushed and changed, he sat down at his laptop to check for any mails before he turned in for the night. But he hadn't sat even two minutes at his laptop when Anjali's words about losing someone one cared for came back into his mind. He had tried to push it out of his mind but the words wouldn't go. It annoyed him, why wouldn't they stop plaguing him, but he knew the answer to that too. It was because she hadn't just talked about someone one he cared about, no, she had not used that word at all. She had used the word, love. When the thought of losing someone you loved gripped you, how that completely broke you.
Why had he thought of Khushi at that moment? Why not Lavanya? Why had all the moments when he had been uncertain about her whereabouts or well-being come to mind when Anjali had mentioned those words? Why? Why damnit?! Did it mean that he...No. Then, why?!!
Why are you doing this? Who am I to you? Why do my problems matter to you? Khushi's questions at the hospital echoed in his mind. He had evaded them there but how was he going to avoid them now, when his own conscious was asking him. Why did Khushi bring out such emotional reactions from him? Why did her problems matter so much to him? Why did the very thought of her leaving him leave him so restless? Why did her smile and whisper of I'll be home mean so much to him? Why? Why did she matter so much?
...when you love someone Chotay, they'll always matter to you...regardless of who they are...they become a part of you and its' not wrong to love them regardless of what they may have done, because its' never wrong to love...once someone comes into your heart they never leave, oh you can think and believe as much as you want that they are gone or that you hate them but truth of the matter is that they're still there and every now and then through something or the other they will make you aware of that knowledge...
And there was his answer: in Anjali's words. The one he had been running away from, hiding from, denying. But he could no longer do that. It was high time he admitted to himself what had happened. What Khushi had done: she had taken his heart. Try as he might, to have barricaded it, she had waltzed right through and made a place for herself inside it. He had tried to be indifferent to her. Tried to hate her. But he could not. Anjali was right, he could believe all he wanted that she wasn't there, that he hated her but the truth would remain, whether he admitted it or not, that he...he...loved her. He loved her. Despite her faults, her mistakes, her gross insensibility of what was right and wrong, he had fallen for her. It didn't matter what she had done, he didn't care, all he knew was that he was in love with her. Arnav Singh Raizada had fallen in love with Khushi Kumari Gupta.
She had been walking over to Dr.Shetty's office, the doctor who would be taking on Shashi's case when the door to his office opened and out came Arnav and the good doctor himself conversing about her own father. The little snippet of conversation she caught was enough to tell her what he had done behind her back, causing anger to rise out of the shame he made her feel for not being able to afford such a credited place as this on her own terms.
'It was you! You made them accept my Bauji!' Khushi's voice made them start and he looked up to see her standing a few feet away from Dr.Shetty's office where he and the doctor were still standing. The smile that had been on his face for having gotten NHC to take her Bauji vanished as he found himself being made by her. This was the last thing he had wanted. He had come here to check on the arrangements today to avoid this very situation as he had expected Khushi to be at the station. What was she doing here?!!
'Uhh, Khushi listen, its' not what you-
'No you listen! What do you think of yourself, just because you're Arnav Singh Raizada you can do anything? Well may be you can, but not this, I won't let you do this. How dare you go behind my back and get a place for my Bauji here? I didn't ask you, so what made you think you could do this and why?'
'Khush-
'Miss Gupta! You should be thankful to this man he is paying the full fee for your father's treatment and instead you are getting angry with him!' Dr. Shetty cut in before Arnav could say anything. Khushi's mouth fell wide open on hearing he was paying for the treatment rather then Shashi being part of the project. She had assumed that he had gotten the institute to take him in their free health-care, the fact that he would be paying the full fee had not even crossed her mind.
Arnav cursed internally. Perfect, any chance of him managing to convince Khushi that he had nothing to do with her Bauji's treatment went down the drain with Dr.Shetty's proclamation. He could see her grow angrier by the minute. Her face showcased her feelings clearly.He could read her shock at finding out that he was financing the treatment and see it turn into rage.
'You're paying for my Bauji's treatment?!' she asked in a deathly low voice.
'Khushi, listen-
'Why?! Who is he to you? Why are you doing this? I didn't ask you to? I don't want you to! Then why? I thought I was a meaningless little thing to you then why the care all of a sudden?!'
'Shut up Khushi!' Arnav hissed, as he grabbed her arms and began walking her down the corridor, to not have an audience. But she was too angry, halfway down she jerked away his hand and turned to face him with a penetrating stare.
'Answer me!! Why are you doing this? Who am I to you? Who is my Bauji to you that you are willing to extend us this generosity? Or what, are we some form of charity to you? Your "feel-good" project: do a bit of charity to make you feel good about yourself!!'
'What?!! Khushi shut-up! You're really angry right now and have no idea what you're saying. Let's just go home. Stop making a scene here, ok?'
'NO!! I want to know now? Why are you doing this? When I mean nothing to you, then why do my problems matter to you?!!' she hollered at him.
'They don't!! Ok!!' Arnav bellowed back, now losing his cool too. 'You mean nothing to me, the only reason I'm doing this is because I can't afford to have you move to Lucknow. For LaANK. Irritating as you are, you're a gifted designer and so I'll do whatever it takes to keep you here!! Ok?!!'
'LaANK?!! You're paying my father's bill for LaANK's sake?' Khushi echoed in disbelief. What was this man? Was he capable of no human sentiment? It hurt that that's all she was to him, a useful asset, hence he was taking the pains to solve her problems. Was that how all men saw her, just a means to an end? Take whatever they wanted from her and then discard her.
Arnav cursed internally. He could see how those words hurt her. He had not meant to say that. He had not meant to say anything, for he had not wanted her to know about this. But she had found him out and then worse, cornered him: he hated being cornered. Thus he had said the first thing that made sense to cover up his actions, for he was not ready to discuss the reasons why he felt the need to help her. He hadn't had this conversation with himself truthfully so there was no way he would be having it with her.
'Look Khushi. Why does it matter, why I did this, all that matters is your dad will be getting the best of treatment that will nurse his heart back to health faster, right?' He suggested in a calmer voice.
She looked at him. The anger had now receeded, instead her eyes held pain. She walked away from him and sat down on a bench nearby. Arnav stood a few feet away from her awkwardly, unsure whether he should join her on the bench or whether he should just leave. What did her silence mean? Did she accept his help or was she going to fight it?
'No. I can't let you do this Arnav ji.' She said after a few moments.Fight, it would be. Well he hadn't become a business legend by letting people walk all over him. Khushi would just have to give her ascent, however long it took, for he didn't take no for an answer.
'Khushi-, he now joined her on the bench, as it was weird reasoning with her while he was standing and she was sitting with her head turned downwards. 'Khushi think about it-
'Arnav ji,' Khushi held up her hand silencing him, 'look I get it. You want me to stay in Delhi, because you need me to design, fine, I won't go. But I will not let you do this either. You will not be paying for my father. I will not allow you too. I will find another heart rehabilitation centre for him. Thank you, but I cannot accept this generosity.'
'Khushi-
'No think about it. I'm your employee right? That's why you're doing this. Well then it is unfair for the other workers. You don't show them such leniency than why me? It's partiality, which is not good for the work place. So I cannot allow you to pay for him. Now if they had taken him into the HcF project (health-care without fare) than I may have let it be. But as that is not the case, then I cannot ask you to do this. It is incorrect and against my principals, please try and understand that, if not anything else. I have a self-respect too and it does not allow me to let someone else pay for my father's treatment, when I am fully able to...'
Arnav just stared at her. He didn't know what he could say to that. He had never expected her to be telling him about principals and yet here she was in all earnestness. Talking about what was right and what wasn't. She had stumped him, yet again. He didn't understand her at all. Some times she seemed so immoral and other times the queen of morality. He was still immersed in his thoughts when she got up to leave. Without thinking he grabbed at her hand, this conversation was not over for him yet.
She stopped and turned instantly. The sudden warmth of his hand shocked her. She wouldn't have expected such a cold person to have such a warm touch. She stared at his hand that was enveloping hers' and then at him quizzically. What was the meaning of this?
He stared at her confused look and then followed her gaze to their hands that were still interlinked. Crap! He let go immediately. 'Uh..' he cleared his throat and then went on to say what he had intended to, 'I...I just wanted to say that...I get what you're saying about ethics and all. But Khushi, you're dad is here already, now how many days are you going to keep him without treatment whilst you sort out other arrangements. I mean if I'm not mistaken doesn't you're dad need to be admitted straight away so that the treatment can begin. So why not just admit him and let it be. And if it's work you're concerned about, well no one has to know there now do they?'
'It's not about who knows and who doesn't, my conscious won't allow it!'
'Ugh! Your conscious!! Khushi, a question: what do you care about more, you're father's health or you're deluded ego?' he asked in exasperation.
Khushi opened her mouth to rebuke, but shut it again. How was she to reply to that question? Of course she cared more about her father. But if she said that then he would win and pay for her father's treatment and she could not allow that. He was the last person she wished to owe anything too. But it wasn't just that, it wasn't just because she didn't wish to be indebted to him, it was the fact that it was against her principals to accept financial help from anyone, reluctantly she had agreed to let Aakash chip in for the treatment before. But if she didn't agree to it then it could be a long while before another centre took Shashi in so what was she to do.Annoyingly, it did come down to the question he had asked: what mattered more, her pride or her Bauji's need...
'Fine.' She conceded. Arnav smiled, he never lost a battle. 'But, you will not pay.' He stared at her incredulously, 'I have a propostion.' She elaborated. 'As the sooner Bauji's treatment starts the better, he will join the centre tomorrow as planned and as you have paid the first three months it shouldn't be an issue. However, this fee you have paid will be a loan, as in you will be cutting a percentage from my salary from this month on wards to pay back all that you have paid. Agreed.'
'Khushi you can't be serious.' Arnav exclaimed, only she was as her face was completely obstinate. 'Khushi do you have any idea-, he stopped himself. He had been about to reveal to her just how much he had paid and that it would be years before she managed to pay it back, but stopped as he realized that may make her change her mind. 'You're really adamant on paying for this treatment aren't you?'
'Yes. And the only way my heart will be at peace is if it knows that ultimately I would have paid for it, so that is the only way I will agree for NHC. Do you agree?'
'Fine.' He said shortly, no longer in the mood to argue. All that mattered to him was that she stayed here, how it happened he didn't care. If she wished to pay him back then he would let her think she was. 'Now can we go home?' he asked sardonically.
'No, I-
'Khushi, for crying out loud we live on the same address, I'm going home, can you not come too without complaining. You don't seem to mind when NK drops you, even though he drives out of his way to drop you at Shantivan. So why can't you come with me for once!' he berated at a shocked Khushi. 'You know what, forget it, if you don't want to then fine. Whatever!' He exhaled and starting walking towards the exit, leaving Khushi staring flabberghastedly after him.
'Hey...wait.' She jogged up behind him. 'I said stop!! Arnav ji, slluh, ouch!!' That got him to turn and head back in her direction. She was bending over her foot when he approached her.
'Khushi? What is it, are you ok?' he asked concerned.
She jolted her head up at hearing his voice so near her. 'Ouch!!' the both exclaimed as the top of her head collided with his chin. 'Arrghh. Arnav ji, what are you standing over my head for? Who does that?!!' she cried, as she massaged her head.
'You were bent over, so I was trying to see what happened. You yelped! Are you hurt?' He asked annoyedly, while he rubbed his chin.
'Hmpf.' Khushi exhaled.
'Well? What happened? Why did you scream?'
'Hunh? Oh that, my mojri came off as I was running behind you.' She explained, as she pointed to her slipper which was on the floor. She had been about to put it on when he had surprised her. Arnav stared at the slipper and then at her, then let out a laugh.
'How come all the weirdest things happen to you Khushi?'
'It's not that weird. Anybody's sandal can come off while running.' She said defensively.
'Really, how many people have you known to have had this happen to them?'
'I...well just because I don't doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Ok? Now hold still!' she ordered him. He did just that, more due to being stunned by her sudden command than authority of the demand. She placed a hand on his shoulder for support as she placed her mojri back on her foot. That done she looked up at him, only to find him staring at something to his right. She followed his gaze to find her hand still gripping his shoulder tightly. She let go at once. 'Umm...' She deliberated, trying to find a way out of the awkward moment, 'Oh yes! I was calling to you when my mojri slipped off, to tell you that I said no to coming with you, because I'm not headed home. I'm on my way to Jiji's. My parents should be there by now. And I figured you wouldn't be interested in playing my chauffeur that's why...And as for letting Nanhe Ji drive me home, well I never realized it was out of his way, he always said it was on his way home so...'
'Oh.' Arnav replied. Feeling like an idiot now, for getting all worked up about her declining his offer. 'Umm, well see you at home later...or will you be staying at your Jiji's?' he asked as an afterthought.
'No. I'll be home.' That brought a smile to his lips. She would come home. Silently, they both proceeded to the parking lot, where they split, he went towards his car while she went to flag a taxi-cab. He didn't leave until he saw her get seated into one and leave.
____
When he came home he found himself facing a distraught Anjali.
'DI!!! DI WHAT HAPPENED?!! NANI?!! DI...SShhh tell me what is it? What happened, Di? Please, please don't cry like this what is it Di? Please tell me.' Arnav begged her anxiously.
'Chotay...Chotay...he's gone Chotay...he's gone.' She blubbered.
'Who Di? Di Please...calm yourself...'
'Here bitya have some water.' Nani came into the lounge carrying water.
'Nani, what is it? What happened?' Arnav now turned to ask Devyani, as Anjali continued to sob incoherently in his arms.
'Oh...Chotay...it's Chetan...he...he passed away in an accident this morning.' She related, hesitantly for she knew Arnav held an even stronger dislike towards that man then she did. 'It was just on the news...he was pulled out of a car wreck and his picture was flashing, as he was quite a big doctor...ever since bitya heard she has been a wreck.' Nani said sadly. She, like Arnav didn't understand how she could still feel something for the man, after all he had done.
Arnav had gone stiff after hearing who Anjali was mourning, but now tried to calm himself to be there for his sister. 'Hey sshhh Di. Ssshhh. Its' going to be ok. Shhh.' With that he rocked her back and forth until her hysterics finally dissipated, which meant that she had cried herself to sleep. When she was quiet he lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to her room and lay her down on her bed. He sat down next to her and smoothed out her hair, knowing that when she awoke she would want him by his side. Devyani too, followed him in and sat down on the other side of her grand-daughter. They both exchanged a glance that held great misery and fury init. (Misery for Anjali's sake and fury at Chetan who was still managing to trouble her after so long.)
Arnav couldn't believe after everything he had done, Anjali was still crying over him. After how he had selfishly left her for someone much younger, after he had broken her heart, she still grieved over him. In his opinion he was dead the day he left Anjali and so couldn't careless after that point onwards what happened to him. But Anjali cared. Why damnit?!! After such a long time he had finally seen her starting to become herself again. Teasing him, fussing over him and going about her social work. Things that she had stopped doing after he had left her. And now, in one swift moment he had taken all that away again. In one reckless moment he had drained all the colour from her life again. Well what more could be expected of the man, he had been reckless then when he had divorced her and again now behind the wheel, hence drove it straight into a pole.
'Mmm...Chotay?' Anjali stirred after an hour.
'Yes Di, I'm right over here.' He said coming back to the bed. He had gotten up to stretch his legs and Nani had taken charge over caressing her hair. He took her hand into his to let her know that he was right next to her. She held it in hers' for a moment and then let go of it as she broke into a hug. Crying again, although not as wildly as before.
'I'm so-orry...sooo sorrry. I've worried you so much haven't I? I'm sorry.' She wept in his shoulder.
'Sshhh, Di. Its' ok.' Arnav said as he rubbed her back.
'Sshhh Anjali bitya...ssshhh' Devyani cooed as she patted her hair. Finally, Anjali came out of the embrace and wiped her tears.
'I'm sorry, for getting so worked up. I know you both must be so tensed.'
'Its' ok Di. We understand.'
'No. No you don't. I know you don't, I can see it in your eyes, you're only saying it to console me. But its' ok.' she smiled. 'I'm ok now. I just...when I heard...its' not something one expects, when they turn on the TV to see their husband...ex-husband being pulled out of- her voice cracked as she recalled the image.
'Sshh Di. You don't have to say it. And yes, I don't understand. But right now that doesn't matter, what matters, is you. How are you feeling?'
'Hmm...well I have a nasty headache...from all the crying...' she gave a weak smile at the feeble joke she cracked.
Arnav's eyes lit up at that and he gave smile too. Well at least she seemed much better then the last time. For a moment there he had thought it would be back to the way it had been about nine months ago when Chetan had left her with the divorce papers. She had become a ghost then, not talking to anyone; only staying in her room staring blankly at the wall. But seeing her attempt at a joke he saw that this wouldn't be the case this time. The news of his death had unhinged her but she was ok now, or would be in a day or two.
'Here Anjali bitya have something to eat and then have a panadol for your headache.' Nani came in with a plate of food. Arnav had not even realized when she had left, but that was Nani when it came to providing her loved ones with comfort, she was always very stealthy about it. Arnav himself fed Anajli, during which he talked about everything but Chetan keeping her mind off him. Once she was done Nani brought her some water and the small white tablet. With that they both tucked her in and got up to leave, when Anjali called Arnav to stay back with her for a little while longer.
She had been resting silently in his lap for sometime, when she finally broke the silence. 'You're angry aren't you? At him. Please don't be Chotay. He's...he's dead now, just let it go.'
'Di.' Arnav started tersely, as he was in no intention of forgiving that man, but then checked himself, 'Di, let's not talk about this, you've had a long day, just rest.'
'Its' ok. Chotay. I'm not going to get upset. I told you, earlier it was just the shock, I'm ok now. And I want you to be ok too, just forget him.'
'I can't Di. Please don't ask me to.'
'Hmmm...'Anjali wanted to refute but decided against it, knowing that her words would only aggravate him more. And she understood why, he was just too protective of her, just the way she was of him, only she showed it through concern and he, through his anger.
'Di, why...never mind.' He began asking her how she could still cry over that man or how she could expect him to forgive and forget but decided against it.
'Why was I crying?' She asked it for him. He merely nodded.
'Hmmm...Its' hard to explain. I mean don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten what he did to me, how he left me. The fact that he did not love me. I haven't. But the thing is Chotay, just because he didn't love me doesn't mean that I don't love him. I do. I mean, I'm no longer in love with him, but when you love someone Chotay, its' not for a day, a month or a year, its' forever. They'll always matter to you, no matter what happens, a part of you will always love them, regardless of who they are, what they have done, or how they may have hurt you. One can never stop loving. How can you, they become a part of you and its' not wrong to love them regardless of what they may have done, because its' never wrong to love. Yes, if they're the wrong person then you learn to live without them but you never stop loving them. Because love is unconditional. Once someone comes into your heart they never leave, oh you can think and believe as much as you want that they are gone or that you hate them but truth of the matter is that they're still there and every now and then through something or the other they will make you aware of that knowledge.
'Like today, I mean I had thought I was over Chetan ji, but seeing that footage of him being pulled out of his car and then his photo flashing on the screen telling the world who that mangled body belonged to, it just sent me reeling. Because there is one thing him not being with me, but a completely other thing knowing that he is no longer in this world. That I may never cross paths with him ever again; that fact just gnaws at you Chotay. I'm mean up until yesterday I wasn't seeing him by choice, both his and mine but from today on wards even if I wanted to I won't be able to and that realization just stung Chotay. It's just a maddening feeling, to know that you will never be able to see this person ever again or share a moment with them. All of that just gripped me today about Chetan ji. I mean yes, he was horrible about the way he left me, but before that, we shared many beautiful moments and just the thought of him no longer being in this world, someone who I had shared a good three years of my life with, it hurt. I mean you must be able to understand a bit of that right, the feeling of not being able to see someone you love ever again, the thought of never being able to talk to them, share a laugh with them. I mean, I know you're still hungover Lavanya, I still cry over her too sometimes.'
'Lavanya?!' Arnav started. She had not even entered his mind when Anjali mentioned him losing someone he cared for. The only person who had popped into his mind was Khushi and how he had felt when the explosion had gone off, crumbling half of Khawab-Mehal before his eyes. Lavanya had not once entered his mind. But of course, who else could Anjali have been talking about she was the one he had lost, the one he claimed to love. But did he? His thoughts and her last words were now suggesting otherwise.
'Yes Lavanya. I know you don't talk about it, but every so often I see you Chotay, lost in some deep thought and I know you must be thinking about her. It must be very hard, especially when you go over to LaANK, being there without her.'
'Uh...yeah Di.' He didn't know what else to say. For what she said was true or had been, it had been hard going to LaANK and going through life without her, but recently, all that had changed. Someone else had occupied his thoughts lately and it was she he would go to LaANK for, not Lavanya, not anymore. When had that happened? When had Khushi come to reign over his mind? And what did that mean, she parading in his thoughts more than Lavanya did or ever had done?
'Chotay? You ok?'
'Hunh. Oh yeah, Di. Fine.' Arnav said, still a little lost in his thoughts. 'Umm, Di, if its' ok with you I think I'm going to retire for the night.'
'Sure. Chotay. Good night.' Anjali said instantly releasing him from her hold, thinking that her mentioning of Lavanya had triggered something inside of him, which it had, only she was far from guessing what exactly it was.
'Night Di.' With that Arnav went off to his own room. After having brushed and changed, he sat down at his laptop to check for any mails before he turned in for the night. But he hadn't sat even two minutes at his laptop when Anjali's words about losing someone one cared for came back into his mind. He had tried to push it out of his mind but the words wouldn't go. It annoyed him, why wouldn't they stop plaguing him, but he knew the answer to that too. It was because she hadn't just talked about someone one he cared about, no, she had not used that word at all. She had used the word, love. When the thought of losing someone you loved gripped you, how that completely broke you.
Why had he thought of Khushi at that moment? Why not Lavanya? Why had all the moments when he had been uncertain about her whereabouts or well-being come to mind when Anjali had mentioned those words? Why? Why damnit?! Did it mean that he...No. Then, why?!!
Why are you doing this? Who am I to you? Why do my problems matter to you? Khushi's questions at the hospital echoed in his mind. He had evaded them there but how was he going to avoid them now, when his own conscious was asking him. Why did Khushi bring out such emotional reactions from him? Why did her problems matter so much to him? Why did the very thought of her leaving him leave him so restless? Why did her smile and whisper of I'll be home mean so much to him? Why? Why did she matter so much?
...when you love someone Chotay, they'll always matter to you...regardless of who they are...they become a part of you and its' not wrong to love them regardless of what they may have done, because its' never wrong to love...once someone comes into your heart they never leave, oh you can think and believe as much as you want that they are gone or that you hate them but truth of the matter is that they're still there and every now and then through something or the other they will make you aware of that knowledge...
And there was his answer: in Anjali's words. The one he had been running away from, hiding from, denying. But he could no longer do that. It was high time he admitted to himself what had happened. What Khushi had done: she had taken his heart. Try as he might, to have barricaded it, she had waltzed right through and made a place for herself inside it. He had tried to be indifferent to her. Tried to hate her. But he could not. Anjali was right, he could believe all he wanted that she wasn't there, that he hated her but the truth would remain, whether he admitted it or not, that he...he...loved her. He loved her. Despite her faults, her mistakes, her gross insensibility of what was right and wrong, he had fallen for her. It didn't matter what she had done, he didn't care, all he knew was that he was in love with her. Arnav Singh Raizada had fallen in love with Khushi Kumari Gupta.
*****
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