Throughout the drive back home Arnav kept on trying to understand exactly why Khushi had left. Each time his thoughts led him to believe it was because of their conversation back in Nainital. It made sense, NK had said she had been very upset, which he knew she had been, due to their fight. Now whether that was because she truly repented or because it meant that she lost another great opportunity he couldn't decide. Sometimes he liked to think it was because she was changing her ways other times he thought better, knowing that girls like her never changed, they were and always would be selfish. But if that were the case why did she leave, so what if she lost him as a prospective husband, there were plenty of other men she could target here, why go back to Lucknow? Or was it, what he had thought it to be another one of her schemes to draw him in? If it was, then it definitely was working for try as he may to stop thinking about her he couldn't. Realizing this for the hundredth time he mentally reprimanded himself for letting her take over his thoughts again and decided to think about other things, like work and his water plant in Nainital. Only Nainital brought his mind back to her, for it was there where he last saw her. And then all the questions regarding her would start up again. It was like he was stuck in some sort of thought loop, unable to get out of it, which further frustrated him.
He honked loudly at Vikram, as anger at being unable to get Khushi out his thoughts, got the better of him. Once the car was parked he got out slammed the door and headed in, rubbing his forehead as he went. This caught Anjali's attention.
'Chotay? What's wrong? Do you have a headache? I told you not to go into work, you had such a long day today, you drove back from Nainital, you must be tired. You're overworking your body I tell you. Not taking care of yourself at all. Hari Prakash bring Chotay a strong ginger tea and a paracetamol. Now go freshen up and I'll heat dinner for you.' She went off bustling, leaving Arnav staring at her. How much she fretted over him, over everybody really. It was a miracle that she managed to stay in one piece, considering the fact that she worried over everyone, shaking his head he went to his room to freshen up.
He arrived at the dinner table and let Anjali continue to scold and smother him at the same time, while he tuned out her conversation so that it was a low buzz in his ears. It felt good, to have her continually conversing about him and other trivial things that had occurred in his absence, for the low buzz acted as a buffer to his own thoughts regarding Khushi, allowing him to actually relax for a while, as the whole day he had been stressing over her. For once his mind was actually numb and he didn't have to think about Khushi. Although something was beginning to eat away in his mind again. It wasn't Khushi, but rather something about Anjali and her behavior. He looked up at her. She was acting completely normal. Just the way she always did around him, scolding him for working late, telling him how he wasn't looking after himself, dishing out too much food for him, telling him about her days' events. It was what she always did.So why did that bother him? He stopped eating and continued to stare at her trying to figure out what it was about this normalcy that didn't seem right to him.
Seeing him stop eating she too stopped talking and looked at him, lines of worry appearing on her forehead, 'What is it Chotay? Do you not like the lentils? Is it too spicy? I thought it might be, for I didn't realize how much chilly I put in, I was so worried over you at that moment...' worried...that was it!! She wasn't worried!! The day before she had called him in Nainital due to not finding Khushi at home, from where he could have done nothing to locate her and today she wasn't worried at all! How could that be? Anjali who worried over something as small as losing a pen was not at all worried about Khushi being absent? That wasn't right...the only way she could be so cool regarding Khushi's absence was if she knew where she was and why. Yes that could be the only way...
'Chotay?! Chotay?!! What is it, why are you looking at me like this? And why aren't you saying anything?' Anjali nudged him. Case and point she was frazzled just because he wasn't replying, this definitely meant that she knew about Khushi, only how much?
'Hunh? Yeah, yeah the lentils are fine...I just...um,' what should he say, how should he approach the subject of Khushi without arousing suspicion? 'Could I get some water Di?' he said, buying some time to figure out how to ask her about Khushi.
'Water? Uff Chotay, then say so, instead of just staring at me like that...' she murmured as she poured him some water.
'Umm...Di, has everyone had dinner?'
'Hmm yeah...'
'Everyone?'
'Yes, Chotay. You're the last one, as always.' She smiled and began on her concern of how he always worked too late. This was not working he needed another approach.
'The house feels different today Di...'
'Hunh? Oh my God you noticed. Wow, I thought you never would.' Anjali smiled happily. How could he not, she wasn't something one could not notice? 'I changed the cushion covers, I was so bored of the old ones, they look nice don't they. Pink and orange, they bring such colour to the cream couches, right?'
'Cushions covers?' Arnav said blankly. Then looked from her to the couch, he stared at them weren't they the same ones, clearly not considering Anjali was telling him she had changed them. Well she was right in this account, he never would have realized if she hadn't said so herself. 'Uh. Right yeah. I thought there was something different about them...' Arnav lied while he cast his mind around for other ideas to bring Khushi and her whereabouts into the conversation.
'Wow Chotay, you're actually becoming observant in household a thing, that's a nice change.' She commented. Arnav only smiled. No he wasn't, he only wished for her to tell him about Khushi. How hard was it for her to get a clue and tell him about her? She generally always talked about her and today suddenly there was silence when it came to her.
'So anything interesting happen today Di?' He tried again.
'Umm no. No wait something incredible did happen...' She corrected herself.
Yes, yes...'Yeah Di, what's that?' Arnav asked nonchalantly, trying to hide his excitement in finally finding out what she knew about Khushi.
'That my Chotay is actually beginning to notice differences in the house and is actually interested in what I did all day, rather than passively listening to me drone about the days work...so yes something incredible did happen...' She teased.
'aha.' he gave her a mock laugh. 'First you complain that I don't pay attention and now that I am you're teasing me...well fine than I will go back to not listening if that's what you want.' Arnav said gruffly, annoyed that she wasn't getting his hints at all.
'Oh no no no, sorry, I won't make fun of you ok. But you have to let me off, it's not everyday you pay attention so I have to make a little bit of deal out of it don't I?' She laughed. Arnav smiled too. How could he not, her laugh was so innocent, so genuine that it would make anyone smile. With Anjali still talking animatedly about different things Arnav finished his dinner and then both parted for the night, Anjali happily while Arnav still restless, trying to figure out exactly how to get Anjali or Nani to tell him about Khushi. Even in bed he tossed and turned quite a bit trying to figure out how to bring her up without rousing suspicion, until he finally fell asleep.
When he woke up next morning he decided he would not waste another day wondering about Khushi. Afterall who was she to distract Arnav Singh Raizada. No one. She was a no one and he would no longer bother over her. If Di and Nani mentioned her then fine but if they didn't then he would leave it at that. He was an important, busy man, he couldn't stop working just because she had decided to go to Lucknow. No. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't let her win in her game. He was Arnav Singh Raizada, no one could control him, especially not Khushi.
'..Oh. Other than that all is ok? Good. Well then see you when you get back, take care.' Anjali hung up the phone as Arnav came for breakfast.
'What did she say?' Nani asked.
'Yes, all is ok- Anjali started.
'Morning.' Arnav chided.
'Good morning Chotay.'
'Good morning Chotay. Will you be joining us for breakfast?'
'No Nani, I've got a meeting to get too. I will see you later. Will just grab a toast.' He said as he picked up a buttered slice and began walking away, only to stop as he heard Anjali continue her conversation.
'Khushi said that- is everything ok Chotay?' Anjali stopped again as she saw Arnav halt and turn around to look at her.
'Hu...ehuh, ehuh' he choked on the piece of bread he had just bit into, as Anjali turned her attention on to him.
'Chotay. Chotay.' Anjali came to him at once and started patting at the back of his throat, as Nani poured him some water. 'Chotay, there, there, just cough it up...there.' He spit the devil of piece into the tissue paper Anjali held out in front of him and then drank the water Nani had poured.
'You ok Chotay?' Anjali asked concernedly.
He nodded as he gulped.
'Chotay, you know better than to speak with your mouthful, it results in choking.' Nani reproached him.
'I know Nani.' Arnav said through gritted teeth. Then swallowing down his pride, 'Uh...Di you were just mentioning Khushi, is everything ok with...I mean you sounded a little concerned that's why was wondering...' he added to not sound like it was out of concern for Khushi but rather Anjali.
'Khushi. Oh yes. Yeah, no. Its' really -'
Taa-rraa-ring. Taa-rraa-ring.
Damn it!! Out of all times Aman had to call now!!! Arnav stared at his phone screen where Aman's name was flashing.
'Uh, Chotay aren't you going to get that?' Anjali asked confused as to why Arnav was just staring at the phone instead of answering it.
'Of course Di. Of course, have I ever not answered my phone!' Arnav said in a controlled voice. 'Yes, Aman. What is it? He barked. 'Yeah, yeah I'm on my way.' With that he got up to leave, giving Anjali and Nani a longing look, he had been so close to knowing why Khushi had left and then Aman had ruined it. Ugh! Why had he hired Aman?!!
He honked loudly at Vikram, as anger at being unable to get Khushi out his thoughts, got the better of him. Once the car was parked he got out slammed the door and headed in, rubbing his forehead as he went. This caught Anjali's attention.
'Chotay? What's wrong? Do you have a headache? I told you not to go into work, you had such a long day today, you drove back from Nainital, you must be tired. You're overworking your body I tell you. Not taking care of yourself at all. Hari Prakash bring Chotay a strong ginger tea and a paracetamol. Now go freshen up and I'll heat dinner for you.' She went off bustling, leaving Arnav staring at her. How much she fretted over him, over everybody really. It was a miracle that she managed to stay in one piece, considering the fact that she worried over everyone, shaking his head he went to his room to freshen up.
He arrived at the dinner table and let Anjali continue to scold and smother him at the same time, while he tuned out her conversation so that it was a low buzz in his ears. It felt good, to have her continually conversing about him and other trivial things that had occurred in his absence, for the low buzz acted as a buffer to his own thoughts regarding Khushi, allowing him to actually relax for a while, as the whole day he had been stressing over her. For once his mind was actually numb and he didn't have to think about Khushi. Although something was beginning to eat away in his mind again. It wasn't Khushi, but rather something about Anjali and her behavior. He looked up at her. She was acting completely normal. Just the way she always did around him, scolding him for working late, telling him how he wasn't looking after himself, dishing out too much food for him, telling him about her days' events. It was what she always did.So why did that bother him? He stopped eating and continued to stare at her trying to figure out what it was about this normalcy that didn't seem right to him.
Seeing him stop eating she too stopped talking and looked at him, lines of worry appearing on her forehead, 'What is it Chotay? Do you not like the lentils? Is it too spicy? I thought it might be, for I didn't realize how much chilly I put in, I was so worried over you at that moment...' worried...that was it!! She wasn't worried!! The day before she had called him in Nainital due to not finding Khushi at home, from where he could have done nothing to locate her and today she wasn't worried at all! How could that be? Anjali who worried over something as small as losing a pen was not at all worried about Khushi being absent? That wasn't right...the only way she could be so cool regarding Khushi's absence was if she knew where she was and why. Yes that could be the only way...
'Chotay?! Chotay?!! What is it, why are you looking at me like this? And why aren't you saying anything?' Anjali nudged him. Case and point she was frazzled just because he wasn't replying, this definitely meant that she knew about Khushi, only how much?
'Hunh? Yeah, yeah the lentils are fine...I just...um,' what should he say, how should he approach the subject of Khushi without arousing suspicion? 'Could I get some water Di?' he said, buying some time to figure out how to ask her about Khushi.
'Water? Uff Chotay, then say so, instead of just staring at me like that...' she murmured as she poured him some water.
'Umm...Di, has everyone had dinner?'
'Hmm yeah...'
'Everyone?'
'Yes, Chotay. You're the last one, as always.' She smiled and began on her concern of how he always worked too late. This was not working he needed another approach.
'The house feels different today Di...'
'Hunh? Oh my God you noticed. Wow, I thought you never would.' Anjali smiled happily. How could he not, she wasn't something one could not notice? 'I changed the cushion covers, I was so bored of the old ones, they look nice don't they. Pink and orange, they bring such colour to the cream couches, right?'
'Cushions covers?' Arnav said blankly. Then looked from her to the couch, he stared at them weren't they the same ones, clearly not considering Anjali was telling him she had changed them. Well she was right in this account, he never would have realized if she hadn't said so herself. 'Uh. Right yeah. I thought there was something different about them...' Arnav lied while he cast his mind around for other ideas to bring Khushi and her whereabouts into the conversation.
'Wow Chotay, you're actually becoming observant in household a thing, that's a nice change.' She commented. Arnav only smiled. No he wasn't, he only wished for her to tell him about Khushi. How hard was it for her to get a clue and tell him about her? She generally always talked about her and today suddenly there was silence when it came to her.
'So anything interesting happen today Di?' He tried again.
'Umm no. No wait something incredible did happen...' She corrected herself.
Yes, yes...'Yeah Di, what's that?' Arnav asked nonchalantly, trying to hide his excitement in finally finding out what she knew about Khushi.
'That my Chotay is actually beginning to notice differences in the house and is actually interested in what I did all day, rather than passively listening to me drone about the days work...so yes something incredible did happen...' She teased.
'aha.' he gave her a mock laugh. 'First you complain that I don't pay attention and now that I am you're teasing me...well fine than I will go back to not listening if that's what you want.' Arnav said gruffly, annoyed that she wasn't getting his hints at all.
'Oh no no no, sorry, I won't make fun of you ok. But you have to let me off, it's not everyday you pay attention so I have to make a little bit of deal out of it don't I?' She laughed. Arnav smiled too. How could he not, her laugh was so innocent, so genuine that it would make anyone smile. With Anjali still talking animatedly about different things Arnav finished his dinner and then both parted for the night, Anjali happily while Arnav still restless, trying to figure out exactly how to get Anjali or Nani to tell him about Khushi. Even in bed he tossed and turned quite a bit trying to figure out how to bring her up without rousing suspicion, until he finally fell asleep.
When he woke up next morning he decided he would not waste another day wondering about Khushi. Afterall who was she to distract Arnav Singh Raizada. No one. She was a no one and he would no longer bother over her. If Di and Nani mentioned her then fine but if they didn't then he would leave it at that. He was an important, busy man, he couldn't stop working just because she had decided to go to Lucknow. No. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't let her win in her game. He was Arnav Singh Raizada, no one could control him, especially not Khushi.
'..Oh. Other than that all is ok? Good. Well then see you when you get back, take care.' Anjali hung up the phone as Arnav came for breakfast.
'What did she say?' Nani asked.
'Yes, all is ok- Anjali started.
'Morning.' Arnav chided.
'Good morning Chotay.'
'Good morning Chotay. Will you be joining us for breakfast?'
'No Nani, I've got a meeting to get too. I will see you later. Will just grab a toast.' He said as he picked up a buttered slice and began walking away, only to stop as he heard Anjali continue her conversation.
'Khushi said that- is everything ok Chotay?' Anjali stopped again as she saw Arnav halt and turn around to look at her.
'Hu...ehuh, ehuh' he choked on the piece of bread he had just bit into, as Anjali turned her attention on to him.
'Chotay. Chotay.' Anjali came to him at once and started patting at the back of his throat, as Nani poured him some water. 'Chotay, there, there, just cough it up...there.' He spit the devil of piece into the tissue paper Anjali held out in front of him and then drank the water Nani had poured.
'You ok Chotay?' Anjali asked concernedly.
He nodded as he gulped.
'Chotay, you know better than to speak with your mouthful, it results in choking.' Nani reproached him.
'I know Nani.' Arnav said through gritted teeth. Then swallowing down his pride, 'Uh...Di you were just mentioning Khushi, is everything ok with...I mean you sounded a little concerned that's why was wondering...' he added to not sound like it was out of concern for Khushi but rather Anjali.
'Khushi. Oh yes. Yeah, no. Its' really -'
Taa-rraa-ring. Taa-rraa-ring.
Damn it!! Out of all times Aman had to call now!!! Arnav stared at his phone screen where Aman's name was flashing.
'Uh, Chotay aren't you going to get that?' Anjali asked confused as to why Arnav was just staring at the phone instead of answering it.
'Of course Di. Of course, have I ever not answered my phone!' Arnav said in a controlled voice. 'Yes, Aman. What is it? He barked. 'Yeah, yeah I'm on my way.' With that he got up to leave, giving Anjali and Nani a longing look, he had been so close to knowing why Khushi had left and then Aman had ruined it. Ugh! Why had he hired Aman?!!
Three days later Arnav found himself at the summer cabin, where he and his mother had planted their first tree together. He needed an escape, a place where he could let go of his anxieties, worries and frustration. Thus he set to work, uprooting the grown plants from their pots to place them in the soil where their roots could grow and spread out well. He was an hour into this heavenly mind-numbing job when his hand got caught under the rake he was using.
'Aah...crap.' Shaking it he went into the house to wash away the blood and then set out to find a bandage, but the house had none. Making a mental note to equip the house with necessities, he went out to his car to fetch the first aid box from the glove compartment. After having spread the antiseptic cream and wrapping a fresh bandage around his wound he turned to put the box back inside the compartment, when something silver fell out of it with a jingle. Sliding the box in he turned to look for the thing that had fallen under the passenger seat. It was a pair of silver anklets. Khushi's anklets. He stared at it. She had left a part of her everywhere. These had been left since the day he had taken her to the hospital, the nurse had given it to him when she took Khushi in for an x-ray. He didn't even remember putting them in here, but must have, considering they were here, and now in his hands.
The wind russled around him and made the anklets jingle. He closed his eyes listening to their music. The sound was so soothing, it almost felt like Khushi was there with him. Only she wasn't. Where are you Khushi? Why won't you talk to me? Come back. Please come back. His eyes snapped up as that thought left him. What had he just asked for? Why had he asked for that? Why did he wish her here? This all was so wrong, he shouldn't be feeling this way regarding her. She wasn't the sort of person he wanted to be associated with let alone harbor feelings for! No he had to stop this nonsense!
Only he couldn't: had he not learnt that in the last three days, the more he tried not to think about her the more she took over his mind. The more worried he got over her. It didn't matter the sort of person she was all that mattered was that he missed her. There he admitted it, he missed her. How he hated admitting that fact, but he couldn't hide from it anymore. Somehow she had done something that made him want her regardless of all her sins. Her absence unsettled him. Her anger hurt him. Her silence left him restless. He didn't like not knowing. Not knowing why she had left, why she wouldn't answer his calls, when she was clearly answering Anjali's. When she would come back, if she would come back? That thought haunted him the most: he couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her again. Of her last memory of him being the one in Nainital where he had said such ruthless things, albeit the truth, but harsh nonetheless. Her opinion of him mattered to him. This was a first; never before had he cared what another person thought of him, but he did now.
Why? This question plagued him day and night. Why did he care?What was it about her that made him go against all his beliefs and caution? He knew she was nothing but trouble, she would bring him nothing but misery, yet still he went after her. Wanted to know all about her. Wished her to change, so that...so that...so that- what? What did he want? Did he want her?! No. He couldn't, if he did then that would be a gross betrayal. Betrayal to his mother and Lavanya. No. How could he even think that, but then...what was this?
Ugh Damn it!! Why? Why did she have to come in his life and wreck havoc init? He had been happy the way he was, but no she just had to come along, make a mess of his life and then disappear leaving him all flustered and confused. Why had he let her in?! Why did she have to be a characterless girl? If she wasn't then may be...ugh what was he thinking? He couldn't think like this it was wrong. Especially, standing where he was, in his mother's haven, how hurt would she be for him harbouring such thoughts about a woman who was just like the one who had been the cause of her ruin. No this was wrong, whatever it was he had to quench it, he couldn't let it grow as it would only hurt him and his family.
Coming to this resolve, he threw Khushi's anklets back into the glove compartment and locked it, not wanting to look at them again, in case they made him waver towards their owner again. That done he buckled himself into his seat and jetted out of the drive towards home.
'Aah...crap.' Shaking it he went into the house to wash away the blood and then set out to find a bandage, but the house had none. Making a mental note to equip the house with necessities, he went out to his car to fetch the first aid box from the glove compartment. After having spread the antiseptic cream and wrapping a fresh bandage around his wound he turned to put the box back inside the compartment, when something silver fell out of it with a jingle. Sliding the box in he turned to look for the thing that had fallen under the passenger seat. It was a pair of silver anklets. Khushi's anklets. He stared at it. She had left a part of her everywhere. These had been left since the day he had taken her to the hospital, the nurse had given it to him when she took Khushi in for an x-ray. He didn't even remember putting them in here, but must have, considering they were here, and now in his hands.
The wind russled around him and made the anklets jingle. He closed his eyes listening to their music. The sound was so soothing, it almost felt like Khushi was there with him. Only she wasn't. Where are you Khushi? Why won't you talk to me? Come back. Please come back. His eyes snapped up as that thought left him. What had he just asked for? Why had he asked for that? Why did he wish her here? This all was so wrong, he shouldn't be feeling this way regarding her. She wasn't the sort of person he wanted to be associated with let alone harbor feelings for! No he had to stop this nonsense!
Only he couldn't: had he not learnt that in the last three days, the more he tried not to think about her the more she took over his mind. The more worried he got over her. It didn't matter the sort of person she was all that mattered was that he missed her. There he admitted it, he missed her. How he hated admitting that fact, but he couldn't hide from it anymore. Somehow she had done something that made him want her regardless of all her sins. Her absence unsettled him. Her anger hurt him. Her silence left him restless. He didn't like not knowing. Not knowing why she had left, why she wouldn't answer his calls, when she was clearly answering Anjali's. When she would come back, if she would come back? That thought haunted him the most: he couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her again. Of her last memory of him being the one in Nainital where he had said such ruthless things, albeit the truth, but harsh nonetheless. Her opinion of him mattered to him. This was a first; never before had he cared what another person thought of him, but he did now.
Why? This question plagued him day and night. Why did he care?What was it about her that made him go against all his beliefs and caution? He knew she was nothing but trouble, she would bring him nothing but misery, yet still he went after her. Wanted to know all about her. Wished her to change, so that...so that...so that- what? What did he want? Did he want her?! No. He couldn't, if he did then that would be a gross betrayal. Betrayal to his mother and Lavanya. No. How could he even think that, but then...what was this?
Ugh Damn it!! Why? Why did she have to come in his life and wreck havoc init? He had been happy the way he was, but no she just had to come along, make a mess of his life and then disappear leaving him all flustered and confused. Why had he let her in?! Why did she have to be a characterless girl? If she wasn't then may be...ugh what was he thinking? He couldn't think like this it was wrong. Especially, standing where he was, in his mother's haven, how hurt would she be for him harbouring such thoughts about a woman who was just like the one who had been the cause of her ruin. No this was wrong, whatever it was he had to quench it, he couldn't let it grow as it would only hurt him and his family.
Coming to this resolve, he threw Khushi's anklets back into the glove compartment and locked it, not wanting to look at them again, in case they made him waver towards their owner again. That done he buckled himself into his seat and jetted out of the drive towards home.
*****
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