Khushi crumpled onto her bed. What a week?!! Leaning back against the bed board she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as she recollected the last few days. Her departure to Lucknow and her trip back. What a hectic couple of days she had spent. From the moment she had heard Payal's voice through the payphone in Nainital she had known something terrible had happened and Payal had not needed prodding to reveal to her what it was. Her father had had a heart-attack. Since she had learnt that she had forgotten all her woes and her sole aim was to get to Lucknow as soon as possible. Thus she had decided to take the first bus back to Delhi, pack her things and leave on the train with Payal to Lucknow. That plan discussed over the phone with her sister, Khushi had run back into the hotel packed her bag and waited impatiently in the lobby for dawn so that she could ask the receptionist the way to the bus stop. Those two hours had been painstakingly long and horrendous. The worst of thoughts had spun around in her head. Finally, at six the receptionist had come and guided her to the bus stop. From where she had taken the six-thirty bus back to Delhi.
Once back in Delhi she had gone straight to Payal's where Payal was still in tears. She and Aakash had packed her things and booked the afternoon train ticket over the phone. Then she had gone to Shantivan to pack her things and collect her phone and some spare cash. She had been on her way out when she realized she should inform someone at work about her leaving. She had called NK, not wanting to converse with Arnav. NK had granted her leave but had insisted that he would take her to the station thus she had waited for him to come. While she waited she thought it best to inform Anjali and Nani that she would be gone for a few days. Anjali and Nani both agreed that she should leave at once and offered her their own driver to take her all the way to Lucknow but Khushi informed her of her tickets. They then had offered to drop her and Payal at the station but just then NK had arrived and Khushi took their leave.
NK had been a great friend to her all the way to the station. He had not pestered her about why she was leaving, giving her personal space. Instead he had talked about everything underneath the sun to divert her mind and make her smile which had worked a few times. He had stayed with her until Payal had not arrived with Aakash and they both had settled into the carriage. The next six hours had been worse than the two hours in Nainital. For this time she had Payal to echo aloud her worst thoughts. Payal was completely distraught and Khushi spent the bulk of the journey consoling her. However, Payal's wails were more welcome to her than what had awaited for her in Lucknow. She had gone to what she had believed to be her home, only to find it was no longer hers'.
When the sisters' got to Lucknow they dropped their luggage at the house and headed straight to the hospital. There they found their Bauji much changed but recovering. The doctor agreed to discharge him the next day if he continued to recover in the same manner. Thus that whole day the two girls alongside their mother and aunt religiously took care of Shashi. Which meant that the doctor discharged him the following day and they took him home. Up until that point Khushi had managed to hold herself together in order to be strong for her family but once she discovered the reason behind her Bauji's angina, her composure shattered. For it was none other than her.
'So what happened all of a sudden that Bau ji had a heart-attack.' Khushi asked on the second evening, she was in Lucknow, after they had put Shashi to bed and all had sat down in the lounge. 'I mean was there some loss in the shop...or what?'
Buaji, Amma and Payal all exchanged looks. They had managed to avoid this question the last two days, but now weren't sure how to keep their daughter from discovering the truth.
'Umm...no, no bitya. The business is going fine. Just age, sweetheart, it happens.' Madhmathi said evasively.
'Age? Bauji isn't that old. And regardless of what age, someone who has had no history of heart diseases doesn't suddenly get a heat-attack out of the blue. Something intense has to happen for such a thing to happen.' Khushi reasoned. They all looked at each other again and this time Khushi saw, that there was a reason only they didn't want to share it.
'Let it be Khushi. What does it matter why it happened, all that matters is that Bauji is better now, right? So Amma what are you making for dinner tonight, I mean for us, you know its' been such a long time since I've had your Alloo Puris...' Payal said changing the subject and both the women ceased the opportunity and started talking about food. But Khushi was having none of it. Why were they keeping her out of the loop? It was not right!
'Hey. Don't change the subject. You all are hiding something from me and I want to know. What is it? What happened because now I'm sure something terrible happened!'
'Oho, Sanka Devi you're thinking too much, nothing happened. Now I'm sure with Allo Puri you'll want my special Mango Chutney, I'll get to it.' Buajii said a little too quickly, making Khushi more suspicious.
'Nice try, but none of you are leaving this lounge until I know the truth. Or may be...' she turned towards Garima, with tears in her eyes, she knew that out of the three of them only her Amma would break the silence the three had decided upon and spill, for she couldn't lie, hence she had kept quiet while the others had tried to evade the subject. 'Or may be you don't see me as your own, that's why you won't tell me what happened.' She let a tear drop as she sat down near Garima's feet.
That did the trick, 'Khushi!' Garima said in a high-pitched voice, appaled that her silence had lead her daughter to think she was still an outsider, 'don't you ever think that, you are my daughter and he is your Bauji just as much as Payal's. Understand?!' she said cupping her face and wiping away the tear.
'Then why won't you tell me, what happened? If Jiji can know, then why not me?' she asked in a small voice.
'Uff, because we didn't want to upset you. Khushi we were silent because we knew if you found out the reason behind the attack then you would be very hurt, that's why. But if you insist upon knowing then fine I will tell you, but know that we don't believe it or blame you, if we did then we would have said so before. I know my daughter and so I know that whatever occurred held no bearing and that's what your Bauji and Bua ji believe too.' Khushi stared at her Amma, then Bua ji and then Payal. Garima and Madhumathi both looked solemn but there was a sense of resignation about Payal's glum that further unsettled Khushi. What on earth could have happened? Something that had to do with her, when she hadn't even been here, what could it possibly be? She turned to face Garima and motioned her to continue.
'Khushi...' she started, but then stopped not knowing how to tell her daughter.
'Yes Amma.' She encouraged.
'Khushi, you know how...umm...Shyam is your Bau ji's lawyer right?' Khushi, gulped. What had Shyam said or done? He hadn't tried to do something to the business after she had left had he? She had forgotten that just because she had broken her ties with him, they all still had a connection, for Shyam handled her Bauji's dessert parlour's legal affairs. He having been someone they knew and trusted Shashi had appointed him, of course not realizing that he wasn't worthy of their trust.
'What did he do?' she asked, now not wanting to know but necessity making her ask it. She needed to know what the rascal had done. That had lead to her farther having an angina. Her love for her father trumped her sanity, which was at risk whenever Shyam was mentioned.
'He...well for some reason he thinks you stole his engagement ring, so he came to the shop a few days ago and said he was taking over it if we did not give the ring back or pay the amount. Things heated up and resulted in your Bauji having an attack.'
'Hunh?! What rubbish! I did nothing of the sort I left the ring in his room at Sheesh-Mahal!! And I told him so.' Khushi shouted out in anger, then turned around to ask the fateful question, 'wait, what did he say? I mean him accusing me of being a thief wouldn't make Bauji have an attack, would it?'
'Khushi, let it be darling, it doesn't matter what he said. All that matters is that he is a foul man and none of us believe him. He can make up whatever stories he likes...' Amma skirted her question.
'What did he say?'
'Let it go Thithaliya. Its' not worth repeating. Now how about we get going on the mango chutney, eh?'
'He said something about me didn't he?' her eyes bore into the three of them, What did he say?' she asked again, softly but determindedly.
'Khushi...' there was a plea in Garima's voice.
'Yes bitya. It was about you, but we don't believe it so it doesn't matter. Ok?' Madhumathi declared as she got up indicating that the discussion had come to an end. But Khushi went to her, turned her around and looked straight into her eyes.
'What did he say Bua ji? I need to know. Please tell me.' It was important, she needed to know whether he had concocted some atrocious lie about her or whether he had told the truth, the truth about their night. If so...well in that case she didn't know which would be worse, him having lied or him having told the truth?
'Hmpf. Fine.' Madhumathi drooped her shoulders, 'He said lots of nonsensical things about you in front of the whole neighbourhood...about you two together... which got your Bauji worked up, how could it not...he said that you had lied to us all when Bauji denied it...he described some of the marks on your body, which of course he must remember from when you used to run around with him in your frock...that devil of a man using the old days to suggest such atrocities about you...he even dared to suggest that you...you had taken the ring as payment. That scoundrel!! I wanted to wring his neck for bad-mouthing you in front of the whole world but at that moment Shashi Babuwa collapsed so we attended to him rather than deal with that loathsome man.' She huffed, clearly disgusted at Shyam and annoyed that she didn't get the chance for skinning him alive there and then for insinuating her darling neice to be a wh**e.
Khushi let go Madhumathi and stumbled back, as she revealed all the things Shyam had said. She was deathly pale. Shyam had told them everything. And they hadn't believed it. They trusted her, their upbringing so much that they didn't even for a moment doubt her. How was she ever to face them? As if the shame she had brought on them was not enough, she was now the cause of her own father's weak heart. In one moment of pride she had thrown away all. If only she had heeded to her conscience then may be, may be...but alas she hadn't, she had let pride and passion get the better of her. They had always been her weakness; it was a matter of insult to her if she couldn't stick to her words and so when Shyam had suggested her trust in him to be empty words it had driven all caution out and then when things had escalated passion had taken over before she could have stopped it or him.
But what was the point in dwelling over what had happened, she couldn't change it. What she could do was stop hiding the truth from her family. For she wasn't a liar and she wouldn't live with that title, even if it meant losing everyone she loved. She had never lied to them before and she wouldn't start now. But how was she supposed to say it. They trusted her so much, even now, they were angry about his words and fussing over her:
'See...this is why I wasn't telling you, just look at yourself. You look ghostly.' Bua ji exclaimed.
While Amma chided, 'Oh Khushi sit down, bitya. You must feel awful. I know I can see it in your eyes. But bitya, just forget what he said, he's a mad man, none of us believe him. He can say what he likes, we know our bitya is pure, kind and caring. Nothing like what he has suggested.' At this Khushi finally broke and began crying. They were so far from the truth, it killed her inside. They had full faith in her when she deserved none of it. She clutched at her sides and howled in agony, for the torture her actions had put them in and would continue to after she revealed the truth.
'Khushi!!' all three of them exclaimed in alarm as they rushed to her shaking frame on the lounge floor.
'No bitya, no...don't cry like this. You have done nothing wrong...no one believes this rubbish.' Amma cooed.
'Khushi...dear sshhh...sshh...I know, I know it must hurt, he broke your heart already by betraying you and now a new betrayal through his words...we understand, but its' going to be ok honey, DM will deal with him for saying such foul things, you'll see he'll get his comeuppance. He will, believe in the Goddess, dear. Trust Her and then you'll see how you overcome this pain too.' Bua ji counseled.
'Khushi...sshh...its' going to be ok. Sshh...sshhh.' Payal patted her, as she took her in her arms, from Garima's, for she knew Khushi's pain better than either of the women. Hence she had readily accepted upon their decision to not tell Khushi anything about Shyam's visit.
'Bitya...' both Amma and Bua ji continued to console her, but Khushi couldn't take it anymore. She didn't deserve their love, not after what she had done. Not after she had betrayed them all. Not after she was responsible for Shashi's state. She raised her head out of Payal's bossom and turned to face them, tears still flowing from her guilt-ridden eyes.
'Amm-mm-a...B-bbuuajiii' she sobbed, 'he...he- she started.
'Khushi ssshhh...don't...' Payal advised, realizing what Khushi was about to reveal.
'Ji-ji...I...I have to...I cannot not tell th-them...its been ee-ating at me eversince...th-they d-deserve to knooow...' she reasoned.
'Khushi...' Payal pleaded, not wanting her sister to have to face Garima and Madhumathi's wrath. She had seen how much Khushi hated herself for what she had done, knew how much she had lost, knew how much she had repented, but they hadn't and they wouldn't see any of it, not right now. They would only see her betrayal, just like Aakash had.
'A-amma...' Khushi went on, she understood Payal's hesitation in telling them, especially now considering she wasn't pregnant, they could easily lie and say Shyam was lying, but Khushi couldn't do that. She didn't have the heart to lie to anyone and this was her family, she couldn't lie to them, her hiding the truth for this long was bad enough. Now that they had stumbled upon the truth it was time she owned up to it instead of outright lie and keep them in the dark. That was against her teachings, she was not a coward and she never would be. If she had defended her honor that night in front of Shyam and slept with him just to prove she trusted him then she would fight for that very honor and prevail the truth to her family, even if it meant her losing them. She would learn to live without them but she wouldn't live with a lie, with keeping them under a lie.
'A-amma he...Shyam...' she began again.
'Yes, my bitya, I know he is a treacherous man.'
'No..no...' she shook her head, as more tears, meandered down her cheek. 'A-ammma he...he wasn't lying...he...he-
'Hunh? Yes dear, we know he lied, you don't have to explain to us, we know you darling, he's the liar, yes, yes, we know.' Amma replied, having misheard Khushi due to her sobs.
Khushi shook her head vigorously again, 'No...no Amma, he isn't...he told the truth...I...I did...I sle-ept with hi-immm...' Khushi blubbered, into her hands.
Amma and Buaji were both silent. They looked at each other, than at Payal, whose tearful face told them that what Khushi had just uttered was the truth. Horrified both let go of Khushi, unable to accept what she had stated. How could their daughter, their own daughter do something like that? But if she hadn't then why would she say so...
'Khushi...Khushi...look it at me...what are you saying...are you saying what that man said is true...that you...' Bua ji gripped her hard and shook her, studying her face to see any part of it that may suggest that what she had said wasn't the truth, that somehow they had misheard her that they had misread Payal and her face. But her red eyes only echoed her words more clearly. Stung by the truth in her face she let go of her, 'Garima...Garima, what is our daughter saying, what is she saying Garima...' Bua ji asked in disbelief.
But Garima herself was in shock, she couldn't wrap her head around what Khushi had said. How could it be? Not her Khushi, no something was terribly wrong. It was her turn to charge up to Khushi and question her. 'Khushi,' she said softly, but Khushi didn't turn towards her, she couldn't. She'd manage to muster only enough courage to say the truth, she didn't have anymore to face her mother. 'Khushi! Look at me,' she said louder, 'I said look at me!!' she forced her to face her. 'Did you do this?!! Is this the truth?!! What you said, is it?!!'
'Yes.' She managed between her tears.
SLAP!!
Garima's hand acted on its' own accord, before she even knew it, it had swung up and across Khushi's face, leaving the skin red where it had come in contact with. Heaving and appaled at her daughter and what her own hand had done she moved away from Khushi.
'A-aamma...' Khushi tried to crawl near her, but Garima turned away and Khushi drooped into her shoulders' once again.
'Insolent child!!' Bua ji blared, her disbelief now turning into rage. 'First you dare to besmirch your own dignity and then have the audacity to broadcast it in front of us!! Have you no decency? No decorum?!! Have forgotten all your teachings?!! To sit here, in front of us and tell us of your illicit activities. Despicable!!'
'Bua ji...' Payal cried out.
'No. Don't stop me! You have always defended her. Covered up all her mistakes, but you can't hide this, stains like these don't just get covered up they end up besmirching anything that comes into contact with it. Like it has done to your father and now will do to us. Oh when everyone will find out, what will they say, what will they do...oh Garima, what has she done!! Why Khushi?!! Why did you do it?' she asked, now anger fizzled into sadness. 'Why? Didn't you once stop to think what you were doing, how it would affect us all?!! How it would affect you? How you would become an outcast in society!'
'Bua ji...I...' but what could she say. Of course she hadn't thought of it, why would she have, she had only trusted the man who had showered her with love, never even stopping to think that it was all an illusion that would go away when she had given him his trophy: her virginity. She had trusted him and he had wronged her. In every way possible.
'Let it be Jiji. There must have been some deficiency in my love, in my upbringing that led her to do this. May be I didn't treat her right, may be I didn't fill the role of a mother properly that's why she took this step...' Garima said in a hollow voice.
Khushi's head snapped up at this. She wiped her tears, dragged herself onto her feet and scrambled towards her mother, 'No Amma...please no, don't say that. You showered me with immense love. You did everything right. Please, please don't blame yourself for my sin. Please.'
'How can I not? For what else would have led you to do something so stupid, so dishonorable?' Amma asked. It was ironic, Khushi thought, how the very thing she had done to protect her honor was now the reason for her dishonor. Life certainly loved to play games with her. 'Huh...' Garima uttered a wry laugh, 'You have no answer. How could you, when I asserted it myself. It is my fault, I wasn't a good mother. May be, may be if Didi had raised you then...oh how will I ever face her. Her daughter, her bundle of joy that I led astray. Oh Didi I'm so sorry. So so sorry...I have failed you...' with that Garima left Khushi ashen faced in the lounge. Further broken by the thought that her mother felt she had failed.
The next day Khushi had taken the first train back to Delhi. Not having the heart to come in front of her mother and aunt after having disappointed them so immensely. They didn't stop her, Garima to hurt by her and Madhumathi too angry with her. Thus she boarded the train, even though Payal had tried to stop her, telling her to stay, but she couldn't not when she was the reason for their grief. She told Payal to stay as they would need her around the house to take care of them and Shashi. That was the chaotic story of the past few days, which she now recalled in her bedroom at Shantivan. Her heart full with grief and guilt for her crime. She hated herself for bringing such pain to her family. It tortured her how she could do nothing to give them relief, for it had been her who had given them the heartache.
'What's this Khushi?' Khushi's eyes snapped open to find a hazy Anjali standing before her. Anjali wiped away her tears and sat down next to her. 'I thought you would be happy now that your father is out of the hospital and out of danger. But here I find you in tears.'
'I...uh..' what was she supposed to say? Even though Anjali knew everything about her and Shyam she didn't know how to tell her, how that relationship was responsible for her father's ailment and her family's sorrow.
'I know, you must have been busy being the strong one there, hence would have hid your own pain. Its' ok. You can let it out here. I'm here for you.' Khushi required no more invitation and she let out her heart's woes in Anjali's lap.
Once back in Delhi she had gone straight to Payal's where Payal was still in tears. She and Aakash had packed her things and booked the afternoon train ticket over the phone. Then she had gone to Shantivan to pack her things and collect her phone and some spare cash. She had been on her way out when she realized she should inform someone at work about her leaving. She had called NK, not wanting to converse with Arnav. NK had granted her leave but had insisted that he would take her to the station thus she had waited for him to come. While she waited she thought it best to inform Anjali and Nani that she would be gone for a few days. Anjali and Nani both agreed that she should leave at once and offered her their own driver to take her all the way to Lucknow but Khushi informed her of her tickets. They then had offered to drop her and Payal at the station but just then NK had arrived and Khushi took their leave.
NK had been a great friend to her all the way to the station. He had not pestered her about why she was leaving, giving her personal space. Instead he had talked about everything underneath the sun to divert her mind and make her smile which had worked a few times. He had stayed with her until Payal had not arrived with Aakash and they both had settled into the carriage. The next six hours had been worse than the two hours in Nainital. For this time she had Payal to echo aloud her worst thoughts. Payal was completely distraught and Khushi spent the bulk of the journey consoling her. However, Payal's wails were more welcome to her than what had awaited for her in Lucknow. She had gone to what she had believed to be her home, only to find it was no longer hers'.
When the sisters' got to Lucknow they dropped their luggage at the house and headed straight to the hospital. There they found their Bauji much changed but recovering. The doctor agreed to discharge him the next day if he continued to recover in the same manner. Thus that whole day the two girls alongside their mother and aunt religiously took care of Shashi. Which meant that the doctor discharged him the following day and they took him home. Up until that point Khushi had managed to hold herself together in order to be strong for her family but once she discovered the reason behind her Bauji's angina, her composure shattered. For it was none other than her.
'So what happened all of a sudden that Bau ji had a heart-attack.' Khushi asked on the second evening, she was in Lucknow, after they had put Shashi to bed and all had sat down in the lounge. 'I mean was there some loss in the shop...or what?'
Buaji, Amma and Payal all exchanged looks. They had managed to avoid this question the last two days, but now weren't sure how to keep their daughter from discovering the truth.
'Umm...no, no bitya. The business is going fine. Just age, sweetheart, it happens.' Madhmathi said evasively.
'Age? Bauji isn't that old. And regardless of what age, someone who has had no history of heart diseases doesn't suddenly get a heat-attack out of the blue. Something intense has to happen for such a thing to happen.' Khushi reasoned. They all looked at each other again and this time Khushi saw, that there was a reason only they didn't want to share it.
'Let it be Khushi. What does it matter why it happened, all that matters is that Bauji is better now, right? So Amma what are you making for dinner tonight, I mean for us, you know its' been such a long time since I've had your Alloo Puris...' Payal said changing the subject and both the women ceased the opportunity and started talking about food. But Khushi was having none of it. Why were they keeping her out of the loop? It was not right!
'Hey. Don't change the subject. You all are hiding something from me and I want to know. What is it? What happened because now I'm sure something terrible happened!'
'Oho, Sanka Devi you're thinking too much, nothing happened. Now I'm sure with Allo Puri you'll want my special Mango Chutney, I'll get to it.' Buajii said a little too quickly, making Khushi more suspicious.
'Nice try, but none of you are leaving this lounge until I know the truth. Or may be...' she turned towards Garima, with tears in her eyes, she knew that out of the three of them only her Amma would break the silence the three had decided upon and spill, for she couldn't lie, hence she had kept quiet while the others had tried to evade the subject. 'Or may be you don't see me as your own, that's why you won't tell me what happened.' She let a tear drop as she sat down near Garima's feet.
That did the trick, 'Khushi!' Garima said in a high-pitched voice, appaled that her silence had lead her daughter to think she was still an outsider, 'don't you ever think that, you are my daughter and he is your Bauji just as much as Payal's. Understand?!' she said cupping her face and wiping away the tear.
'Then why won't you tell me, what happened? If Jiji can know, then why not me?' she asked in a small voice.
'Uff, because we didn't want to upset you. Khushi we were silent because we knew if you found out the reason behind the attack then you would be very hurt, that's why. But if you insist upon knowing then fine I will tell you, but know that we don't believe it or blame you, if we did then we would have said so before. I know my daughter and so I know that whatever occurred held no bearing and that's what your Bauji and Bua ji believe too.' Khushi stared at her Amma, then Bua ji and then Payal. Garima and Madhumathi both looked solemn but there was a sense of resignation about Payal's glum that further unsettled Khushi. What on earth could have happened? Something that had to do with her, when she hadn't even been here, what could it possibly be? She turned to face Garima and motioned her to continue.
'Khushi...' she started, but then stopped not knowing how to tell her daughter.
'Yes Amma.' She encouraged.
'Khushi, you know how...umm...Shyam is your Bau ji's lawyer right?' Khushi, gulped. What had Shyam said or done? He hadn't tried to do something to the business after she had left had he? She had forgotten that just because she had broken her ties with him, they all still had a connection, for Shyam handled her Bauji's dessert parlour's legal affairs. He having been someone they knew and trusted Shashi had appointed him, of course not realizing that he wasn't worthy of their trust.
'What did he do?' she asked, now not wanting to know but necessity making her ask it. She needed to know what the rascal had done. That had lead to her farther having an angina. Her love for her father trumped her sanity, which was at risk whenever Shyam was mentioned.
'He...well for some reason he thinks you stole his engagement ring, so he came to the shop a few days ago and said he was taking over it if we did not give the ring back or pay the amount. Things heated up and resulted in your Bauji having an attack.'
'Hunh?! What rubbish! I did nothing of the sort I left the ring in his room at Sheesh-Mahal!! And I told him so.' Khushi shouted out in anger, then turned around to ask the fateful question, 'wait, what did he say? I mean him accusing me of being a thief wouldn't make Bauji have an attack, would it?'
'Khushi, let it be darling, it doesn't matter what he said. All that matters is that he is a foul man and none of us believe him. He can make up whatever stories he likes...' Amma skirted her question.
'What did he say?'
'Let it go Thithaliya. Its' not worth repeating. Now how about we get going on the mango chutney, eh?'
'He said something about me didn't he?' her eyes bore into the three of them, What did he say?' she asked again, softly but determindedly.
'Khushi...' there was a plea in Garima's voice.
'Yes bitya. It was about you, but we don't believe it so it doesn't matter. Ok?' Madhumathi declared as she got up indicating that the discussion had come to an end. But Khushi went to her, turned her around and looked straight into her eyes.
'What did he say Bua ji? I need to know. Please tell me.' It was important, she needed to know whether he had concocted some atrocious lie about her or whether he had told the truth, the truth about their night. If so...well in that case she didn't know which would be worse, him having lied or him having told the truth?
'Hmpf. Fine.' Madhumathi drooped her shoulders, 'He said lots of nonsensical things about you in front of the whole neighbourhood...about you two together... which got your Bauji worked up, how could it not...he said that you had lied to us all when Bauji denied it...he described some of the marks on your body, which of course he must remember from when you used to run around with him in your frock...that devil of a man using the old days to suggest such atrocities about you...he even dared to suggest that you...you had taken the ring as payment. That scoundrel!! I wanted to wring his neck for bad-mouthing you in front of the whole world but at that moment Shashi Babuwa collapsed so we attended to him rather than deal with that loathsome man.' She huffed, clearly disgusted at Shyam and annoyed that she didn't get the chance for skinning him alive there and then for insinuating her darling neice to be a wh**e.
Khushi let go Madhumathi and stumbled back, as she revealed all the things Shyam had said. She was deathly pale. Shyam had told them everything. And they hadn't believed it. They trusted her, their upbringing so much that they didn't even for a moment doubt her. How was she ever to face them? As if the shame she had brought on them was not enough, she was now the cause of her own father's weak heart. In one moment of pride she had thrown away all. If only she had heeded to her conscience then may be, may be...but alas she hadn't, she had let pride and passion get the better of her. They had always been her weakness; it was a matter of insult to her if she couldn't stick to her words and so when Shyam had suggested her trust in him to be empty words it had driven all caution out and then when things had escalated passion had taken over before she could have stopped it or him.
But what was the point in dwelling over what had happened, she couldn't change it. What she could do was stop hiding the truth from her family. For she wasn't a liar and she wouldn't live with that title, even if it meant losing everyone she loved. She had never lied to them before and she wouldn't start now. But how was she supposed to say it. They trusted her so much, even now, they were angry about his words and fussing over her:
'See...this is why I wasn't telling you, just look at yourself. You look ghostly.' Bua ji exclaimed.
While Amma chided, 'Oh Khushi sit down, bitya. You must feel awful. I know I can see it in your eyes. But bitya, just forget what he said, he's a mad man, none of us believe him. He can say what he likes, we know our bitya is pure, kind and caring. Nothing like what he has suggested.' At this Khushi finally broke and began crying. They were so far from the truth, it killed her inside. They had full faith in her when she deserved none of it. She clutched at her sides and howled in agony, for the torture her actions had put them in and would continue to after she revealed the truth.
'Khushi!!' all three of them exclaimed in alarm as they rushed to her shaking frame on the lounge floor.
'No bitya, no...don't cry like this. You have done nothing wrong...no one believes this rubbish.' Amma cooed.
'Khushi...dear sshhh...sshh...I know, I know it must hurt, he broke your heart already by betraying you and now a new betrayal through his words...we understand, but its' going to be ok honey, DM will deal with him for saying such foul things, you'll see he'll get his comeuppance. He will, believe in the Goddess, dear. Trust Her and then you'll see how you overcome this pain too.' Bua ji counseled.
'Khushi...sshh...its' going to be ok. Sshh...sshhh.' Payal patted her, as she took her in her arms, from Garima's, for she knew Khushi's pain better than either of the women. Hence she had readily accepted upon their decision to not tell Khushi anything about Shyam's visit.
'Bitya...' both Amma and Bua ji continued to console her, but Khushi couldn't take it anymore. She didn't deserve their love, not after what she had done. Not after she had betrayed them all. Not after she was responsible for Shashi's state. She raised her head out of Payal's bossom and turned to face them, tears still flowing from her guilt-ridden eyes.
'Amm-mm-a...B-bbuuajiii' she sobbed, 'he...he- she started.
'Khushi ssshhh...don't...' Payal advised, realizing what Khushi was about to reveal.
'Ji-ji...I...I have to...I cannot not tell th-them...its been ee-ating at me eversince...th-they d-deserve to knooow...' she reasoned.
'Khushi...' Payal pleaded, not wanting her sister to have to face Garima and Madhumathi's wrath. She had seen how much Khushi hated herself for what she had done, knew how much she had lost, knew how much she had repented, but they hadn't and they wouldn't see any of it, not right now. They would only see her betrayal, just like Aakash had.
'A-amma...' Khushi went on, she understood Payal's hesitation in telling them, especially now considering she wasn't pregnant, they could easily lie and say Shyam was lying, but Khushi couldn't do that. She didn't have the heart to lie to anyone and this was her family, she couldn't lie to them, her hiding the truth for this long was bad enough. Now that they had stumbled upon the truth it was time she owned up to it instead of outright lie and keep them in the dark. That was against her teachings, she was not a coward and she never would be. If she had defended her honor that night in front of Shyam and slept with him just to prove she trusted him then she would fight for that very honor and prevail the truth to her family, even if it meant her losing them. She would learn to live without them but she wouldn't live with a lie, with keeping them under a lie.
'A-amma he...Shyam...' she began again.
'Yes, my bitya, I know he is a treacherous man.'
'No..no...' she shook her head, as more tears, meandered down her cheek. 'A-ammma he...he wasn't lying...he...he-
'Hunh? Yes dear, we know he lied, you don't have to explain to us, we know you darling, he's the liar, yes, yes, we know.' Amma replied, having misheard Khushi due to her sobs.
Khushi shook her head vigorously again, 'No...no Amma, he isn't...he told the truth...I...I did...I sle-ept with hi-immm...' Khushi blubbered, into her hands.
Amma and Buaji were both silent. They looked at each other, than at Payal, whose tearful face told them that what Khushi had just uttered was the truth. Horrified both let go of Khushi, unable to accept what she had stated. How could their daughter, their own daughter do something like that? But if she hadn't then why would she say so...
'Khushi...Khushi...look it at me...what are you saying...are you saying what that man said is true...that you...' Bua ji gripped her hard and shook her, studying her face to see any part of it that may suggest that what she had said wasn't the truth, that somehow they had misheard her that they had misread Payal and her face. But her red eyes only echoed her words more clearly. Stung by the truth in her face she let go of her, 'Garima...Garima, what is our daughter saying, what is she saying Garima...' Bua ji asked in disbelief.
But Garima herself was in shock, she couldn't wrap her head around what Khushi had said. How could it be? Not her Khushi, no something was terribly wrong. It was her turn to charge up to Khushi and question her. 'Khushi,' she said softly, but Khushi didn't turn towards her, she couldn't. She'd manage to muster only enough courage to say the truth, she didn't have anymore to face her mother. 'Khushi! Look at me,' she said louder, 'I said look at me!!' she forced her to face her. 'Did you do this?!! Is this the truth?!! What you said, is it?!!'
'Yes.' She managed between her tears.
SLAP!!
Garima's hand acted on its' own accord, before she even knew it, it had swung up and across Khushi's face, leaving the skin red where it had come in contact with. Heaving and appaled at her daughter and what her own hand had done she moved away from Khushi.
'A-aamma...' Khushi tried to crawl near her, but Garima turned away and Khushi drooped into her shoulders' once again.
'Insolent child!!' Bua ji blared, her disbelief now turning into rage. 'First you dare to besmirch your own dignity and then have the audacity to broadcast it in front of us!! Have you no decency? No decorum?!! Have forgotten all your teachings?!! To sit here, in front of us and tell us of your illicit activities. Despicable!!'
'Bua ji...' Payal cried out.
'No. Don't stop me! You have always defended her. Covered up all her mistakes, but you can't hide this, stains like these don't just get covered up they end up besmirching anything that comes into contact with it. Like it has done to your father and now will do to us. Oh when everyone will find out, what will they say, what will they do...oh Garima, what has she done!! Why Khushi?!! Why did you do it?' she asked, now anger fizzled into sadness. 'Why? Didn't you once stop to think what you were doing, how it would affect us all?!! How it would affect you? How you would become an outcast in society!'
'Bua ji...I...' but what could she say. Of course she hadn't thought of it, why would she have, she had only trusted the man who had showered her with love, never even stopping to think that it was all an illusion that would go away when she had given him his trophy: her virginity. She had trusted him and he had wronged her. In every way possible.
'Let it be Jiji. There must have been some deficiency in my love, in my upbringing that led her to do this. May be I didn't treat her right, may be I didn't fill the role of a mother properly that's why she took this step...' Garima said in a hollow voice.
Khushi's head snapped up at this. She wiped her tears, dragged herself onto her feet and scrambled towards her mother, 'No Amma...please no, don't say that. You showered me with immense love. You did everything right. Please, please don't blame yourself for my sin. Please.'
'How can I not? For what else would have led you to do something so stupid, so dishonorable?' Amma asked. It was ironic, Khushi thought, how the very thing she had done to protect her honor was now the reason for her dishonor. Life certainly loved to play games with her. 'Huh...' Garima uttered a wry laugh, 'You have no answer. How could you, when I asserted it myself. It is my fault, I wasn't a good mother. May be, may be if Didi had raised you then...oh how will I ever face her. Her daughter, her bundle of joy that I led astray. Oh Didi I'm so sorry. So so sorry...I have failed you...' with that Garima left Khushi ashen faced in the lounge. Further broken by the thought that her mother felt she had failed.
The next day Khushi had taken the first train back to Delhi. Not having the heart to come in front of her mother and aunt after having disappointed them so immensely. They didn't stop her, Garima to hurt by her and Madhumathi too angry with her. Thus she boarded the train, even though Payal had tried to stop her, telling her to stay, but she couldn't not when she was the reason for their grief. She told Payal to stay as they would need her around the house to take care of them and Shashi. That was the chaotic story of the past few days, which she now recalled in her bedroom at Shantivan. Her heart full with grief and guilt for her crime. She hated herself for bringing such pain to her family. It tortured her how she could do nothing to give them relief, for it had been her who had given them the heartache.
'What's this Khushi?' Khushi's eyes snapped open to find a hazy Anjali standing before her. Anjali wiped away her tears and sat down next to her. 'I thought you would be happy now that your father is out of the hospital and out of danger. But here I find you in tears.'
'I...uh..' what was she supposed to say? Even though Anjali knew everything about her and Shyam she didn't know how to tell her, how that relationship was responsible for her father's ailment and her family's sorrow.
'I know, you must have been busy being the strong one there, hence would have hid your own pain. Its' ok. You can let it out here. I'm here for you.' Khushi required no more invitation and she let out her heart's woes in Anjali's lap.
*****
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