The contact was sensational. It blew his mind away, he forgot why he had felt the need to kiss and wondered why he never had before. The only thought that was in his dazed mind was of how this should not end. It was heavenly and he wanted it to last forever. He had not intended to explore her mouth, but now needed to as his kiss grew from professional to passionate. His hand left her wrist and traveled to her waist and behind until it found the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, while the other went from the nape of the neck to its back where it cradled her head and buried its' long fingers inside the depths of her silky soft hair. He pressed his body closer as he ventured further into her mouth, wanting to taste every part of it. She was delicious.
After what felt like hours, he pulled out of the kiss, as the need to breathe trumped the need to stay lost in the folds of her mouth. It was then, when he finally came out panting that he realized what he had just done. He stared at her in shock while she did too. Not understanding what had caused the sudden violation. It took him a few moments to remember why he had kissed her. When his haze cleared, he instantly glanced up to see in the reflection if the men were still there. They weren't, they were long gone, since he couldn't even spot them outside in the lobby. His kiss had called off their last try. Good.
Pleased with himself for having gotten rid of them without getting into any sort a spat he returned to look at her and his smile dropped. Her face was still etched with the trauma of his onslaught. Reminding him of what had just transpired between them and he stumbled back, away from her. Oh God, he had kissed her. He had kissed her. She hadn't, for her limbs had gone into shock the moment his lips came into contact with hers', but he had kissed herand he had liked it. Crap. What had he done?!! The very thing he had promised himself he wouldn't do, he had done. He had promised himself he would never be with another woman and especially not with her and now not only had he kissed her, he had initiated it and enjoyed it. In one reckless moment he had betrayed Lavanya and his mother.Unable to stand there in front of her as guilt churned inside of him, he turned on his heel and left her standing there staring after him, reeling from the blow he had given her.
When the elevator door shut and he was no longer visible her knees buckled and she slid down to the floor. It was as though the closing doors of the elevator had somehow jolted sensation back inside of her, but the sudden onslaught of her weight along with her shock caused her to slump. What had just happened? Arnav Singh Raizada had kissed her...he had kissed her. How dare he? How dare he violate her? A tear escaped her eye, as she thought about what he had done. What did he think, that just because she had been willing to share a room with him she would be willing to share her body too?!! No way!! She was not that woman, who would just let anyone force himself upon her. She had morals and feelings too and no one had a right to play with them. She had suffered the consequences once already by not listening to them, she had no intention of reliving them again, the trauma, the insanity had been enough for a lifetime.
No way would she ever let a man come near her that way again. She had vowed to the Goddess, her parents and herself that she would never expose herself in that manner again, never give into a man's demands that way. Was she not still reeling from the consequences of that disaster, that now he had unleashed his desires upon her. Well she didn't care what he felt or wanted from her, she would not compromise herself ever again. She would not betray her vow. She had already paid the consequence of believing a man who claimed to love her, she would not be a fool and believe it again. Even if he did love her; he must otherwise he would not have kissed her in that manner. So what if he did, she did not. Yes she had shown care for him, but that was because of Anjali and Nani, she loved and respected them dearly and it was due to them she cared for Arnav too, as he meant so much to them, devilish as he was to her, he was their angel; it was for that reason only, she had expressed concern, no other. She wasn't stupid, she knew there was no love for her. She had long put away those dreams of love and happily ever afters'. She had lost the right to those dreams the night she had given into Shyam's demands. So why was he prying them open now and that too in the most dishonourable way? If he loved her, then why hurt the person you love? Why kiss her without asking, why expose her in front of the whole world to see? No, that was not done. It was unacceptable: him kissing her without her permission in a public area. After all this time had he not learned even this much about her, that she didn't appreciate any sort of physical contact with a man, so public display of affection was a long way off. No, this was intolerable and she wouldn't take it. He would have to answer for it.
Wiping away her tears, she stood up decisively. She would not let him get away with this. He had made her break her vow to herself, the vow she had made in front of her parents and God. He had kissed her without taking the sacred vows around the fire, he had desecrated her and she would not stand for it. The world may not see her as a "pure" woman and therefore may say she no longer possessed the right to being prude, but in her mind the world could say whatever it wanted, because in her mind she had every right to stand up against harassment. Just because she was no longer a virgin it didn't give men the right to tramp all over her, she wasn't dispensible: something they could use and then throw away. She was woman; who had a heart. A heart that had repented her crime zealously, a heart that cried day and night over the sin she had committed in it's name, a heart that had lost too much already and now her dignity was on the line too. No she wasn't going to let him take that away from her. She would not let him do that to her. He would have to answer to her and he would have to understand that just because he was interested in being her prince she had no interest in being his princess, especially not in this manner. Her mind made, her heart seething, she marched to the lift to unleash the storm within on him, unaware of the hailstorm that awaited her instead.
After what felt like hours, he pulled out of the kiss, as the need to breathe trumped the need to stay lost in the folds of her mouth. It was then, when he finally came out panting that he realized what he had just done. He stared at her in shock while she did too. Not understanding what had caused the sudden violation. It took him a few moments to remember why he had kissed her. When his haze cleared, he instantly glanced up to see in the reflection if the men were still there. They weren't, they were long gone, since he couldn't even spot them outside in the lobby. His kiss had called off their last try. Good.
Pleased with himself for having gotten rid of them without getting into any sort a spat he returned to look at her and his smile dropped. Her face was still etched with the trauma of his onslaught. Reminding him of what had just transpired between them and he stumbled back, away from her. Oh God, he had kissed her. He had kissed her. She hadn't, for her limbs had gone into shock the moment his lips came into contact with hers', but he had kissed herand he had liked it. Crap. What had he done?!! The very thing he had promised himself he wouldn't do, he had done. He had promised himself he would never be with another woman and especially not with her and now not only had he kissed her, he had initiated it and enjoyed it. In one reckless moment he had betrayed Lavanya and his mother.Unable to stand there in front of her as guilt churned inside of him, he turned on his heel and left her standing there staring after him, reeling from the blow he had given her.
When the elevator door shut and he was no longer visible her knees buckled and she slid down to the floor. It was as though the closing doors of the elevator had somehow jolted sensation back inside of her, but the sudden onslaught of her weight along with her shock caused her to slump. What had just happened? Arnav Singh Raizada had kissed her...he had kissed her. How dare he? How dare he violate her? A tear escaped her eye, as she thought about what he had done. What did he think, that just because she had been willing to share a room with him she would be willing to share her body too?!! No way!! She was not that woman, who would just let anyone force himself upon her. She had morals and feelings too and no one had a right to play with them. She had suffered the consequences once already by not listening to them, she had no intention of reliving them again, the trauma, the insanity had been enough for a lifetime.
No way would she ever let a man come near her that way again. She had vowed to the Goddess, her parents and herself that she would never expose herself in that manner again, never give into a man's demands that way. Was she not still reeling from the consequences of that disaster, that now he had unleashed his desires upon her. Well she didn't care what he felt or wanted from her, she would not compromise herself ever again. She would not betray her vow. She had already paid the consequence of believing a man who claimed to love her, she would not be a fool and believe it again. Even if he did love her; he must otherwise he would not have kissed her in that manner. So what if he did, she did not. Yes she had shown care for him, but that was because of Anjali and Nani, she loved and respected them dearly and it was due to them she cared for Arnav too, as he meant so much to them, devilish as he was to her, he was their angel; it was for that reason only, she had expressed concern, no other. She wasn't stupid, she knew there was no love for her. She had long put away those dreams of love and happily ever afters'. She had lost the right to those dreams the night she had given into Shyam's demands. So why was he prying them open now and that too in the most dishonourable way? If he loved her, then why hurt the person you love? Why kiss her without asking, why expose her in front of the whole world to see? No, that was not done. It was unacceptable: him kissing her without her permission in a public area. After all this time had he not learned even this much about her, that she didn't appreciate any sort of physical contact with a man, so public display of affection was a long way off. No, this was intolerable and she wouldn't take it. He would have to answer for it.
Wiping away her tears, she stood up decisively. She would not let him get away with this. He had made her break her vow to herself, the vow she had made in front of her parents and God. He had kissed her without taking the sacred vows around the fire, he had desecrated her and she would not stand for it. The world may not see her as a "pure" woman and therefore may say she no longer possessed the right to being prude, but in her mind the world could say whatever it wanted, because in her mind she had every right to stand up against harassment. Just because she was no longer a virgin it didn't give men the right to tramp all over her, she wasn't dispensible: something they could use and then throw away. She was woman; who had a heart. A heart that had repented her crime zealously, a heart that cried day and night over the sin she had committed in it's name, a heart that had lost too much already and now her dignity was on the line too. No she wasn't going to let him take that away from her. She would not let him do that to her. He would have to answer to her and he would have to understand that just because he was interested in being her prince she had no interest in being his princess, especially not in this manner. Her mind made, her heart seething, she marched to the lift to unleash the storm within on him, unaware of the hailstorm that awaited her instead.
What had he just let happen? How could he slip up in this way? And with her out of all the women in this world, why her?!! No. He couldn't let this happen ever again. He would have to get better control over himself. He was a loyal man, he wasn't his father. He wouldn't betray Lavanya. So what if she was no longer with him, he would remain hers' and hers' only had he not promised himself that? Giving into this would only mean what Lavanya had accused him of on her death-day, of how he wasn't in love with her, how she was only his habit, not his love.
'ASR why are you marrying me?' She had asked when he met her in the hall, as they were about to leave for dinner.
'What kind of a question is that Lavanya?'
'Just answer it ASR.' She asked again, a note of sadness in her voice, while a hint of hope lingered init, hope that what she was thinking was not true.
'Lavanya, I'm marrying you cause your right for me, cause I trust you. Ok? Now can we get going, I made the reservation for eight-thirty and its' already eight.' He said as he grabbed her hand and began walking.
'No.' Her voice was hollow now, the shimmer of hope that had been there gone.
'What? Why not? What's this - why are you crying?' He turned and cupped her face as the tears slid down her cheeks. 'Lavanya what is it? Did Di say something?' He asked trying to to think what his sister could have possibly said while he finished his call and she kept her company.
She shook her head. 'Then what is it?'
'Do you even love me ASR?'
'Wha-?' He stared at her, confused by her questions 'Lavanya-
'Save it. I got my answer, you can't even say yes, let alone the three words...oh how I've been fooling myself...' She started shaking as tears came in full flow now.
'Lavanya what is the matter with you? What has brought this on, what is the point of asking these questions, of course I do otherwise I wouldn't be marrying you...' He said exasperatedly.
'No...no you don't...your not marrying me because you love me ASR, your marrying me because you are afraid to lose me...oh its' all so clear now, how I didn't see it then I don't know...'
'Lavanya, what are you talking about? What is so clear, explain it to me because nothing is clear to me. You seem to be on a completely different tangent...'
'This ASR...' She pointed to the ring on her finger, he stared at it blankly.
'What about it?'
'It wasn't for me was it?' She asked, hurt in her eyes. 'Answer me!'
'No, but how does it matter and how do you even know this?'
'How does it matter...ASR if I hadn't mistaken Di's gift for an engagement ring would you have even proposed to me?'
Oh Di must have recognized the ring. 'Lavanya...' he stressed. 'Yeah...ok... fine the ring wasn't for you, but who cares...you wanted it right so its' yours...you want to get married I'm doing that, why are you acting up so much just because I hadn't intended to propose, how does it matter how the proposal came about, all that matters is that it did and we are getting married.'
'ASR how can you even say that? Do you not see how wrong it is? You're not marrying me because you want to, because you love me, but because I want to, because in your eyes I am right for you... how is that right, how is that fair on me?'
'Lavanya I don't understand. I thought you were the one who wanted this, so why are you complaining? What does it matter that I didn't want it before, I want it now don't I?'
'And why do you want it ASR? Why do you want to marry me?' She asked again.
'Urgh...Because...because you're right for me. How many times are you going ask me this question Lavanya, I've already answered it, its' because I can trust you, because I know you and because you want it. Saitisfied? Now can we go?'
'Hah...' She gave a wry laugh, 'you still don't get it...after all this you still can't say it and that's because you don't. It's high time I stopped fooling myself. You don't love me ASR, you're only marrying me because I'm your friend, your very good friend. A friend you care for dearly and so would never want to hurt, therefore are doing what she wants...but ASR I don't want this, I don't want you to marry me out of an obligation, or fear of hurting me or losing me. I don't want to be your wife because I'm your habit ASR, I want to be your wife because you love me, which you clearly don't...' She succumbed to the floor in her beautiful black gown, as the reality of her relationship with him finally sunk in.
'Lavanya...I...you...this is all nonsense...your making a big deal out of nothing. Just because I didn't buy the ring for you doesn't mean I don't care about you or that you're not important to me ok? So stop all this doubting and let's get going ok?' He said as he stretched out his hand to her, but she didn't take it; she looked at it and then at him.
'I never doubted your care for me ASR, you do care, too much and that's the problem.'
'What?' He exhaled irritably. 'Since when has caring become a crime?'
'Its' not a crime, but rather a very slippery emotion that can fool us into thinking something that's not there. Like it fooled me and you. You don't love me but rather care for me ASR. You're not in love with me and maybe you never were.' She got up and faced him sadly. 'ASR this isn't love, don't fool yourself like I have all this time. This, us, we're a beautiful friendship, but not love and its' time we gave it, its' proper name.'
'Lavanya-
'No. It's ok. I have no bad feeling towards you. It's not your fault, its' mine I let myself believe something was there when it wasn't, even though it was written clearly on your face I just didn't wish to see it, only now it's flashing before me in high definition and I can't blur it out anymore. It's not right on you or me. So here, I release you from this engagement.' She took off the ring and placed it in his palm, along with something she had not intended to give, a tear. He stared at it, not believing what was happening.
'Lav-
'No. Sshhh. Listen, it's ok, I know you don't understand yet but you will one day, when the right girl comes along and whisks your heart away, that day you will understand what love is and that this was not it. When that day comes ASR act upon your feelings, don't let her go, because love is beautiful. When it happens to you give it a chance, if not for your sake then mine, because it will change your world. It will heal your heart, something I haven't been able to do and complete you. If you really do trust me then take heed of my words ASR. Give love a chance.' With that she closed the gap between them, placed her lips on his cheeks as she whispered 'Goodbye ASR.' With that she turned and left, leaving him standing in the hall trying to get his head around what exactly had happened in the last fifteen minutes that had lead to his whole life to fall to bits. When he had come to his senses he had run after her but she was long gone. He tried her number desperately only get voice-mail until finally someone answered to deliver him the devastating news of her accident. When he had seen her mangled body in the morgue, the pain that pierced his heart had convinced him that Lavanya had been wrong, that he did love her, only he would never be able to tell her that, which made his heart sink further in guilt for hurting her in the final moments of her life.
And he had hurt her again today. By letting Khushi Kumari Gupta succeed in her illustrious designs. By kissing her he had proven Lavanya's fear to be correct; but no, he would not let it become the truth, for he knew better did he not? Lavanya had been wrong, just because he had never said the three damned words didn't mean he didn't love her, it just meant that he wasn't very expressive. Plus the way her death broke him was clear evidence of his love was it not, no Lavanya had been wrong, he may not have gotten the chance to show it to Lavanya but he would show it to Khushi. He would let her know that he was in love with Lavanya and she and her antics stood no chance in front of his love. He despised her and loved Lavanya and it was high time he made it clear to her otherwise she would continue to purse him and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to bear her unconventional behavior.
He was not like other men, he hated her kind. He preferred to be alone, if he could not have a lifetime partner, rather then conduct numerous affairs. That was not his thing, he was not his father and he wouldn't let Khushi make him become him. He continued to pace his suite as thoughts about Khushi further infuriated him. He hated how he lost control over his self-control in her surroundings. How her mere presence made him do things he would have never done, especially when she was in some sort of danger, how that made all caution fly right out of his mind. He hated her and her affects. She was a witch of woman, who put him under her spell whenever she came close enough, but he would have to start staying alert in her surroundings, he couldn't afford to let his guard down even a milimetre, for she would tear it down completely with her ways. No, he would -
'What the-?!!!' He reeled around to find a flushed Khushi standing in his doorway. His already rage filled heart now went into overpower, finding her invading his privacy in such a manner.
Fuming, she stared at him. Eyes scarlet with anger, fist bawled in fury and cheeks gleaming murder. She had seen the light on in his room and his shadow pacing that was invitation enough for her to come barging into his room. Not that she would have stopped if the lights had been out. The way she saw it, if he didn't chose to respect her boundary then neither would she.
'ASR why are you marrying me?' She had asked when he met her in the hall, as they were about to leave for dinner.
'What kind of a question is that Lavanya?'
'Just answer it ASR.' She asked again, a note of sadness in her voice, while a hint of hope lingered init, hope that what she was thinking was not true.
'Lavanya, I'm marrying you cause your right for me, cause I trust you. Ok? Now can we get going, I made the reservation for eight-thirty and its' already eight.' He said as he grabbed her hand and began walking.
'No.' Her voice was hollow now, the shimmer of hope that had been there gone.
'What? Why not? What's this - why are you crying?' He turned and cupped her face as the tears slid down her cheeks. 'Lavanya what is it? Did Di say something?' He asked trying to to think what his sister could have possibly said while he finished his call and she kept her company.
She shook her head. 'Then what is it?'
'Do you even love me ASR?'
'Wha-?' He stared at her, confused by her questions 'Lavanya-
'Save it. I got my answer, you can't even say yes, let alone the three words...oh how I've been fooling myself...' She started shaking as tears came in full flow now.
'Lavanya what is the matter with you? What has brought this on, what is the point of asking these questions, of course I do otherwise I wouldn't be marrying you...' He said exasperatedly.
'No...no you don't...your not marrying me because you love me ASR, your marrying me because you are afraid to lose me...oh its' all so clear now, how I didn't see it then I don't know...'
'Lavanya, what are you talking about? What is so clear, explain it to me because nothing is clear to me. You seem to be on a completely different tangent...'
'This ASR...' She pointed to the ring on her finger, he stared at it blankly.
'What about it?'
'It wasn't for me was it?' She asked, hurt in her eyes. 'Answer me!'
'No, but how does it matter and how do you even know this?'
'How does it matter...ASR if I hadn't mistaken Di's gift for an engagement ring would you have even proposed to me?'
Oh Di must have recognized the ring. 'Lavanya...' he stressed. 'Yeah...ok... fine the ring wasn't for you, but who cares...you wanted it right so its' yours...you want to get married I'm doing that, why are you acting up so much just because I hadn't intended to propose, how does it matter how the proposal came about, all that matters is that it did and we are getting married.'
'ASR how can you even say that? Do you not see how wrong it is? You're not marrying me because you want to, because you love me, but because I want to, because in your eyes I am right for you... how is that right, how is that fair on me?'
'Lavanya I don't understand. I thought you were the one who wanted this, so why are you complaining? What does it matter that I didn't want it before, I want it now don't I?'
'And why do you want it ASR? Why do you want to marry me?' She asked again.
'Urgh...Because...because you're right for me. How many times are you going ask me this question Lavanya, I've already answered it, its' because I can trust you, because I know you and because you want it. Saitisfied? Now can we go?'
'Hah...' She gave a wry laugh, 'you still don't get it...after all this you still can't say it and that's because you don't. It's high time I stopped fooling myself. You don't love me ASR, you're only marrying me because I'm your friend, your very good friend. A friend you care for dearly and so would never want to hurt, therefore are doing what she wants...but ASR I don't want this, I don't want you to marry me out of an obligation, or fear of hurting me or losing me. I don't want to be your wife because I'm your habit ASR, I want to be your wife because you love me, which you clearly don't...' She succumbed to the floor in her beautiful black gown, as the reality of her relationship with him finally sunk in.
'Lavanya...I...you...this is all nonsense...your making a big deal out of nothing. Just because I didn't buy the ring for you doesn't mean I don't care about you or that you're not important to me ok? So stop all this doubting and let's get going ok?' He said as he stretched out his hand to her, but she didn't take it; she looked at it and then at him.
'I never doubted your care for me ASR, you do care, too much and that's the problem.'
'What?' He exhaled irritably. 'Since when has caring become a crime?'
'Its' not a crime, but rather a very slippery emotion that can fool us into thinking something that's not there. Like it fooled me and you. You don't love me but rather care for me ASR. You're not in love with me and maybe you never were.' She got up and faced him sadly. 'ASR this isn't love, don't fool yourself like I have all this time. This, us, we're a beautiful friendship, but not love and its' time we gave it, its' proper name.'
'Lavanya-
'No. It's ok. I have no bad feeling towards you. It's not your fault, its' mine I let myself believe something was there when it wasn't, even though it was written clearly on your face I just didn't wish to see it, only now it's flashing before me in high definition and I can't blur it out anymore. It's not right on you or me. So here, I release you from this engagement.' She took off the ring and placed it in his palm, along with something she had not intended to give, a tear. He stared at it, not believing what was happening.
'Lav-
'No. Sshhh. Listen, it's ok, I know you don't understand yet but you will one day, when the right girl comes along and whisks your heart away, that day you will understand what love is and that this was not it. When that day comes ASR act upon your feelings, don't let her go, because love is beautiful. When it happens to you give it a chance, if not for your sake then mine, because it will change your world. It will heal your heart, something I haven't been able to do and complete you. If you really do trust me then take heed of my words ASR. Give love a chance.' With that she closed the gap between them, placed her lips on his cheeks as she whispered 'Goodbye ASR.' With that she turned and left, leaving him standing in the hall trying to get his head around what exactly had happened in the last fifteen minutes that had lead to his whole life to fall to bits. When he had come to his senses he had run after her but she was long gone. He tried her number desperately only get voice-mail until finally someone answered to deliver him the devastating news of her accident. When he had seen her mangled body in the morgue, the pain that pierced his heart had convinced him that Lavanya had been wrong, that he did love her, only he would never be able to tell her that, which made his heart sink further in guilt for hurting her in the final moments of her life.
And he had hurt her again today. By letting Khushi Kumari Gupta succeed in her illustrious designs. By kissing her he had proven Lavanya's fear to be correct; but no, he would not let it become the truth, for he knew better did he not? Lavanya had been wrong, just because he had never said the three damned words didn't mean he didn't love her, it just meant that he wasn't very expressive. Plus the way her death broke him was clear evidence of his love was it not, no Lavanya had been wrong, he may not have gotten the chance to show it to Lavanya but he would show it to Khushi. He would let her know that he was in love with Lavanya and she and her antics stood no chance in front of his love. He despised her and loved Lavanya and it was high time he made it clear to her otherwise she would continue to purse him and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to bear her unconventional behavior.
He was not like other men, he hated her kind. He preferred to be alone, if he could not have a lifetime partner, rather then conduct numerous affairs. That was not his thing, he was not his father and he wouldn't let Khushi make him become him. He continued to pace his suite as thoughts about Khushi further infuriated him. He hated how he lost control over his self-control in her surroundings. How her mere presence made him do things he would have never done, especially when she was in some sort of danger, how that made all caution fly right out of his mind. He hated her and her affects. She was a witch of woman, who put him under her spell whenever she came close enough, but he would have to start staying alert in her surroundings, he couldn't afford to let his guard down even a milimetre, for she would tear it down completely with her ways. No, he would -
'What the-?!!!' He reeled around to find a flushed Khushi standing in his doorway. His already rage filled heart now went into overpower, finding her invading his privacy in such a manner.
Fuming, she stared at him. Eyes scarlet with anger, fist bawled in fury and cheeks gleaming murder. She had seen the light on in his room and his shadow pacing that was invitation enough for her to come barging into his room. Not that she would have stopped if the lights had been out. The way she saw it, if he didn't chose to respect her boundary then neither would she.
*****
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