Khushi succumbed onto one of the deck-chairs next to the pool, as she stared into the calm blue water at the reflection of the moon above in the heavens. She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come. She wanted to yell, but her voice was lost somewhere inside of her. She wanted to grieve, but her body was too tired to to even emit that emotion. She was tired, upset and hurt, but no one saw it, or if they did they turned their head away and ignored it, because they didn’t understand so figured ignoring it would make it go away instead of trying to comprehend her pain or at least respect it. But they didn’t want to, because they wanted her happiness, which they believed was in Arnav, only they were wrong, He didn’t make her happy, he only hurt her. They thought this marriage would heal her, but this union was only tearing her unhealed wounds further. Why couldn’t they see, her happiness wasn’t in marriage but rather in her family? She was happy with them, she didn’t need the illusion that love was. She had tried love and it had only brought severe pain, along with a multitude of problems on her and her family, then why were they forcing her to give it another chance? They said this time it was right, this time she wouldn’t receive any pain, Arnav would never hurt her, yet he already was. So how could that be possible? They had been wrong before, she had been wrong before, so what was the guarantee they would be right this time? None. But still they were adamant on proceeding, because according to them she was incomplete. Why? Why did it have to be that only a man, a husband could complete a woman? Why couldn’t she be complete with just her family and friends?
‘Why?’ she sighed out aloud, to no one in particular, for she sat alone. The rest of the family and guests were in side, celebrating her and Arnav’s enagement function in the grandly decorated Raizada foyer. She had made her way out after the rings had been exchanged and Arnav had announced their upcoming wedding to the whole media, as well as friends, family and co-workers that had gathered to celebrate the commencement of their union.
She looked down at her left hand that now wore a cold, diamond-studded platinum ring; a foreign piece of jewel, which increased the weight of her hand ten-fold and the stress in her mind, infinitimly. She fiddled with it, as she recalled the last time something so rare and gorgeous had adorned her left-ring finger. It was the tumultuous night Shyam’s truth had come out, not to mention the very same night she had met with her next husband to be, Arnav. She gave out a coarse laugh at how, the day she freed herself from Shyam’s engagement, was the very day she had fallen into the hands of her next fiancée (quite literally), how ironic was that? Or was it destiny? Who knew? All she knew was that she didn’t like the feeling she had gotten when wearing that ring, or this one. She didn’t trust it or the false promise it represented.
Adjusting the ring, continuously on her finger, she recalled how the evening had begun and how she had foolishly thought it would end without her being shackled by this metal-and-stone ring. Ten minutes after arriving she had hauled Arnav away from the family to the very poolside she now sat on, to berate him on a new discovery, armed with the childish belief that it would aid her in making him back away from the attachment and bring an end to her misery.
‘Khushi? Are you trying to take advantage of me? I know you find me very sexy, but I didn’t think you would be the one to make the first move?’ Arnav teased her, as in her hurry to end the night even before it began she had yanked on his arm, very much in the manner he generally did and had dragged him to the poolside, where she now pinned him to the wall with her stare. He had come without restraint, out shock of being escorted out by her in this manner rather then any physical ability on her part. His well-intended jibe, made her colour and he instantly reprimanded himself for saying it without even stopping to think how it may make her feel, especially with her past.
She took a step back from him and for some time kept her gaze glued to the grayish-red pavement, which they stood upon. ‘Khushi…’ he began, trying to think up of a way to get rid of the awkward moment. ‘I…uh…I didn’t mean to ….umm …hey, so I’m guessing there was something you wished to say to me?’ he reminded her, realising there was nothing he really could say to cover up the damage done and only bringing her back to the topic for which she had pulled him away from their families and the few the guests who had arrived would override the awkwardness. He was right, her head snapped up at it and she was the Khushi-on-a-mission again.
‘I know the truth Arnav ji. I know what you did. Did you really think you could hide it from me? You knew how I would feel about it, thus all the secrecy around it. But when you knew I would not appreciate it, you butting into my personal matters, then how could you?!! You who claim to know me so well, how could you do it? What made you think that I wouldn’t mind it Arnav ji?!!’ she stormed, as Arnav stared at her, rattling his brain trying to understand, exactly what truth she was talking about. What truth had she uncovered, that would make her so angry? Then it hit him. Sh*t, had she heard more than he had thought the other day in the study when she had brought over the witch-doctor to “cure” him? Had she put two-and-two together? Damnit! He should have been more careful, although he had thought he had hid his plan well, but clearly he hadn’t? How was he going to explain his way out of this? Khushi was right, he knew that she wouldn’t appreciate it, that’s why he had kept it a secret. He knew neither Anjali nor Khushi would understand his need to avenge her, being the pure-hearted women they were. But for him it was a necessity, it was about Khushi’s respect and anything concerned with her was a matter of top priority for him.
‘Khushi….I…please just listen. Hear me out, I have my reasons-‘ Arnav began, trying to pull his reasons together and assemble them in a manner that would allow Khushi to understand his side.
‘No! You listen to me! What were you thinking? After everything I said to you about the NHC matter and how I don’t appreciate other’s carrying out my responsibilities, you still went and brought this house for me?!! What were you thinking, really Arnav ji?!! Why would you do that?!’ She cried out, hurt by his actions.
The day before, whilst watering the plants in the garden, she had slipped, a normal feat for her and had landed on top of one the pots, which broke. As she got on to her feet and began tidying the mess created by the soil and the broken pieces of the clay pot she found a name inscribed on one of the pieces. After joining the broken pieces together she read the name, which made her stomache churn into ice. It read Arnav. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, how could his name end up on the underside of a plant pot in her newly rented house. She knew it was his practice to carve his names into the clay pots of his plants, something he had gotten into the habit of doing ever since a child, Anjali had told her. Their mother and he loved gardening and so as a child he had a competition with his mother at who was the better gardener and to decide who they would each plant the same flowers in two different pots and take care of it, the person whose flower was best groomed would win; since then he had been scribing his name into the plant pots to distinguish his pot from his mother’s.
Hence when she saw his name on the particular broken pot, she didn’t understand and then on a hunch went to investigate the bottom of each plant pot in the front and back garden. On all she found his name and then finally understood. He had brought the house, worked on the garden and then told NK to present it as his friend’s family home so that she would rent it, as she would never rent it out if she knew it to be Arnav’s house. What a master-mind? Her blood had boiled at the thought of the plan he had hatched and with the way she had fallen right into the trap. He knew she would love the place, with a gorgeous garden and so had brought it and made the garden a piece out of heaven for her to fall in love with and take the house without asking too many questions about it. He had invaded her personal boundary yet again and she hated him for it! When was he going to stop taking control of her life, why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?!! She stared at him, the anger sweltering inside at making her feel inadequate yet again for not being able to provide for her family. Whilst he stared back, now pure confusion etched in his mind.
‘House? What house? Khushi I didn’t buy any house for you.’ he stated blankly, as he relaxed internally, Khushi had not discovered his plans, his worst fear was not being realized at this moment, but rather Khushi was under some misunderstanding. He could deal with that. ‘I mean if you want I can, I would love to-‘
‘No thank you! And don’t lie to me! I saw your name carved into all the plant pots, like the way you do with all your pots here. So don’t even try telling me that it’s not your house, because I know it is! Why did you do it?! You knew I wouldn’t like it that is why you got Nanhe ji to do your bidding so that I wouldn’t find out. But I did! What do you have to say for yourself!’ She huffed in his face.
What was wrong with him, he knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help smiling, she looked so adorable whilst angry, the way her caramel-eyes brightened with passion, her cheeks warmed with rage and her nose coloured too. She looked like a child, throwing a tantrum so he couldn’t refrain the smile even though it meant her getting more frustrated with him.
‘Am I telling you some joke Arnav ji?! Why are you smiling?! Tell me why did you do it? Why did you buy the house?!’
‘Khushi I didn’t buy any house.’ He replied calmly, still smiling.
‘Seriously, Arnav ji, you are going to try and deny it now. Arnav ji-‘
‘Ssshhhhh.’ Arnav placed his index finger on her lips. ‘Listen. I didn’t buy the house. I didn’t need to Khushi. It belonged to my great-grandfather, than grand-father, than Nani and now-‘
‘You.’ Khushi, slapped away his finger and completed his sentence, irritably. She didn’t know what she was more annoyed about the fact that he had fooled her into renting out his old family home, or the fact that he had dared to quieten her.
‘No, actually. You.’
‘That is what I just said. And I don’t care whether you bought the house or let out your old family home to me. I don’t want it! I don’t want your charity Arnav ji. I can manage to find a house for my family by myself. I don’t need to rent out your house!’
‘Are you done? Now listen. You are not renting out my house. Because, like I explained the house never belonged to me and it still doesn’t. You are not renting out my house, you are renting out your own house.’
‘What? That makes no sense. Why would I rent out my own house? Besides I don’t even own a house, so me renting out my own house is not even possible, for I don’t have a house!’ she asserted, going round and round in her own words.
‘Uh…you do. As of Thursday afternoon. You own a house. The house you are living in, in fact. Congratulations.’ He he added cheerfully.
‘What rubbish? Arnav ji just admit it. This was your doing, that house is your’s!’
‘I will admit it was my doing, but it is not my house. That house never belonged to me and still does not. Like I said it was my Great-Nana’s, then Nana’s, then Nani’s and from this Thursday past, yours’. The house is yours’ Khushi.’ He repeated again.
‘What? How?’
‘See now you have asked the right question. Allow me to explain and get rid of your confusion. Do you recall, signing the release documents in my cabin on Thursday, giving LaANK legal right over your designs?’ she nodded. ‘Well under that pile was another set of court documents. Property papers to be precise. Transferring Nanaji’s property into your name. You signed it and so now it is yours’. See.’ As he related the events, she recalled the morning being discussed, remembering how in her anger at him for calling her she had signed without even bothering to read the papers. Ugh!! She hated him!!
Anger now hitting the roof, she pounced on him, grabbing his collar and shoving him against the wall. ‘ARNAV JI!! HOW COULD YOU?!! YOU TRICKED ME!! YOU…YOU-‘
‘A-ahh.’ He cried, as the full weight of her body slammed them both against the outside wall to his room. His cry and the sudden commotion, brought down her temper, as awkwardness due to the proximity made her nervous. She began to loosen her grip on his collar and move away, when his hands cupped her and held them in place. ‘Don’t. You don’t need to feel awkward Khushi. You have every right on me. I have given you that right, so never shy away from showing your anger on me.’ She just stared at him.
‘Look, truthfully, I hadn’t intended to trick you into signing. My plan was to tell you the truth about the house and ask you take over the property after we were married, hoping then you wouldn’t be as mad for me having over-stepped your boundary and taken a decision for you. I didn’t want to Khushi, I swear, but you needed a house and I had one at disposal so I thought instead of letting it just sit there and rot why not give it to someone who needs it and I would have done it myself, but….but you were so angry with me those days that I knew if I even suggested it you would never even look at the house. Khushi, I swear I didn’t mean any disrespect by it, I understand and esteem your self-respect, I do, even if my actions suggest otherwise. The only reason I stayed quiet and asked NK to intervene, was because I knew you wouldn’t accept my help, but the story NK told you about the house is true, it does belong to his friend’s family, me being that friend and we had been thinking for quite some time to sublet it, when your need for a house arised I figured why not, I trust you and your family to take care of it, that is why I sent NK.
‘And that day in LaANK, my lawyer had just brought over the property papers from court along with your design-release papers and you without looking signed both by the time I saw what you had done I didn’t see the point in stopping you as you had already done it. Albeit I decided to wait after the wedding to tell you about the whole thing, hoping you would approach it with a cooler head then. Khushi, I am sorry, for hurting your feelings, I never meant for them to get hurt. Please believe me when I say that.’
‘Yeah. Well it doesn’t change the fact that they are hurt, Arnav ji and that you are responsible for it, again! But why would you care, if you did, you wouldn’t be doing all of this.’ She gestured towards the house and the ceremony that was about to commence inside. Now he did look hurt by her words. That stung her, she didn’t like hurting him or anyone for that matter but she couldn’t help it, this was the only way she saw a way out of the charade he had prevailed her into.
‘Khushi.’ His voice was husky, from emotion. ‘Khushi, I-‘
‘Here you two love-birds are.’ But at that moment Anjali arrived, ending their conversation. ‘Come on you two, most of the guests are here and Chotay the press have just arrived.’
‘Press?’ Khushi, asked surprised.
‘Yes. Chotay is announcing it to the media today as well, he figured instead of them gate-crashing, he may as well give them an invite thereby keep it civil with them.’ Anjali explained, while Khushi grunted in acknowledgement causing Arnav to further kick himself. Of course Khushi would hate this being publicised and he had known that, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was a public figure, having achieved so much in such few years. Thus he knew if he hadn’t invited them officially they would harass him which would be worse than having them at the engagement. Only the problem was, while Khushi may have accepted this gruffly before, she was in no mood to accept it now after the conversation they had just had, pushing Arnav further away from her on the pebbly-path to win her trust and heart.
Khushi had exacted her revenge on forcing his gratitude on her and announcing their engagement in front of reporters in a small, but to her, only available way. Firstly, she stabbed the engagement ring in his finger instead of placing it sweetly, like he had done when they exchanged the rings. After that when he had forced her to stand with him in front of the media, she had taken her opportunity to highlight their clashing personalities, when a reporter had asked her about the outfit she had chosen to wear on this occasion. The reporter had asked, how often designers wore certain outfits to convey some theme or other and whether she had done that too. She had not; but she took that chance and stated how the three contrasting colours, the sea-blue low-waist lehenga, blood-red blouse and leafy-green dupatta mirrored their relationship for they were as contrasting as the colours: all three very bold colours and very different from the other, neither mixed to make the other. She had stated smugly, only to have Arnav manipulate her words further; she had forgotten if she was good at manipulating words, he was the master manipulator of them. He went on to add that while the three colours differed greatly telling an important fact about their relationship, the copper-gold border that spread across the base of each and united the three colours signified what brought them together: their family, their mutual values and of course their love; making everyone give a warm smile, while Khushi felt a bile invasion in her throat as it climbed out of her abdomen and travelled up her esophagus.
Therefore, after patiently thanking everyone for their kind wishes, she stole herself away from the crowd, as they made their way to the buffet tables for dinner. Turning in the opposite direction to them she made her way to the poolside to find some peace and quiet, to bring strength to her heart and order to her chaotic mind to allow her to deal with everything that was happening. When she thought over what Arnav had said about the house and all the things he had done in regard to it, she understood it and may not have minded if the situation was different. If he had not said those three words and broken their friendship she would have happily accepted his offer to rent out the house, never to name it in her name, but to rent it she wouldn’t have minded. But as it was, he had broken her trust and hurt her feelings thus she was angry with him because she didn’t want to feel gratitude for him or wished to owe him anything, which he may then use against her to get her to do things she didn’t want to, like he already was using her feelings towards her family. He knew she would never have it in her to break their hearts and so would go along with the wedding just to please them, hence had involved them in his dirty game. She hated him for having done so and was also annoyed with her family for not seeing how incredibly wrong he was for her, instead of seeing the truth they believed what he made them believe.
‘Ugh…Are you enjoying this DM? Do you enjoy putting me in positions like these? If no, then why aren’t you helping me? Help me find peace and solitude. Make things right again. My world has gone completely topsy-turvy, help me correct it again. Make all this hatred that is cooking inside me disappear, so that happiness and joy can exist in it again. I don’t want to hate Arnav ji, why can’t you just make him stop pursuing me so things can go right again?! Just…ugh…just help me find my way out of this mess!’ she vented in frustration towards the heavens and her best-friend. It was true, she didn’t like hating Arnav, she didn’t like hating anyone, for it made her sour and she hated feeling sour. She just wanted that feeling to go away, she wanted things to go back to the way they had been a couple of months back, when she had finaly started getting along with Arnav, her family had accepted her, her father’s health was improving and everything was beautiful and stress free in life, until it all stopped being that way due to Arnav’s sudden love confession.
‘Talking to your parents again, bitya?’ Nani’s serene voice broke through her tirade.
‘Nani.’ Khushi started up at her voice and began getting up out of respect.
‘Ah…no. No. Sit, sit, just make a little room for these old bones.’ She gestured to her legs, as she sat next to Khushi.
‘Old? I think they’re just as young as any of ours.’ Khushi, smiled.
‘This heart, definitely is, younger than you all, but I can’t be so sure about these bones.’ Nani chuckled back, joining in her light humour. ‘So, talking to your parents and DM, Khushi, about Chotay?’ Nani recalled her question and as usual got straight to the point without letting the person in front of her have time to think up of a way to deviate, very much like her grandson, or rather her grandson was very much like her.
‘Nani. I…umm’ Khushi scanned her brain for a way to not accuse Arnav in front of his own grandmother.
‘Hmmm. You’re not sure about Chotay, are you?’ Again, she reached the verdict and rightly without even Khushi saying anything, unnerving her. ‘I understand.’ She added, once Khushi’s reddened face confirmed her thoughts.
‘You do?’ Khushi asked in amazement.
‘Yes.’ She replied simply. Khushi just stared back. Nani understood her? That was unbelievable. So then would she help her out of this mess her grandson had forced her into?
‘You don’t trust Chotay.’ She stated, after a while. ‘I don’t blame you. After everything that has happened in your life, how can you? It’s not easy. And you are not wrong, trust is a very precious thing and one should take caution before giving it to someone. My years have taught me that much.’ She smiled again, as she took Khushi’s hands into hers’, while Khushi just continued to stare back in disbelief. ‘The same way the past few months have taught you, to not give your trust so easily.’ She carried on. ‘So it’s not a surprise it is taking you a while to believe Chotay. You want to believe him, but you can’t. Your past begs you to take care and rightly so, after all how long have you known Chotay, a mere five-six months. That’s not a lot, especially to get to know someone as complex as Chotay. He isn’t the easiest of people to decode and his attitude can often make people construe the wrong opinions about him, as he is often very intense. He has always been like that. He cares very deeply but more often than not doesn’t know how to show it, properly.
‘Since childhood, he has been very possessive. Once someone makes a place for themselves in his heart, he becomes greatly protective of them. A trait that became even more prominent after his mother’s death. He cannot handle loss, the loss of people close to him and that is why he is so hard on appearance. He has created a wall around himself barricading anyone from entering, as he fears if they come into his heart then they will hurt him gravely when they leave and so to protect himself of that pain he keeps everyone at arms-length. And if someone, like you, breaks through those defences and forcefully enters his heart he becomes territorial. In order to stop them from leaving him, making him feel vacant, he does everything and anything in his ability to keep them there forever; sometimes in doing so he may adopt ways that are not the best causing people to doubt him and his intentions. Not realizing the only motive behind his actions is to keep those he loves close to him, always. He fears loss and so gets rid of any thing that may result in that happening. His only focus in life is to keep his dear ones happy and near him, always. He doesn’t like to see them hurt or worried and so without even asking he does everything in his power to clear the frown on his loved ones forehead. Don’t take it to mean his disrespect towards one’s emotions or self-respect. It’s his way of showing his care, by picking out all the thorns from his dear ones’ path.
‘As you know, Chotay is not a really verbal person. He speaks remotely and often when he does his words end up hurting you more than bringing about the desired effect. While he can use words to his advantage by manipulating them too get his way, he doesn’t know how to use them to express his feelings. His feelings he only manages to express through his actions, the care and concern that is laced in them. So being someone who cares for you very much,’ Devyani, now lifted Khushi’s face, so that her eyes met hers’, ‘and being his Nani, which makes me know him very well I beseech you to pay attention to his actions more than his words when deciding whether or not togive him your trust. They will guide you better to understand him. His words generally tend to contradict his heart, while his actions reflect his heart’s truth. I hope this may help you to understand him better and help you to let go of your fear and learn to trust again.
‘Because while one should take caution when giving someone their trust they should not decide on just one thing but on everything in front of them to decide justly whether that person deserves their trust or not. Trust is a precious and beautiful thing and so you should be protective of it but being protective doesn’t mean you never give it to someone, because if you don’t you will always be afraid therefore never realise the beauty of it. Yes there will be many people in this world who will take your trust and betray it, but there will be many who will take it and treasure it. Chotay is one of them; I don’t say this because I am his Nani, bitya. I am your Nani too. I see you like I see Anjali. You are equal to me like her and so just the way I wouldn’t want anything wrong to happen in her life, I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to yours either. If I felt that Chotay was wrong for you then I would say it, even if it meant that you wouldn’t come into my home as his wife.’ She said earnestly, making Khushi’s heart over-flow with emotion.
‘I will not tell you to trust him or not. I will not tell you to marry him or not. I will only tell you what I told him. Don’t let the fear of getting bowled out, keep you from walking out on to that crease.' She smiled at the cricket reference as it was one her late husband often used, and one she knew Khushi would appreciate. 'That is, don’t let your fear hold you back from giving your heart, your trust to someone, because you never know when the person in front of you may surprise you by having the same fear and therefore same care for it like it was their own. You both have faced loss and betrayal in your life, you both know what it feels like, thus would never wish it upon someone. You both take caution and that is why you will never break another’s trust, another’s heart.
‘An old saying goes: the brave, my dear, do not live forever but the cautious, do not live at all. So don’t let caution rule, instead dig up the courage from within your fear and give love a chance. It cannot go wrong every time. It cannot. Trust me. These old eyes have seen a lot more than your young ones. Lightening, contrary to popular belief, may strike in the same place twice or more, but that doesn’t mean it will have the same affect everytime. Sometimes it may disperse your world, other times it may bring it together in a way you never imagined.’ She patted her head and then giving her a soft kiss on her forehead then got up, motioning her to follow. ‘Shall we go eat? I know you haven’t had anything to eat.’
Khushi followed, in wake of the wisdom Devyani had poured onto her about Arnav and life’s lessons. May be, that’s all it was, fear, that was making her question Arnav’s words and actions, instead of actually taking them to mean what they did. May be she should try to overcome this fear and give him a chance. After all what was the worst that could happen, he would betray her, so, she had delt with that before right? Why not again? She had never been one to shy away from something before, so she why was she doing that today? She would face Arnav and this wedding and if Arnav broke her heart as she feared he would then she would be ok, after all she had been ok the first time round this had happened, she would not let fear rule her. It was best to face your fears, instead of dwelling over them, that was one of her mantras to live by, then why had she forgotten it? Already she was feeling lighter with this resolve. Like always her DM had shown her a way to bring tranquillity to her warring mind, by telling her through Devyani, to not be afraid.
A genuine smile breaking on her lips, after many days, she walked back inside the house, next to Nani. It wasn’t until she spied Arnav and how his face lit up when his eyes locked onto hers’ did another thought come into her head. She had resolved to not be afraid of her heart breaking and to give him a chance even if he broke it; but what if he didn’t? What if he meant what he said, like he kept on saying he did. What if he fulfilled his promise and married her? What then? She was so hell-bent on believing that he wouldn’t and was coming to terms with being ok with that, that this thought had never entered her mind. What if he did marry her? What if he did love her? Then? Then what?
‘Why?’ she sighed out aloud, to no one in particular, for she sat alone. The rest of the family and guests were in side, celebrating her and Arnav’s enagement function in the grandly decorated Raizada foyer. She had made her way out after the rings had been exchanged and Arnav had announced their upcoming wedding to the whole media, as well as friends, family and co-workers that had gathered to celebrate the commencement of their union.
She looked down at her left hand that now wore a cold, diamond-studded platinum ring; a foreign piece of jewel, which increased the weight of her hand ten-fold and the stress in her mind, infinitimly. She fiddled with it, as she recalled the last time something so rare and gorgeous had adorned her left-ring finger. It was the tumultuous night Shyam’s truth had come out, not to mention the very same night she had met with her next husband to be, Arnav. She gave out a coarse laugh at how, the day she freed herself from Shyam’s engagement, was the very day she had fallen into the hands of her next fiancée (quite literally), how ironic was that? Or was it destiny? Who knew? All she knew was that she didn’t like the feeling she had gotten when wearing that ring, or this one. She didn’t trust it or the false promise it represented.
Adjusting the ring, continuously on her finger, she recalled how the evening had begun and how she had foolishly thought it would end without her being shackled by this metal-and-stone ring. Ten minutes after arriving she had hauled Arnav away from the family to the very poolside she now sat on, to berate him on a new discovery, armed with the childish belief that it would aid her in making him back away from the attachment and bring an end to her misery.
‘Khushi? Are you trying to take advantage of me? I know you find me very sexy, but I didn’t think you would be the one to make the first move?’ Arnav teased her, as in her hurry to end the night even before it began she had yanked on his arm, very much in the manner he generally did and had dragged him to the poolside, where she now pinned him to the wall with her stare. He had come without restraint, out shock of being escorted out by her in this manner rather then any physical ability on her part. His well-intended jibe, made her colour and he instantly reprimanded himself for saying it without even stopping to think how it may make her feel, especially with her past.
She took a step back from him and for some time kept her gaze glued to the grayish-red pavement, which they stood upon. ‘Khushi…’ he began, trying to think up of a way to get rid of the awkward moment. ‘I…uh…I didn’t mean to ….umm …hey, so I’m guessing there was something you wished to say to me?’ he reminded her, realising there was nothing he really could say to cover up the damage done and only bringing her back to the topic for which she had pulled him away from their families and the few the guests who had arrived would override the awkwardness. He was right, her head snapped up at it and she was the Khushi-on-a-mission again.
‘I know the truth Arnav ji. I know what you did. Did you really think you could hide it from me? You knew how I would feel about it, thus all the secrecy around it. But when you knew I would not appreciate it, you butting into my personal matters, then how could you?!! You who claim to know me so well, how could you do it? What made you think that I wouldn’t mind it Arnav ji?!!’ she stormed, as Arnav stared at her, rattling his brain trying to understand, exactly what truth she was talking about. What truth had she uncovered, that would make her so angry? Then it hit him. Sh*t, had she heard more than he had thought the other day in the study when she had brought over the witch-doctor to “cure” him? Had she put two-and-two together? Damnit! He should have been more careful, although he had thought he had hid his plan well, but clearly he hadn’t? How was he going to explain his way out of this? Khushi was right, he knew that she wouldn’t appreciate it, that’s why he had kept it a secret. He knew neither Anjali nor Khushi would understand his need to avenge her, being the pure-hearted women they were. But for him it was a necessity, it was about Khushi’s respect and anything concerned with her was a matter of top priority for him.
‘Khushi….I…please just listen. Hear me out, I have my reasons-‘ Arnav began, trying to pull his reasons together and assemble them in a manner that would allow Khushi to understand his side.
‘No! You listen to me! What were you thinking? After everything I said to you about the NHC matter and how I don’t appreciate other’s carrying out my responsibilities, you still went and brought this house for me?!! What were you thinking, really Arnav ji?!! Why would you do that?!’ She cried out, hurt by his actions.
The day before, whilst watering the plants in the garden, she had slipped, a normal feat for her and had landed on top of one the pots, which broke. As she got on to her feet and began tidying the mess created by the soil and the broken pieces of the clay pot she found a name inscribed on one of the pieces. After joining the broken pieces together she read the name, which made her stomache churn into ice. It read Arnav. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, how could his name end up on the underside of a plant pot in her newly rented house. She knew it was his practice to carve his names into the clay pots of his plants, something he had gotten into the habit of doing ever since a child, Anjali had told her. Their mother and he loved gardening and so as a child he had a competition with his mother at who was the better gardener and to decide who they would each plant the same flowers in two different pots and take care of it, the person whose flower was best groomed would win; since then he had been scribing his name into the plant pots to distinguish his pot from his mother’s.
Hence when she saw his name on the particular broken pot, she didn’t understand and then on a hunch went to investigate the bottom of each plant pot in the front and back garden. On all she found his name and then finally understood. He had brought the house, worked on the garden and then told NK to present it as his friend’s family home so that she would rent it, as she would never rent it out if she knew it to be Arnav’s house. What a master-mind? Her blood had boiled at the thought of the plan he had hatched and with the way she had fallen right into the trap. He knew she would love the place, with a gorgeous garden and so had brought it and made the garden a piece out of heaven for her to fall in love with and take the house without asking too many questions about it. He had invaded her personal boundary yet again and she hated him for it! When was he going to stop taking control of her life, why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?!! She stared at him, the anger sweltering inside at making her feel inadequate yet again for not being able to provide for her family. Whilst he stared back, now pure confusion etched in his mind.
‘House? What house? Khushi I didn’t buy any house for you.’ he stated blankly, as he relaxed internally, Khushi had not discovered his plans, his worst fear was not being realized at this moment, but rather Khushi was under some misunderstanding. He could deal with that. ‘I mean if you want I can, I would love to-‘
‘No thank you! And don’t lie to me! I saw your name carved into all the plant pots, like the way you do with all your pots here. So don’t even try telling me that it’s not your house, because I know it is! Why did you do it?! You knew I wouldn’t like it that is why you got Nanhe ji to do your bidding so that I wouldn’t find out. But I did! What do you have to say for yourself!’ She huffed in his face.
What was wrong with him, he knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help smiling, she looked so adorable whilst angry, the way her caramel-eyes brightened with passion, her cheeks warmed with rage and her nose coloured too. She looked like a child, throwing a tantrum so he couldn’t refrain the smile even though it meant her getting more frustrated with him.
‘Am I telling you some joke Arnav ji?! Why are you smiling?! Tell me why did you do it? Why did you buy the house?!’
‘Khushi I didn’t buy any house.’ He replied calmly, still smiling.
‘Seriously, Arnav ji, you are going to try and deny it now. Arnav ji-‘
‘Ssshhhhh.’ Arnav placed his index finger on her lips. ‘Listen. I didn’t buy the house. I didn’t need to Khushi. It belonged to my great-grandfather, than grand-father, than Nani and now-‘
‘You.’ Khushi, slapped away his finger and completed his sentence, irritably. She didn’t know what she was more annoyed about the fact that he had fooled her into renting out his old family home, or the fact that he had dared to quieten her.
‘No, actually. You.’
‘That is what I just said. And I don’t care whether you bought the house or let out your old family home to me. I don’t want it! I don’t want your charity Arnav ji. I can manage to find a house for my family by myself. I don’t need to rent out your house!’
‘Are you done? Now listen. You are not renting out my house. Because, like I explained the house never belonged to me and it still doesn’t. You are not renting out my house, you are renting out your own house.’
‘What? That makes no sense. Why would I rent out my own house? Besides I don’t even own a house, so me renting out my own house is not even possible, for I don’t have a house!’ she asserted, going round and round in her own words.
‘Uh…you do. As of Thursday afternoon. You own a house. The house you are living in, in fact. Congratulations.’ He he added cheerfully.
‘What rubbish? Arnav ji just admit it. This was your doing, that house is your’s!’
‘I will admit it was my doing, but it is not my house. That house never belonged to me and still does not. Like I said it was my Great-Nana’s, then Nana’s, then Nani’s and from this Thursday past, yours’. The house is yours’ Khushi.’ He repeated again.
‘What? How?’
‘See now you have asked the right question. Allow me to explain and get rid of your confusion. Do you recall, signing the release documents in my cabin on Thursday, giving LaANK legal right over your designs?’ she nodded. ‘Well under that pile was another set of court documents. Property papers to be precise. Transferring Nanaji’s property into your name. You signed it and so now it is yours’. See.’ As he related the events, she recalled the morning being discussed, remembering how in her anger at him for calling her she had signed without even bothering to read the papers. Ugh!! She hated him!!
Anger now hitting the roof, she pounced on him, grabbing his collar and shoving him against the wall. ‘ARNAV JI!! HOW COULD YOU?!! YOU TRICKED ME!! YOU…YOU-‘
‘A-ahh.’ He cried, as the full weight of her body slammed them both against the outside wall to his room. His cry and the sudden commotion, brought down her temper, as awkwardness due to the proximity made her nervous. She began to loosen her grip on his collar and move away, when his hands cupped her and held them in place. ‘Don’t. You don’t need to feel awkward Khushi. You have every right on me. I have given you that right, so never shy away from showing your anger on me.’ She just stared at him.
‘Look, truthfully, I hadn’t intended to trick you into signing. My plan was to tell you the truth about the house and ask you take over the property after we were married, hoping then you wouldn’t be as mad for me having over-stepped your boundary and taken a decision for you. I didn’t want to Khushi, I swear, but you needed a house and I had one at disposal so I thought instead of letting it just sit there and rot why not give it to someone who needs it and I would have done it myself, but….but you were so angry with me those days that I knew if I even suggested it you would never even look at the house. Khushi, I swear I didn’t mean any disrespect by it, I understand and esteem your self-respect, I do, even if my actions suggest otherwise. The only reason I stayed quiet and asked NK to intervene, was because I knew you wouldn’t accept my help, but the story NK told you about the house is true, it does belong to his friend’s family, me being that friend and we had been thinking for quite some time to sublet it, when your need for a house arised I figured why not, I trust you and your family to take care of it, that is why I sent NK.
‘And that day in LaANK, my lawyer had just brought over the property papers from court along with your design-release papers and you without looking signed both by the time I saw what you had done I didn’t see the point in stopping you as you had already done it. Albeit I decided to wait after the wedding to tell you about the whole thing, hoping you would approach it with a cooler head then. Khushi, I am sorry, for hurting your feelings, I never meant for them to get hurt. Please believe me when I say that.’
‘Yeah. Well it doesn’t change the fact that they are hurt, Arnav ji and that you are responsible for it, again! But why would you care, if you did, you wouldn’t be doing all of this.’ She gestured towards the house and the ceremony that was about to commence inside. Now he did look hurt by her words. That stung her, she didn’t like hurting him or anyone for that matter but she couldn’t help it, this was the only way she saw a way out of the charade he had prevailed her into.
‘Khushi.’ His voice was husky, from emotion. ‘Khushi, I-‘
‘Here you two love-birds are.’ But at that moment Anjali arrived, ending their conversation. ‘Come on you two, most of the guests are here and Chotay the press have just arrived.’
‘Press?’ Khushi, asked surprised.
‘Yes. Chotay is announcing it to the media today as well, he figured instead of them gate-crashing, he may as well give them an invite thereby keep it civil with them.’ Anjali explained, while Khushi grunted in acknowledgement causing Arnav to further kick himself. Of course Khushi would hate this being publicised and he had known that, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was a public figure, having achieved so much in such few years. Thus he knew if he hadn’t invited them officially they would harass him which would be worse than having them at the engagement. Only the problem was, while Khushi may have accepted this gruffly before, she was in no mood to accept it now after the conversation they had just had, pushing Arnav further away from her on the pebbly-path to win her trust and heart.
Khushi had exacted her revenge on forcing his gratitude on her and announcing their engagement in front of reporters in a small, but to her, only available way. Firstly, she stabbed the engagement ring in his finger instead of placing it sweetly, like he had done when they exchanged the rings. After that when he had forced her to stand with him in front of the media, she had taken her opportunity to highlight their clashing personalities, when a reporter had asked her about the outfit she had chosen to wear on this occasion. The reporter had asked, how often designers wore certain outfits to convey some theme or other and whether she had done that too. She had not; but she took that chance and stated how the three contrasting colours, the sea-blue low-waist lehenga, blood-red blouse and leafy-green dupatta mirrored their relationship for they were as contrasting as the colours: all three very bold colours and very different from the other, neither mixed to make the other. She had stated smugly, only to have Arnav manipulate her words further; she had forgotten if she was good at manipulating words, he was the master manipulator of them. He went on to add that while the three colours differed greatly telling an important fact about their relationship, the copper-gold border that spread across the base of each and united the three colours signified what brought them together: their family, their mutual values and of course their love; making everyone give a warm smile, while Khushi felt a bile invasion in her throat as it climbed out of her abdomen and travelled up her esophagus.
Therefore, after patiently thanking everyone for their kind wishes, she stole herself away from the crowd, as they made their way to the buffet tables for dinner. Turning in the opposite direction to them she made her way to the poolside to find some peace and quiet, to bring strength to her heart and order to her chaotic mind to allow her to deal with everything that was happening. When she thought over what Arnav had said about the house and all the things he had done in regard to it, she understood it and may not have minded if the situation was different. If he had not said those three words and broken their friendship she would have happily accepted his offer to rent out the house, never to name it in her name, but to rent it she wouldn’t have minded. But as it was, he had broken her trust and hurt her feelings thus she was angry with him because she didn’t want to feel gratitude for him or wished to owe him anything, which he may then use against her to get her to do things she didn’t want to, like he already was using her feelings towards her family. He knew she would never have it in her to break their hearts and so would go along with the wedding just to please them, hence had involved them in his dirty game. She hated him for having done so and was also annoyed with her family for not seeing how incredibly wrong he was for her, instead of seeing the truth they believed what he made them believe.
‘Ugh…Are you enjoying this DM? Do you enjoy putting me in positions like these? If no, then why aren’t you helping me? Help me find peace and solitude. Make things right again. My world has gone completely topsy-turvy, help me correct it again. Make all this hatred that is cooking inside me disappear, so that happiness and joy can exist in it again. I don’t want to hate Arnav ji, why can’t you just make him stop pursuing me so things can go right again?! Just…ugh…just help me find my way out of this mess!’ she vented in frustration towards the heavens and her best-friend. It was true, she didn’t like hating Arnav, she didn’t like hating anyone, for it made her sour and she hated feeling sour. She just wanted that feeling to go away, she wanted things to go back to the way they had been a couple of months back, when she had finaly started getting along with Arnav, her family had accepted her, her father’s health was improving and everything was beautiful and stress free in life, until it all stopped being that way due to Arnav’s sudden love confession.
‘Talking to your parents again, bitya?’ Nani’s serene voice broke through her tirade.
‘Nani.’ Khushi started up at her voice and began getting up out of respect.
‘Ah…no. No. Sit, sit, just make a little room for these old bones.’ She gestured to her legs, as she sat next to Khushi.
‘Old? I think they’re just as young as any of ours.’ Khushi, smiled.
‘This heart, definitely is, younger than you all, but I can’t be so sure about these bones.’ Nani chuckled back, joining in her light humour. ‘So, talking to your parents and DM, Khushi, about Chotay?’ Nani recalled her question and as usual got straight to the point without letting the person in front of her have time to think up of a way to deviate, very much like her grandson, or rather her grandson was very much like her.
‘Nani. I…umm’ Khushi scanned her brain for a way to not accuse Arnav in front of his own grandmother.
‘Hmmm. You’re not sure about Chotay, are you?’ Again, she reached the verdict and rightly without even Khushi saying anything, unnerving her. ‘I understand.’ She added, once Khushi’s reddened face confirmed her thoughts.
‘You do?’ Khushi asked in amazement.
‘Yes.’ She replied simply. Khushi just stared back. Nani understood her? That was unbelievable. So then would she help her out of this mess her grandson had forced her into?
‘You don’t trust Chotay.’ She stated, after a while. ‘I don’t blame you. After everything that has happened in your life, how can you? It’s not easy. And you are not wrong, trust is a very precious thing and one should take caution before giving it to someone. My years have taught me that much.’ She smiled again, as she took Khushi’s hands into hers’, while Khushi just continued to stare back in disbelief. ‘The same way the past few months have taught you, to not give your trust so easily.’ She carried on. ‘So it’s not a surprise it is taking you a while to believe Chotay. You want to believe him, but you can’t. Your past begs you to take care and rightly so, after all how long have you known Chotay, a mere five-six months. That’s not a lot, especially to get to know someone as complex as Chotay. He isn’t the easiest of people to decode and his attitude can often make people construe the wrong opinions about him, as he is often very intense. He has always been like that. He cares very deeply but more often than not doesn’t know how to show it, properly.
‘Since childhood, he has been very possessive. Once someone makes a place for themselves in his heart, he becomes greatly protective of them. A trait that became even more prominent after his mother’s death. He cannot handle loss, the loss of people close to him and that is why he is so hard on appearance. He has created a wall around himself barricading anyone from entering, as he fears if they come into his heart then they will hurt him gravely when they leave and so to protect himself of that pain he keeps everyone at arms-length. And if someone, like you, breaks through those defences and forcefully enters his heart he becomes territorial. In order to stop them from leaving him, making him feel vacant, he does everything and anything in his ability to keep them there forever; sometimes in doing so he may adopt ways that are not the best causing people to doubt him and his intentions. Not realizing the only motive behind his actions is to keep those he loves close to him, always. He fears loss and so gets rid of any thing that may result in that happening. His only focus in life is to keep his dear ones happy and near him, always. He doesn’t like to see them hurt or worried and so without even asking he does everything in his power to clear the frown on his loved ones forehead. Don’t take it to mean his disrespect towards one’s emotions or self-respect. It’s his way of showing his care, by picking out all the thorns from his dear ones’ path.
‘As you know, Chotay is not a really verbal person. He speaks remotely and often when he does his words end up hurting you more than bringing about the desired effect. While he can use words to his advantage by manipulating them too get his way, he doesn’t know how to use them to express his feelings. His feelings he only manages to express through his actions, the care and concern that is laced in them. So being someone who cares for you very much,’ Devyani, now lifted Khushi’s face, so that her eyes met hers’, ‘and being his Nani, which makes me know him very well I beseech you to pay attention to his actions more than his words when deciding whether or not togive him your trust. They will guide you better to understand him. His words generally tend to contradict his heart, while his actions reflect his heart’s truth. I hope this may help you to understand him better and help you to let go of your fear and learn to trust again.
‘Because while one should take caution when giving someone their trust they should not decide on just one thing but on everything in front of them to decide justly whether that person deserves their trust or not. Trust is a precious and beautiful thing and so you should be protective of it but being protective doesn’t mean you never give it to someone, because if you don’t you will always be afraid therefore never realise the beauty of it. Yes there will be many people in this world who will take your trust and betray it, but there will be many who will take it and treasure it. Chotay is one of them; I don’t say this because I am his Nani, bitya. I am your Nani too. I see you like I see Anjali. You are equal to me like her and so just the way I wouldn’t want anything wrong to happen in her life, I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to yours either. If I felt that Chotay was wrong for you then I would say it, even if it meant that you wouldn’t come into my home as his wife.’ She said earnestly, making Khushi’s heart over-flow with emotion.
‘I will not tell you to trust him or not. I will not tell you to marry him or not. I will only tell you what I told him. Don’t let the fear of getting bowled out, keep you from walking out on to that crease.' She smiled at the cricket reference as it was one her late husband often used, and one she knew Khushi would appreciate. 'That is, don’t let your fear hold you back from giving your heart, your trust to someone, because you never know when the person in front of you may surprise you by having the same fear and therefore same care for it like it was their own. You both have faced loss and betrayal in your life, you both know what it feels like, thus would never wish it upon someone. You both take caution and that is why you will never break another’s trust, another’s heart.
‘An old saying goes: the brave, my dear, do not live forever but the cautious, do not live at all. So don’t let caution rule, instead dig up the courage from within your fear and give love a chance. It cannot go wrong every time. It cannot. Trust me. These old eyes have seen a lot more than your young ones. Lightening, contrary to popular belief, may strike in the same place twice or more, but that doesn’t mean it will have the same affect everytime. Sometimes it may disperse your world, other times it may bring it together in a way you never imagined.’ She patted her head and then giving her a soft kiss on her forehead then got up, motioning her to follow. ‘Shall we go eat? I know you haven’t had anything to eat.’
Khushi followed, in wake of the wisdom Devyani had poured onto her about Arnav and life’s lessons. May be, that’s all it was, fear, that was making her question Arnav’s words and actions, instead of actually taking them to mean what they did. May be she should try to overcome this fear and give him a chance. After all what was the worst that could happen, he would betray her, so, she had delt with that before right? Why not again? She had never been one to shy away from something before, so she why was she doing that today? She would face Arnav and this wedding and if Arnav broke her heart as she feared he would then she would be ok, after all she had been ok the first time round this had happened, she would not let fear rule her. It was best to face your fears, instead of dwelling over them, that was one of her mantras to live by, then why had she forgotten it? Already she was feeling lighter with this resolve. Like always her DM had shown her a way to bring tranquillity to her warring mind, by telling her through Devyani, to not be afraid.
A genuine smile breaking on her lips, after many days, she walked back inside the house, next to Nani. It wasn’t until she spied Arnav and how his face lit up when his eyes locked onto hers’ did another thought come into her head. She had resolved to not be afraid of her heart breaking and to give him a chance even if he broke it; but what if he didn’t? What if he meant what he said, like he kept on saying he did. What if he fulfilled his promise and married her? What then? She was so hell-bent on believing that he wouldn’t and was coming to terms with being ok with that, that this thought had never entered her mind. What if he did marry her? What if he did love her? Then? Then what?
*****