‘Khushi.’ Arnav stopped short after turning on the lights in his room; startled at finding her sitting in that beautiful green sari, on his bed. ‘I thought you had left.’
‘No.’ she replied in a hollow voice. She heard him, but was not looking at him, instead was a thousands miles away, in some thought.
‘Khushi, is everything ok?’ he walked over and crouched down next to her, concerned as to why she was here, after everyone had left, looking so glum. May be him forcing her to dance had pushed her too far and she was upset with him for it, he now thought, seeing how she had been quiet for the rest of the evening and the glow which had radiated previously from her earlier had disappeared. But generally when she was upset she would let him know by berating him, instead of staying silent like she was now.
‘Khushi. Have you been crying?’ close up now, he could see traces of dried tears on her cheeks. ‘What is it Khushi? What’s wrong?’ he felt like someone had taken a hold of his heart and was wrenching it brutally, seeing her in such a depressed state. What was wrong? What had happened between the time he had left her at the door with her family and until she had made her way to his room, unnoticed by anyone?
‘Khushi, please tell me, what’s wrong? Tell me and I will make it go away, I promise. Don’t stay quiet like this? Tell me what happened, please?’ he begged her, his voice filled with agony at seeing her in such a frazzled state. She finally made eye contact, but that only made him feel infinitely worse, for they were dead. It was like Death had taken permanent abode in them. What the hell had happened? And where the hell had he been to not have prevented something so awful become his Khushi?!!
‘Ssh…it’s ok Arnav ji. Nothing has happened, not yet, and if all goes well nothing will happen.’ She related mysticaly, unsettling him further.
‘Khushi?’
‘Ssh…I told you its ok. I understand now what needs to be done. What you want. What I should have done a long time ago to have avoided all this, but its not too late it can be done now.’ She continued in the same empty voice with which she had addressed him earlier.
‘Khushi, wha-?’
‘I am tired Arnav ji. Tired of playing this game. Tired of fighting with you. You win. I loose. I’m not going to resist you anymore.’ With that she got up, causing him to stand too.
‘Khush-‘
‘Here.’ She suddenly threw back her anchal, offering herself to him. ‘You can have me.’ She declared in a dead voice.
‘Khushi!! What the hell?!!’ he recoiled, instantly. Shocked at what she was doing.
‘I give up. This is what you want, yes? What all men want; our dance together proved that, so here. I am giving it to you. I will no longer fight it, you can have me.’ She repeated again in the same knell-like voice, as she now busied her hands on the hook and strings that fastened her blouse.
As her hands advanced from the opened hook to the knotted straps, Arnav came out of the shock her words and action had prevailed him into; instantly, he was next to her again restraining her from untying the strings and humiliating his love completely.
‘Stop. Stop it. KHUSHI! I SAID STOP IT!’ he yelled in her face, to finally make her drop her hands away from the now the open strings, which were the only thing that had been keeping her blouse in place. As soon as she let go of them, the fabric thawed, threatening to fall, causing the final veil between her chest and him drop too. But his hands were too quick and they grabbed the snaky-threads before they exposed her in front of him. Keeping his gaze, angrily on hers, his fingers set to work. First clasping the hook, with one hand, keeping the other firmly on the strings to keep the blouse from falling, then fastening the loosened strings, thereby securing the blouse back to its’ duty in protecting his fiancée’s chest from scavengers. That done he took a step back from her, not breaking eye contact, squatted to lift up her fallen anchal, thrust it towards her and then turned his back to her, desperately trying to keep the lid on-top of his boiling anger.
She held the anchal in her hands, staring from it to his back, trying to understand what had just happened. Why had he not taken her? She had given him the permission. So why….what game was he playing now?
‘Pin it up. I’ll drop you home.’ He ordered in a controlled voice; then stalked away to the door.
‘Arnav ji –‘ she called moments later from behind him, an edge in her voice now.
‘Khushi don’t.’ he stopped short of the door. ‘Just make yourself presentable and I’ll drop you home.’ He balled his fists as he spoke towards the door of his room, which was closed, thankfully. He would have hated it if someone had seen what had transpired between them, moments ago. On some level he registered that this was the product of her punctured soul due to that horrendous man in her past and so he would be able to forgive her in due time for the manner in which she had insulted his love today, but in this moment he was too infuriated with her to trust himself to be civil with her if she tried to conduct a conversation; he just wanted her to comply with him.
‘Arnav ji, I-‘ Khushi was now behind him.
‘You what?!! Hunh?! What?!!’ He hollered as he turned, pinning her to the wall next to the door and punched his left fist in the wall beside her face, making her cry out in fear, but he ignored it. She had pushed him too far. ‘What could you possibly have left to say after what you just did Khushi?!!’ His face was purple with rage inches away from hers’.
‘Do you have any idea how much your actions have hurt me tonight, Khushi?!! You have a problem trusting my love I can deal with that, because I know you have trust issues, much in the way I used to have. But to think so low of me Khushi! To insult my love so brutally…that…that’s just not done.’ He spoke in a dangerously low voice. ‘I have done everything these past few weeks for you and only you. Keeping you in mind, thinking of what would make you happy and you…’ he seethed, ‘instead of even taking that into account as evidence of my love, you turn around and humiliate me in this manner!! Why?!’ He smacked the wall next to her again; this time it was his right hand which brushed her left one, she whimpered at the impact, but he ignored it, he was to mad at her. Was lust the only thing she thought existed? Did love mean nothing to her? Did she not understand that his actions earlier tonight, during their dance were love, not lust? Why was she so aversed to his love? Why?
‘Why?! Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is love?!! That my touches during our dance was adoration and not an advancement? I wasn’t taking liberties with you, I was loving you! I’m not some letch who wants to bed you for a night, instead I’m someone who wishes to wake up next to you every morning. Who wishes to spend the rest of his life with you, uncovering different parts of your soul, not just your body! But no! No you see none of that! All you can see is your past and how you were brutally betrayed in it!’ he smacked the wall next to her once more making her flinch, but again he ignored it.
´I agree,’ he said pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, trying to put a lid on his anger, in vain, ‘it was a disgusting thing that man did and a horrible thing that happened to you, But I AM NOT THAT MAN KHUSHI!!’ his temper rose with each word. ‘I AM NOT HIM!!’ he spat out and then continued in a a controlled voice, ‘I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU!! All these wedding functions,’ he waved in the general direction of the hall outside, ‘should tell you that: that I am in this for life! Because I love you. I LOVE YOU DAMNIT!!’ he gripped her shoulders with both his hands and shook her, as if that would finally get his words and feelings to settle inside her. ‘What more must I do to convince you?’ he beseeched her face for some answer, but got none as she stared mutely at him, still in shock over what she had nearly done, what he had done in response and now, what he was saying.
‘WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!!’ there was desperation in his voice now and it tugged at her hurt. ‘Why are you so hellbent on trying to falsify my love instead of embracing it?!’ He cried in her face and then as if suddenly run out of steam, he lowered his hands from her arms and rested them on the wall either side of her face, as his face inched in closer to hers’. ‘Why are you under-valuing yourself Khushi?!’ he whispered. ‘You are beautiful! You are worth loving! You are worth every effort I have made and will continue to make in order to gain your trust and love Khushi. You are an incredible being, don’t degrade yourself like this, don’t let your past define you, because it does NOT define you. YOU define YOU!! YOUR FAMILY defines YOU!! YOUR FRIENDS define YOU!! And….. And MY LOVE, defines YOU!! Khushi…’ he now cupped her face, as his voice and countenance changed emotion from anger to plea.
‘Khushi…’ he whispered, again. ‘If you want to believe anything, trust anything, than let this be it.’ He raised his head and kissed her on her forehead. ‘Believe my love. That is real, forget everything else. I am real; as real as the sensation you feel in your cheeks by my touch, as real as the drumming heart-beat in your ears at my proximity. As real as the warmth that infuses and settles in the pit of your stomach with my breath on your neck. I am real Khushi. And I am yours’. Only yours’. Understand that. Believe that. Trust that.’ A tear dropped from his eye as he blinked the emotion back and turned away from her, not wanting to completely bleed out in front of her. But it was in vain, for the salty drop of his wounded love left its’ stinging taste on her quivering lips, forcing her to soak everything he had done and said in the past twenty minutes.
‘Ehmmph.’ His sniff, jerked her out of the trance his tear on her lips had prevailed her into. She saw him raise his hand next to his face, she couldn’t see what he was doing exactly as his back was towards her, but judging from the way his hands were moving and the numbness she saw on them as he moved them away from his face, she knew he had been wiping more tears. She felt a stab at her heart. She had made him cry. She felt like someone was suffocating her heart, for having hurt him so callously. ‘Fix yourself. I’ll be in the car waiting.’ He ordered again, in a hoarse voice, as he turned to open the door and leave, without even stopping to look at her. She had hurt him so much, had offended his love so cruelly that he couldn’t even look at her, what had she done?!! Why did she distrust him so much? Why was she hellbent on falsifying his love than embracing it? His question echoed in her mind and she had no answer for it; only accusations for herself.
‘Try not to let anyone see you when you leave the house, otherwise they will ask questions and make assumptions that I really do not have the stamina of facing at this hour.’ He said from behind the door that stood as a partition between them and then, he was gone, after making sure the door had closed behind him so as not to let anyone spy Khushi while she tidied herself up.
‘No.’ she replied in a hollow voice. She heard him, but was not looking at him, instead was a thousands miles away, in some thought.
‘Khushi, is everything ok?’ he walked over and crouched down next to her, concerned as to why she was here, after everyone had left, looking so glum. May be him forcing her to dance had pushed her too far and she was upset with him for it, he now thought, seeing how she had been quiet for the rest of the evening and the glow which had radiated previously from her earlier had disappeared. But generally when she was upset she would let him know by berating him, instead of staying silent like she was now.
‘Khushi. Have you been crying?’ close up now, he could see traces of dried tears on her cheeks. ‘What is it Khushi? What’s wrong?’ he felt like someone had taken a hold of his heart and was wrenching it brutally, seeing her in such a depressed state. What was wrong? What had happened between the time he had left her at the door with her family and until she had made her way to his room, unnoticed by anyone?
‘Khushi, please tell me, what’s wrong? Tell me and I will make it go away, I promise. Don’t stay quiet like this? Tell me what happened, please?’ he begged her, his voice filled with agony at seeing her in such a frazzled state. She finally made eye contact, but that only made him feel infinitely worse, for they were dead. It was like Death had taken permanent abode in them. What the hell had happened? And where the hell had he been to not have prevented something so awful become his Khushi?!!
‘Ssh…it’s ok Arnav ji. Nothing has happened, not yet, and if all goes well nothing will happen.’ She related mysticaly, unsettling him further.
‘Khushi?’
‘Ssh…I told you its ok. I understand now what needs to be done. What you want. What I should have done a long time ago to have avoided all this, but its not too late it can be done now.’ She continued in the same empty voice with which she had addressed him earlier.
‘Khushi, wha-?’
‘I am tired Arnav ji. Tired of playing this game. Tired of fighting with you. You win. I loose. I’m not going to resist you anymore.’ With that she got up, causing him to stand too.
‘Khush-‘
‘Here.’ She suddenly threw back her anchal, offering herself to him. ‘You can have me.’ She declared in a dead voice.
‘Khushi!! What the hell?!!’ he recoiled, instantly. Shocked at what she was doing.
‘I give up. This is what you want, yes? What all men want; our dance together proved that, so here. I am giving it to you. I will no longer fight it, you can have me.’ She repeated again in the same knell-like voice, as she now busied her hands on the hook and strings that fastened her blouse.
As her hands advanced from the opened hook to the knotted straps, Arnav came out of the shock her words and action had prevailed him into; instantly, he was next to her again restraining her from untying the strings and humiliating his love completely.
‘Stop. Stop it. KHUSHI! I SAID STOP IT!’ he yelled in her face, to finally make her drop her hands away from the now the open strings, which were the only thing that had been keeping her blouse in place. As soon as she let go of them, the fabric thawed, threatening to fall, causing the final veil between her chest and him drop too. But his hands were too quick and they grabbed the snaky-threads before they exposed her in front of him. Keeping his gaze, angrily on hers, his fingers set to work. First clasping the hook, with one hand, keeping the other firmly on the strings to keep the blouse from falling, then fastening the loosened strings, thereby securing the blouse back to its’ duty in protecting his fiancée’s chest from scavengers. That done he took a step back from her, not breaking eye contact, squatted to lift up her fallen anchal, thrust it towards her and then turned his back to her, desperately trying to keep the lid on-top of his boiling anger.
She held the anchal in her hands, staring from it to his back, trying to understand what had just happened. Why had he not taken her? She had given him the permission. So why….what game was he playing now?
‘Pin it up. I’ll drop you home.’ He ordered in a controlled voice; then stalked away to the door.
‘Arnav ji –‘ she called moments later from behind him, an edge in her voice now.
‘Khushi don’t.’ he stopped short of the door. ‘Just make yourself presentable and I’ll drop you home.’ He balled his fists as he spoke towards the door of his room, which was closed, thankfully. He would have hated it if someone had seen what had transpired between them, moments ago. On some level he registered that this was the product of her punctured soul due to that horrendous man in her past and so he would be able to forgive her in due time for the manner in which she had insulted his love today, but in this moment he was too infuriated with her to trust himself to be civil with her if she tried to conduct a conversation; he just wanted her to comply with him.
‘Arnav ji, I-‘ Khushi was now behind him.
‘You what?!! Hunh?! What?!!’ He hollered as he turned, pinning her to the wall next to the door and punched his left fist in the wall beside her face, making her cry out in fear, but he ignored it. She had pushed him too far. ‘What could you possibly have left to say after what you just did Khushi?!!’ His face was purple with rage inches away from hers’.
‘Do you have any idea how much your actions have hurt me tonight, Khushi?!! You have a problem trusting my love I can deal with that, because I know you have trust issues, much in the way I used to have. But to think so low of me Khushi! To insult my love so brutally…that…that’s just not done.’ He spoke in a dangerously low voice. ‘I have done everything these past few weeks for you and only you. Keeping you in mind, thinking of what would make you happy and you…’ he seethed, ‘instead of even taking that into account as evidence of my love, you turn around and humiliate me in this manner!! Why?!’ He smacked the wall next to her again; this time it was his right hand which brushed her left one, she whimpered at the impact, but he ignored it, he was to mad at her. Was lust the only thing she thought existed? Did love mean nothing to her? Did she not understand that his actions earlier tonight, during their dance were love, not lust? Why was she so aversed to his love? Why?
‘Why?! Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is love?!! That my touches during our dance was adoration and not an advancement? I wasn’t taking liberties with you, I was loving you! I’m not some letch who wants to bed you for a night, instead I’m someone who wishes to wake up next to you every morning. Who wishes to spend the rest of his life with you, uncovering different parts of your soul, not just your body! But no! No you see none of that! All you can see is your past and how you were brutally betrayed in it!’ he smacked the wall next to her once more making her flinch, but again he ignored it.
´I agree,’ he said pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, trying to put a lid on his anger, in vain, ‘it was a disgusting thing that man did and a horrible thing that happened to you, But I AM NOT THAT MAN KHUSHI!!’ his temper rose with each word. ‘I AM NOT HIM!!’ he spat out and then continued in a a controlled voice, ‘I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU!! All these wedding functions,’ he waved in the general direction of the hall outside, ‘should tell you that: that I am in this for life! Because I love you. I LOVE YOU DAMNIT!!’ he gripped her shoulders with both his hands and shook her, as if that would finally get his words and feelings to settle inside her. ‘What more must I do to convince you?’ he beseeched her face for some answer, but got none as she stared mutely at him, still in shock over what she had nearly done, what he had done in response and now, what he was saying.
‘WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!!’ there was desperation in his voice now and it tugged at her hurt. ‘Why are you so hellbent on trying to falsify my love instead of embracing it?!’ He cried in her face and then as if suddenly run out of steam, he lowered his hands from her arms and rested them on the wall either side of her face, as his face inched in closer to hers’. ‘Why are you under-valuing yourself Khushi?!’ he whispered. ‘You are beautiful! You are worth loving! You are worth every effort I have made and will continue to make in order to gain your trust and love Khushi. You are an incredible being, don’t degrade yourself like this, don’t let your past define you, because it does NOT define you. YOU define YOU!! YOUR FAMILY defines YOU!! YOUR FRIENDS define YOU!! And….. And MY LOVE, defines YOU!! Khushi…’ he now cupped her face, as his voice and countenance changed emotion from anger to plea.
‘Khushi…’ he whispered, again. ‘If you want to believe anything, trust anything, than let this be it.’ He raised his head and kissed her on her forehead. ‘Believe my love. That is real, forget everything else. I am real; as real as the sensation you feel in your cheeks by my touch, as real as the drumming heart-beat in your ears at my proximity. As real as the warmth that infuses and settles in the pit of your stomach with my breath on your neck. I am real Khushi. And I am yours’. Only yours’. Understand that. Believe that. Trust that.’ A tear dropped from his eye as he blinked the emotion back and turned away from her, not wanting to completely bleed out in front of her. But it was in vain, for the salty drop of his wounded love left its’ stinging taste on her quivering lips, forcing her to soak everything he had done and said in the past twenty minutes.
‘Ehmmph.’ His sniff, jerked her out of the trance his tear on her lips had prevailed her into. She saw him raise his hand next to his face, she couldn’t see what he was doing exactly as his back was towards her, but judging from the way his hands were moving and the numbness she saw on them as he moved them away from his face, she knew he had been wiping more tears. She felt a stab at her heart. She had made him cry. She felt like someone was suffocating her heart, for having hurt him so callously. ‘Fix yourself. I’ll be in the car waiting.’ He ordered again, in a hoarse voice, as he turned to open the door and leave, without even stopping to look at her. She had hurt him so much, had offended his love so cruelly that he couldn’t even look at her, what had she done?!! Why did she distrust him so much? Why was she hellbent on falsifying his love than embracing it? His question echoed in her mind and she had no answer for it; only accusations for herself.
‘Try not to let anyone see you when you leave the house, otherwise they will ask questions and make assumptions that I really do not have the stamina of facing at this hour.’ He said from behind the door that stood as a partition between them and then, he was gone, after making sure the door had closed behind him so as not to let anyone spy Khushi while she tidied herself up.
EEEEEUUUUUUURRRRRRRKKK!!!
‘KHUSHI!!’ Arnav braked the jeep suddenly, causing her to jolt forward in her seat and start up.
‘What? What?!’ she asked, completely baffled by his accusing shout and stare. He eyed her angrily whilst unplugging his seat-belt and then getting out of the car, in the middle of an empty road. What? What had she done now? She rattled her brain for anything she had done in that past ten minutes during which they had been on the road for, as he rounded the car to her side. She had come quietly and sat silently in the car, not wanting to invite his anger again, which seemed to have gone down to a simmer by then.
But that wasn’t the only reason behind her silence; she had been thinking through everything that had happened, trying to make sense of it and more importantly finally beginning to realize that she had been wrong all along regarding Arnav’s intentions and his love. She had taken every and any little excuse she could find to paint him into a monster, when in truth she was the real monster. Or rather her fear, which kept overshadowing all the obvious signs in front of her that had been lit in neon lights, surrounded by flashing lights with fluorescent arrows pointing towards them that this man was head-over-heels in love with her. Signs which all her nearest and dearest had seen, but she had chosen to turn a blind eye to until he had finally ripped her eyes open forcing her to see the truth that she was choosing to ignore.
He had won, just like she had said earlier. He had made her finally see his love, just like he had said she would. She had lost, just like she had believed earlier, but not in the way she had thought. She had lost her heart, before, on that fateful night when she discovered Shyam’s truth, but tonight, tonight she had found it again. Arnav had given more than her aanchal back earlier that night, he had given her heart back, which was now reconciling her, with his love, making her understand that the man who was opening her passenger side door angrily, was in love with her and only her, and if she had any doubt regarding it all she needed to do was look into his eyes where only worry resided – molten chocolate worry for her; and she felt her breath stutter at the sight of such concern.
‘You’re bleeding Khushi.’ He said as he opened the passenger side door. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘What?’ she snapped out of her reverie. ‘No I’m not – hunh!’ she gasped as her eyes went to the spot where his were transfixed, ‘Oh my god I am.’ She clapped her right had to her mouth just as Arnav pulled out her left hand and displayed the bleeding wrist in front of her eyes, making her realize that she was indeed bleeding. When had that happened? And how had she not realized it? It wasn’t even like it was a spot of blood from a tiny scratch that she wouldn’t registered, it was a lot of blood with something green sticking out of her flesh, how could she not have noticed that, or felt the pain? Which she now felt at seeing the injury. That was weird.
She watched as Arnav fussed and fretted over her wrist, whilst scolding her for staying mum about it. He went to work on it, by pulling out a first aid kit from the glove-compartment and cleaning the wound with a wad of cotton. Then he moved to pull out the broken glass bangle that had lodged itself in her wrist. He tried with his fingers first, but the piece was too small for him to be able to get a grip on it and instead it ended up going further in, making her flinch. He immediately apologized for the pain. She mumbled an incoherent ‘its’ ok’ but he wasn’t listening, too busy at trying to figure out a way to pull it out.A light went on behind his eyes, an idea occurred on how he may be able to pull the bangle out. He lowered his face to her hand, pressed his lips on the base of her palm, as his teeth clasped onto the green-glass and pulled it out carefully.
As soon as the his lips made their electric contact against her beating pulse, it increased its speed ten-fold, and she got her answer: Arnav. He was the reason why she hadn’t noticed the pain earlier, just the way she didn’t notice it now. She must have been too lost in him and the emotional pain she had inflicted upon him to register her own physical pain, just the way she was immersed in him right now, that it blocked out the throbbing she had felt moments before. There was such grave concern etched on his face as he pulled the glass piece out and spat it on the road, then went about cleaning the wound, now with an antiseptic, which he blew on occasionally to stop it from stinging, not even realizing that she didn’t feel it for she was too busy feeling his pain. How had that happen? When had she started registering his pain over hers’? She understood why he was in pain at this moment because she was injured and as he loved her he felt it acutely, but why did she feel his pain? She didn’t love him. Did she? He certainly claimed that she did. And he had been right so far, so could he be right about this too?
She was still staring at him, deep in thought when his voice shook her out of them. ‘Khushi. You ok? Do you feel light-headed or something?’
‘Hunh? oh…uh…no. No I’m fine.’ She nervously tucked her loose bangs behind her ear and clutched the folds of her sari. He stared, recognizing her nervous tick well, but not comprehending as to why she suddenly felt nervous.
‘Khushi? You sure you ok?’ he cocked his brow in concern.
‘Yes. Yes. Fine. Thank you, for this.’ She waved her left wrist and then flinched. She shouldn’t have done that. Now that she was out of his spell, she felt the pain. ‘Eh.’ She gasped.
‘Khushi.’ He stressed, annoyance in his voice. ‘Careful. Where was your attention anyway? How could you not have realized your wrist had a bangle stuck in it? You can really be so aloof at times, it really is incredible. I mean what could have possibly, taken over your attention so wholly that – Oh god.’ Arnav suddenly stopped short, as he recalled the events that had led them to this moment in the car, in the middle of the road, at this hour. ‘Did I do this?’ his voice now changed from scolding to sheer guilt, as he recalled nailing her to the wall, half an hour ago. Had he in his rage at some point broken her bangles resulting in one of them stabbing her wrist? Why was it that he always hurt her? His face turned green at the very thought of hurting her so brutally in his anger.
Khushi saw where his thoughts had led him and immediately hated herself for further causing him more distress this night. Her actions had lead him to lose his temper which led him to break her bangles at some point in his soliloquy, which now resulted in him feeling contempt for himself due to inflicting pain on her. Great? So many screw-ups tonight Khushi Kumari Gupta!! But no she wouldn’t allow this. She couldn’t let him blame himself. Not when it was not his fault, she had provoked him.
‘No. I remember now, I tripped earlier, the bangles must have broken then.’ Khushi lied, in order to save him from the guilt of the broken bangle at least. It worked, colour began coming back into his face and then the scolding began again, at which a small smile curved the corners of her mouth. She liked him fussing over her.
‘Seriously, Khushi, I should just buy you a giant bubble to walk around in. You are a hazard to yourself.’ He muttered crossly, as he shoved the first-aid box back inside the glove compartment. She followed his hands and something silver caught her eyes, as he made to close the compartment.
‘Wait. What’s that?’ she stopped him. He followed her gaze as she pulled out a pair of shiny chains, not recalling what they were himself until they were in her hands. ‘My payal.’ She started. ‘What are they doing here?’ she looked from them to him.
‘I…umm…’ he racked his brain as he jogged his memory to remember how they had gotten there. ‘I forgot these were here.’ He replied, honestly. Then went on to explain as she continued to pin him with her questioning stare. ‘The nurse gave them to me, when I took you to the hospital, from Di’s house….’ His voice trailed off, not wanting to discuss that dire day.
‘Oh.’ Was all she replied, unsure of what to say herself. Neither of them had ever talked about what had taken place in the hospital and what had led her to the hospital in the first place: his anger and error in judgement.
‘They were my Amma’s. The only thing that survived in the car crash. Well that and me. Her clothes were burnt and her other jewelry charred or broken, but her anklets survived unscathed. I have worn them ever since. I thought I had lost them…’ She let her voice trail as she bounced them absentmindedly in her palm letting them jingle. Arnav fidgeted with the first-aid box in his hand unsure of what to say. He didn’t need to contemplate too long, however, for she broke the awkward silence a few minutes later, ‘You know what’s funny Arnav ji? My Amma always used to complain that I was closer to my Bauji and I used to say, yes, I was because Bauji was nicer….he spoiled me,’ she explained, ‘I was his princess, whereas Amma, like any good mother, disciplined me. But the funny thing is, I miss her more then I miss him.’ Her eyes were pooling now, as her voice cracked. ‘I mean I miss my Bauji terribly too, but I miss her more. I miss her proud smile when I would flaunt over Bauji, her teary eyes when I would get hurt, her love that she showered upon me when I did well in school, her aggravated sigh when I didn’t listen to her, and most of all her…her scoldings when- hic.’ She hiccuped, the emotion overwhelming her completely. ‘I miss her so much.’ she sniffed as the first brave tear left the well in her eyes and fell into her lap.
Arnav listened helplessly, unsure of what to do. How should he calm her? How should he make her feel better? She lifted her hands to wipe her eyes, making the few bangles left in them jingle, giving him an idea as his eyes shifted from her bangles that had clanked together at the movement to the anklets still resting in her other palm.
‘Khushi.’ He called her to attention softly, she looked up. ‘May I?’ he asked, gesturing towards the anklets. She stared from them to his eyes that asked the question. She nodded in gratitude and he knelt down to unite her ankles with her mother’s anklets once more.
‘Thank you.’ she exhaled when he was done and admired her once again jingling ankles while Arnav gazed upon her as guilt engulfed him, until he finally gathered the courage to say what he had wanted to say, as soon as the anklets had come out.
‘Khushi.’
‘Mmm.’ She looked up, causing him to look away, before forcing himself to meet her eyes again after mentally reprimanding himself to do what he should have done long ago.
‘I…uh. I never apologised.’ Confusion clouded her hazel eyes, not following his train of thought. ‘That day, in the hospital. It was my fault. If I hadn’t left you at Di’s house, then you wouldn’t have ended up in that state. I mean you could have die-‘ he voice cracked at the thought of what he had nearly let happen in his stupidity, ‘I…I really am so sor-‘
‘Arnav ji. Thank you for what you did that day.’ She interrupted him, causing him stare at her in confusion now. His actions could have led to her death and she was thanking him?!! ‘If you hadn’t run into that building not caring about how the ceiling may fall down on you too, just for me, and had you not kept your cool whilst addressing my wound to stop the bleeding I wouldn’t have survived. The doctors told me, I would have bled out, if not for your tourniquet. So thank you. Thank you for saving my life.’ She smiled.
‘Khushi-‘
‘Uh-uh.’ She shook her head stopping him and putting and end to that conversation. ‘Just leave it at that Arnav ji, don’t dwell on what may have happened, but on what you didn’t let happen. For which my family and I will eternally be grateful.’ This time her smile brought such a sweet twinkle in her eyes that he felt they lit a fire of gratitude inside him. She was incredible, his Khushi. Instead of blaming him, she had found a way of not letting him blame himself either.
‘Arnav ji?’ her soft voice broke his reverie.
‘Yes?’
‘Are you planning to set up camp here in the middle of the road, or will you take me home? I mean I don’t mind, I have always wanted to sleep in the out doors ever since I watched Qyamat Se Qyamat Tak, but didn’t think I would be in a sari like this, when I did.’ She raised her eye-brows and gave him a side, cheeky smile. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his face.
‘Buckle yourself in Khushi Kumari Gupta.’ He said, as he put the medical box back inside then shut her door and made his way back to his seat, plugged himself in and put the car back into first gear as he drove off into her house’s direction. This time a comfortable silence replaced the tense one that had filled the car on the initial part of their journey.
‘KHUSHI!!’ Arnav braked the jeep suddenly, causing her to jolt forward in her seat and start up.
‘What? What?!’ she asked, completely baffled by his accusing shout and stare. He eyed her angrily whilst unplugging his seat-belt and then getting out of the car, in the middle of an empty road. What? What had she done now? She rattled her brain for anything she had done in that past ten minutes during which they had been on the road for, as he rounded the car to her side. She had come quietly and sat silently in the car, not wanting to invite his anger again, which seemed to have gone down to a simmer by then.
But that wasn’t the only reason behind her silence; she had been thinking through everything that had happened, trying to make sense of it and more importantly finally beginning to realize that she had been wrong all along regarding Arnav’s intentions and his love. She had taken every and any little excuse she could find to paint him into a monster, when in truth she was the real monster. Or rather her fear, which kept overshadowing all the obvious signs in front of her that had been lit in neon lights, surrounded by flashing lights with fluorescent arrows pointing towards them that this man was head-over-heels in love with her. Signs which all her nearest and dearest had seen, but she had chosen to turn a blind eye to until he had finally ripped her eyes open forcing her to see the truth that she was choosing to ignore.
He had won, just like she had said earlier. He had made her finally see his love, just like he had said she would. She had lost, just like she had believed earlier, but not in the way she had thought. She had lost her heart, before, on that fateful night when she discovered Shyam’s truth, but tonight, tonight she had found it again. Arnav had given more than her aanchal back earlier that night, he had given her heart back, which was now reconciling her, with his love, making her understand that the man who was opening her passenger side door angrily, was in love with her and only her, and if she had any doubt regarding it all she needed to do was look into his eyes where only worry resided – molten chocolate worry for her; and she felt her breath stutter at the sight of such concern.
‘You’re bleeding Khushi.’ He said as he opened the passenger side door. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘What?’ she snapped out of her reverie. ‘No I’m not – hunh!’ she gasped as her eyes went to the spot where his were transfixed, ‘Oh my god I am.’ She clapped her right had to her mouth just as Arnav pulled out her left hand and displayed the bleeding wrist in front of her eyes, making her realize that she was indeed bleeding. When had that happened? And how had she not realized it? It wasn’t even like it was a spot of blood from a tiny scratch that she wouldn’t registered, it was a lot of blood with something green sticking out of her flesh, how could she not have noticed that, or felt the pain? Which she now felt at seeing the injury. That was weird.
She watched as Arnav fussed and fretted over her wrist, whilst scolding her for staying mum about it. He went to work on it, by pulling out a first aid kit from the glove-compartment and cleaning the wound with a wad of cotton. Then he moved to pull out the broken glass bangle that had lodged itself in her wrist. He tried with his fingers first, but the piece was too small for him to be able to get a grip on it and instead it ended up going further in, making her flinch. He immediately apologized for the pain. She mumbled an incoherent ‘its’ ok’ but he wasn’t listening, too busy at trying to figure out a way to pull it out.A light went on behind his eyes, an idea occurred on how he may be able to pull the bangle out. He lowered his face to her hand, pressed his lips on the base of her palm, as his teeth clasped onto the green-glass and pulled it out carefully.
As soon as the his lips made their electric contact against her beating pulse, it increased its speed ten-fold, and she got her answer: Arnav. He was the reason why she hadn’t noticed the pain earlier, just the way she didn’t notice it now. She must have been too lost in him and the emotional pain she had inflicted upon him to register her own physical pain, just the way she was immersed in him right now, that it blocked out the throbbing she had felt moments before. There was such grave concern etched on his face as he pulled the glass piece out and spat it on the road, then went about cleaning the wound, now with an antiseptic, which he blew on occasionally to stop it from stinging, not even realizing that she didn’t feel it for she was too busy feeling his pain. How had that happen? When had she started registering his pain over hers’? She understood why he was in pain at this moment because she was injured and as he loved her he felt it acutely, but why did she feel his pain? She didn’t love him. Did she? He certainly claimed that she did. And he had been right so far, so could he be right about this too?
She was still staring at him, deep in thought when his voice shook her out of them. ‘Khushi. You ok? Do you feel light-headed or something?’
‘Hunh? oh…uh…no. No I’m fine.’ She nervously tucked her loose bangs behind her ear and clutched the folds of her sari. He stared, recognizing her nervous tick well, but not comprehending as to why she suddenly felt nervous.
‘Khushi? You sure you ok?’ he cocked his brow in concern.
‘Yes. Yes. Fine. Thank you, for this.’ She waved her left wrist and then flinched. She shouldn’t have done that. Now that she was out of his spell, she felt the pain. ‘Eh.’ She gasped.
‘Khushi.’ He stressed, annoyance in his voice. ‘Careful. Where was your attention anyway? How could you not have realized your wrist had a bangle stuck in it? You can really be so aloof at times, it really is incredible. I mean what could have possibly, taken over your attention so wholly that – Oh god.’ Arnav suddenly stopped short, as he recalled the events that had led them to this moment in the car, in the middle of the road, at this hour. ‘Did I do this?’ his voice now changed from scolding to sheer guilt, as he recalled nailing her to the wall, half an hour ago. Had he in his rage at some point broken her bangles resulting in one of them stabbing her wrist? Why was it that he always hurt her? His face turned green at the very thought of hurting her so brutally in his anger.
Khushi saw where his thoughts had led him and immediately hated herself for further causing him more distress this night. Her actions had lead him to lose his temper which led him to break her bangles at some point in his soliloquy, which now resulted in him feeling contempt for himself due to inflicting pain on her. Great? So many screw-ups tonight Khushi Kumari Gupta!! But no she wouldn’t allow this. She couldn’t let him blame himself. Not when it was not his fault, she had provoked him.
‘No. I remember now, I tripped earlier, the bangles must have broken then.’ Khushi lied, in order to save him from the guilt of the broken bangle at least. It worked, colour began coming back into his face and then the scolding began again, at which a small smile curved the corners of her mouth. She liked him fussing over her.
‘Seriously, Khushi, I should just buy you a giant bubble to walk around in. You are a hazard to yourself.’ He muttered crossly, as he shoved the first-aid box back inside the glove compartment. She followed his hands and something silver caught her eyes, as he made to close the compartment.
‘Wait. What’s that?’ she stopped him. He followed her gaze as she pulled out a pair of shiny chains, not recalling what they were himself until they were in her hands. ‘My payal.’ She started. ‘What are they doing here?’ she looked from them to him.
‘I…umm…’ he racked his brain as he jogged his memory to remember how they had gotten there. ‘I forgot these were here.’ He replied, honestly. Then went on to explain as she continued to pin him with her questioning stare. ‘The nurse gave them to me, when I took you to the hospital, from Di’s house….’ His voice trailed off, not wanting to discuss that dire day.
‘Oh.’ Was all she replied, unsure of what to say herself. Neither of them had ever talked about what had taken place in the hospital and what had led her to the hospital in the first place: his anger and error in judgement.
‘They were my Amma’s. The only thing that survived in the car crash. Well that and me. Her clothes were burnt and her other jewelry charred or broken, but her anklets survived unscathed. I have worn them ever since. I thought I had lost them…’ She let her voice trail as she bounced them absentmindedly in her palm letting them jingle. Arnav fidgeted with the first-aid box in his hand unsure of what to say. He didn’t need to contemplate too long, however, for she broke the awkward silence a few minutes later, ‘You know what’s funny Arnav ji? My Amma always used to complain that I was closer to my Bauji and I used to say, yes, I was because Bauji was nicer….he spoiled me,’ she explained, ‘I was his princess, whereas Amma, like any good mother, disciplined me. But the funny thing is, I miss her more then I miss him.’ Her eyes were pooling now, as her voice cracked. ‘I mean I miss my Bauji terribly too, but I miss her more. I miss her proud smile when I would flaunt over Bauji, her teary eyes when I would get hurt, her love that she showered upon me when I did well in school, her aggravated sigh when I didn’t listen to her, and most of all her…her scoldings when- hic.’ She hiccuped, the emotion overwhelming her completely. ‘I miss her so much.’ she sniffed as the first brave tear left the well in her eyes and fell into her lap.
Arnav listened helplessly, unsure of what to do. How should he calm her? How should he make her feel better? She lifted her hands to wipe her eyes, making the few bangles left in them jingle, giving him an idea as his eyes shifted from her bangles that had clanked together at the movement to the anklets still resting in her other palm.
‘Khushi.’ He called her to attention softly, she looked up. ‘May I?’ he asked, gesturing towards the anklets. She stared from them to his eyes that asked the question. She nodded in gratitude and he knelt down to unite her ankles with her mother’s anklets once more.
‘Thank you.’ she exhaled when he was done and admired her once again jingling ankles while Arnav gazed upon her as guilt engulfed him, until he finally gathered the courage to say what he had wanted to say, as soon as the anklets had come out.
‘Khushi.’
‘Mmm.’ She looked up, causing him to look away, before forcing himself to meet her eyes again after mentally reprimanding himself to do what he should have done long ago.
‘I…uh. I never apologised.’ Confusion clouded her hazel eyes, not following his train of thought. ‘That day, in the hospital. It was my fault. If I hadn’t left you at Di’s house, then you wouldn’t have ended up in that state. I mean you could have die-‘ he voice cracked at the thought of what he had nearly let happen in his stupidity, ‘I…I really am so sor-‘
‘Arnav ji. Thank you for what you did that day.’ She interrupted him, causing him stare at her in confusion now. His actions could have led to her death and she was thanking him?!! ‘If you hadn’t run into that building not caring about how the ceiling may fall down on you too, just for me, and had you not kept your cool whilst addressing my wound to stop the bleeding I wouldn’t have survived. The doctors told me, I would have bled out, if not for your tourniquet. So thank you. Thank you for saving my life.’ She smiled.
‘Khushi-‘
‘Uh-uh.’ She shook her head stopping him and putting and end to that conversation. ‘Just leave it at that Arnav ji, don’t dwell on what may have happened, but on what you didn’t let happen. For which my family and I will eternally be grateful.’ This time her smile brought such a sweet twinkle in her eyes that he felt they lit a fire of gratitude inside him. She was incredible, his Khushi. Instead of blaming him, she had found a way of not letting him blame himself either.
‘Arnav ji?’ her soft voice broke his reverie.
‘Yes?’
‘Are you planning to set up camp here in the middle of the road, or will you take me home? I mean I don’t mind, I have always wanted to sleep in the out doors ever since I watched Qyamat Se Qyamat Tak, but didn’t think I would be in a sari like this, when I did.’ She raised her eye-brows and gave him a side, cheeky smile. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his face.
‘Buckle yourself in Khushi Kumari Gupta.’ He said, as he put the medical box back inside then shut her door and made his way back to his seat, plugged himself in and put the car back into first gear as he drove off into her house’s direction. This time a comfortable silence replaced the tense one that had filled the car on the initial part of their journey.
*****
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