When Arnav entered LaANK he found it completely empty. Well of course it was, only he liked to work on Sundays, no one else. Well, no one but Khushi, considering it was her choice to be here that led him to come here. He looked around the office but did not find her, but she was definitely here, one because he had seen her purse on her desk and secondly, he just knew she was. It was like he could sense her, it was weird, but he didn’t know how else to put it, even before he had spotted her bag he knew that she was at the office. It was a crazy, yet a remarkable feeling to just now that she was there, closeby.
Upon not finding her on the ground floor, he walked over to the stairs that led upstairs to his cabin. It didn’t make sense that she would be there, but considering he couldn’t locate her on the first floor it was worth a try. He had just reached the steps when he saw the door to the stage room ajar. His heart skipped a beat, he hadn’t checked there. He had only scanned the office area forgetting about the corridor that led to the staging area. He turned and headed straight towards the open door. Inside, it was dark but a light was coming from the other end of the room: the dressing rooms. He swiftly strode towards them. He had just been contemplating which dressing room to check in when he heard a muffled cry from behind door number three.
‘Argh!!’
‘KHUSHI!’ he bellowed as he stormed into the dressing room, only to be taken aback by what he saw. ‘What the-? Khushi what are you doing?’ he asked, completely baffled by what he saw. She was sprawled on the floor covered in fairy lights.
‘Oh, you know, just wondering how Amit ji felt in the song Saara Zamana….’ She stated sarcastically, after getting over the initial shock of finding him of all people there.
‘What?!’ Arnav asked, now completely lost.
‘Uffo! Really DM out of all the people to send for my help you send me a person with zero filmy knowledge and lacking in total common sense!!’ she said irritably, as she struggled to get out of the web of fairy lights, only to end up getting further tangled in them.
‘Excuse me? You’re the one who has wrapped herself in fairy lights and are telling me that I’m lacking in common sense. Where is the sense in getting wound up in fairy lights and that too when they are connected to a plug?!’ He huffed.
‘I didn’t wrap it around me on purpose, I fell.’ She huffed, defensively. ‘Some idiot left a shoebox next to the door so that when I walked in I tripped over it and to stop my fall I latched on to these, only these aren’t stable so they came down with me. And if I lack in common sense then so do you, because I don’t see what sense you see in standing there and asking me nonsensical questions instead of helping me up!’ she rebuked.
Arnav opened his mouth to argue, but realized she was right, first he needed to help her out, before she electrocuted herself, afterwards he could deal with her inability to go anywhere without getting herself in trouble. He walked towards her scolding her as he did, ‘Khushi when will you learn to mind your surround- OWARGH!!’ in keeping his eyes on her he too missed the box she had just mentioned and found himself tripping over it and landing right on top of her.
For a moment both of them stared at each other. Then, ‘when you start minding your’s’ Khushi replied, irritated with the situation, but a moment later couldn’t help but laugh, at how he had fallen just the way she had when he was claiming to be more alert then her.
He too burst into laughter. How could he not, he had walked or rather fallen right into the joke. After a while his laughter faded into a smile as he watched her continue to laugh hystericaly. She looked like a complete child. Her laughter was contagious and compelling; one couldn’t help but look at her and join in her joy. As he watched she continued to shake with laughter, it gave him such joy that he had managed to bring her such pleasure in one moment. It was a hearty laugh that numbed his eyes, for he knew she hadn’t laughed like this in a long time, no one had given her a reason too. The closest he had seen her come to this sort of happiness was when she had been selected as LaANK’s designer. At that moment she had bounced around on her feet to express it and today after such a long time she was enjoying a moment wholly again, metres away from the spot where she had taken his heart away in her red sari.
‘Slleeaaah!!’ her laughter came to an abrupt end with her exclamation, which jogged Arnav out the trance her laugher had sent him in.
‘Are you ok?’ he asked worried, inches away from her face. She turned to face him and instantly grew uncomfortable with him being this close to her.
‘No…I…slaah’ she jerked her arm from somewhere underneath him, ‘its’ the lights, their current is stinging me…can you move off me, or are you tangled too?’ she asked, as she wriggled beneath him, trying desparatly to move out from under him.
‘Stop!’ he ordered. He knew why she was writhing under him, but her moving about would only result in more shocks. ‘Stay still, I’ll get up and then help you up, ok?’ he suggested in a politer tone then the earlier command. She nodded.
Slowly and carefully he heaved himself up and off of her. Once he was standing he held out his hand to her. Hesitantly she grabbed it. In one sinuous motion he jerked her up so that she was standing right next to him. Once she was upright she began to fiddle with the bulbbed wires trying to pry them off of her, but before she had managed to even get a strand off of her his hands caught hers’. ‘No. Wait, let me first turn the lights off, otherswise the current running through them will give you more shocks.’ With that he let go of her hand as fast as he had held them, walked around her and bent down to unplug the fairy lights. As soon as she stopped glowing like a Christmas tree she began pulling at the wires to get them off, only to get tangled into them further as she couldn’t locate the end. She groaned in frustration and Arnav came to her rescue.
‘Here, let me.’ He whispered from behind her, as he grabbed the end that was nestled against her lower back. She went rigid, as her breathing became shallow. She didn’t like the way his body was so close to hers’. How it radiated of warmth and safety. How her body wished to betray her reserve and go even closer to him then she already was. Slowly he pivoted her around, towards him, as he unwound the wire. Their eyes met and Khushi felt her heart skip a beat. There was a new emotion in his eyes, one she had never seen before. One he had never let her see before. It was tenderness, towards her. But that wasn’t it, there was something more, she shut her eyes; afraid to explore what it was. It scared her to see the once cold, dark, impenetrable eyes melt and become choclaty warm, with unfathomable passion in them.
‘Khushi…you can open your eyes now, the wire is unwrapped.’ He whispered softly, too close to her, for she felt his breath play across her face, leaving its minty scent on herr cheeks. As she opened her eyes, she let out her breath, she didn’t know when she had held it in, but it had been somewhere between him grazing the side of his hand against her waist and then sliding it down her back leaving a burning sensation that had nothing to do with the hot wire he unwound. As her bearings began to come back to her she averted her gaze from him and stepped aside, adjusting her duppatta, not that it needed any adjusting, but it was her nervous tick, one he knew well.
‘So…did you come in here for a reason?’ he asked, to try and mull over the awkward moment.
‘Hunh? Oh yeah, Mihraj ji had said that the mock ups for my designs were complete so I wanted to see the- wait, hang on a second, what are you doing here?’ she turned around and asked him, as it occurred to her that he had not explained his reason for being at the office.
‘I…uh….its’ my office.’ He said in an obvious sort of tone, as that should be reason enough.
‘Yes. It’s mine too, as in I work here too,’ she amended before he could correct her, ‘so what brought you out here on a Sunday?’ she asked him again, eyeing him closely.
‘Uh…’ and then he remembered, ‘the fashion show, its’ in two week’s time there is a lot to be done, in fact I’m thinking next weekend I’ll have everyone doing over time so that all is ready for the big day.’ He stated.
‘Oh. Yeah, makes sense, there is still so much to do.’ She agreed with him as he breathed a sigh of relief, for her not further questioning him about exactly what he had come here to do for the fashion show. ‘Ok, well I guess I’ll leave you to it.’ She said as she began walking away.
‘Oh….and thank you…for you know, helping me out with the lights….’ She said at the door and then was out of the room, before he remembered his real reason for being here.
‘Khushi…’ he called out, as he followed her out of the room. But she wasn’t in the back stage area, she had gone into the next room, looking for her designs. He followed her in to dressing room four and found her with her mock ups. She was musing over them, so didn’t hear him come in. ‘Khushi.’ He said again. She jumped up at his voice.
‘Uffo…Arnav ji, you scared me.’ She exhaled as she put a hand on her chest to calm her heart. ‘Don’t you have some work to do?’ she asked off-handedly as she turned away from him and continued on examining the piece in front of her.
‘Khushi, there is something I need to,’ he began ignoring her question but seeing her faced the other way, irritation began to rise inside, ‘Khushi are you even listening to me?’ he asked.
‘Mmmm….yeah. It’s up to you.’ She said absentmindedly, not at all following the conversation.
‘What?’ he exclaimed. ‘Khushi will you look at me while I’m talking to you?’ he stipulated, but she didn’t respond by word or action. ‘Khushi.’ He walked right behind her.
‘Hunh! Oh My God!’ she suddenly cried out.
‘What? What is it?’ he inquired, forgetting his need to apologise to her.
‘This,’ she pointed at a button on the sleeve, with a horrified expression.
‘What about it?’ he asked, not following her horror.
‘It’s wrong, that’s why you didn’t like the design right? Nanhe ji told me you had a problem with one of them, when I left to Lucknow, I see now, this is a big problem…’ she ranted on, appalled by the button that had been stitched on the sleeve. Arnav stared at her in disbelief, was she for real? He was here trying to apologise and she was off on a tangent about some button, which he hadn’t noticed or even cared about. Annoying NK just had to mention his lie to her about why he was searching for Khushi. Leave him to forget about big business meetings but when it came to Khushi he would remember even the most insignificant of things!!
‘Khushi, forget the button and listen to me!’ he snapped, as he yanked her arm and turned her around. Wrong move, he regretted it, instantly.
‘OUCH!!’ She whimpered in pain. ‘Ssssaaaah…that hurts Arnav ji.’ She moaned, he let go instantly and saw a bruise on her arm, where he had just gripped her.
‘Did I just do that?’ he asked horrified with himself.
‘Wha?’ she followed his gaze. ‘No.’ she replied hastily, as she tried to cover it with her dupatta, but he didn’t let her.
‘Khushi, wha- whe- how?’ he asked, choking on each question. It was a brownish/blue impression of fingers that deeply contrasted against her fair skin.
‘I…I bruise easily.’ Was all she replied.
‘But Khushi-‘ he was about to ask who had done that to her when he remembered, ‘your Buaji.’ He said in a low whisper, he recalled how she had yanked Khushi out of the room the day before. His contenance turned murderous.
‘Whatever….let it be.’ She said, not at all comfortable discussing the matter or the manner of her injury.
‘But Khushi-‘ He began.
‘Please Arnav ji, I don’t want to talk about it.’ She expressed as she turned away from him. ‘You wanted to say something?’ she asked after a while, wanting to change the topic, not realizing it was this he had wished to talk about.
‘Uh, yeah. Khushi, I….umm….yesterday…’ he took the cue and began on his apology.
‘Please Arnav ji, I said I don’t want to talk about what happened yesterday. It’s my problem and I will deal with it. You don’t need to worry yourself over it. I won’t let it get in the way of my work, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘Khushi, its’ not that.’ He started, again. Did she really think that this was about work? That he was concerned about her problems affecting her designing? Did she think him that heartless? Well of course she did, otherwise she wouldn’t have said it and come to think of it why wouldn’t she, he had always used work as a cover to mask his true reasons behind his concern for her.
‘Then what?’ she asked, turning around to face him.
‘Khushi, yesterday when-‘
‘Urgh. I said I don’t want to talk about it!’ she growled, peeved at him. ‘Besides why do you care anyway? Its’ nothing you haven’t done or said to me? My family share the same opinion regarding me as you do – wanting as little as possible to do with me. So why are you so hell-bent on bringing it up?’ she barked at him, unable to control the hurt inside her.
‘Khushi that’s not the opinion I hold for you and that’s what I’m trying to tell you!’ he snapped at her, unable to keep his temper from rising at her for not listening to what he had to say.
‘Really?’ she said sardonically, ‘Then I must have hallucinated our conversation, or rather the whole judgment you expressed regarding me, back in Nainitaal.’
‘Khushi, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, that I was wrong! That I didn’t know the truth, but now that I do, I regret what I said or assumed about you, understand?!’ he hollered at her annoyed that she wouldn’t listen to his apology, but was raving on about what he had said instead of what he was trying to say in this moment. She stared at him in disbelief. Was he… was he trying to apologise to her?
‘So wait….you came all the way here to…to apologise to me?’ she said after a moment, during which she took all he said in. ‘This is one hell of a way to apologise, Mr Raizada. But of course a man of your stature must find it difficult to apologise to such a low-life like me. Regardless of the fact that you jumped to horrible assumptions about me, I’m still a tainted women right, having slept with another man even if it was due to treachery, I still did it, right? So how can someone so pure like yourself apologise to a wretch like me?’ She said sourly, upset that he was trying to apologise and that too so indecently.
‘Khushi please stop. Stop degrading yourself, you’re not….not a…a-‘ but he couldn’t bring the word to his lips, he despised himself for having ever iterated it towards her.
‘What? I’m not a what Arnav ji? Not a homewrecker? Not a foul creature? Or not a whore? Which label are you having so much difficulty in spitting out today?’ she asked savagely.
‘Khushi please don’t. I hate myself for ever saying those words in your presence, if I had known, I never would have.’ He said remorsefully.
‘Oh you didn’t know. Fine. Ok. So now you do, now you know the truth about what exactly happened how that man tricked me into sleeping with him, so now what, Mr Raizada? Now that you know what’s making you choke on the apology I deserve?’
‘Khushi…I…I…’ he tried to say it but it was harder then he had thought it would be. The word was stuck in his throat.
‘Forget it. I don’t want your apology.’ She said after a while. ‘I don’t care for it, not from someone who didn’t care to stop and listen to my truth.’ She said as she turned and began walking away.
‘No, wait Khushi, please.’ He pleaded, from behind her. ‘I’m…I’m sorry.’ He slumped to the floor as he said the word. The full weight of the apology grounded him. She halted as soon as those words escaped his lips, she had never thought he would ever say them. She turned to face him and was shocked to find him kneeling before her. ‘I’m really really sorry…..so very sorry, Khushi.’ There were tears in his eyes and grave regret on his face. His image completely shook her from within. A man of his great stature was kneeling before her.
In an instant she forgot about the apology or his demeaning words in Nainitaal, all she could see was him in misery on the dirty dressing room floor. Immediately she bent down next to him, unable to take his fall, she didn’t like to see him broken this way, especially if she was the cause of it. If it was an apology he wanted he could have it, she didn’t care all she cared was for him to never bend before her, she wouldn’t be able to take that.
‘Arnav ji…’ she breathed desparately next to him. ‘Please, please don’t do this, get up. Please get up. Don’t humiliate me in this way by kneeling before me, please I won’t be able to bear it. I have had to bear too much already in these past few months I won’t be able to take your grief stricken state too. Please get up.’ She repeated again and again, tears in her eyes too.
‘Khushi how can I stand before you. I have hurt you so much. Made your life miserable. Given you immense pain. And you expect me to stand up in front of you? I cannot. I don’t deserve to stand near you. Once I was foolish enough to suggest that you don’t deserve my company, but the truth is, it’s me who doesn’t deserve your company Khushi. You are too good a soul to have anything to do with a black souled person like me. I just hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, for the way I have treated you.’ He cried before her, making her heart bleed. She couldn’t take it, his broken state.
‘No, please don’t say this….sshhhh. I bear you no hard feelings. Really I don’t. Just get up, please get up.’ She beseeched, as she cupped his face, wiping away his tears and forcing him to look at her, so that he took in what she said to him. ‘I swear Arnav ji, I bear no hard feelings towards you. You didn’t know the truth so it doesn’t matter what you said or did, for you did it in ignorance.’
‘No, but I should have made an effort to find out the truth instead of jumping to conclusions.’ He bashed himself.
‘Oh it doesn’t matter what you did and didn’t do. Really, all is forgotten. I forgive you. I do.’ She said, realizing that only that may stop him from the self-loathing he was going through. It did. He stopped averting his eyes from her’s and met them.
‘Really?’ he asked to make sure.
‘Yes.’ She nodded, with an encouraging smile and she meant it. All the anger, the hatred, the hurt she had ever felt towards him since he had labeled and bashed her back in Nanital now left her, for she could see true recompense in his eyes for saying what he had said in his ignorance. While she wasn’t happy about what he had said to her, she let it go because she saw that not only did he regret it, he finally saw her for who she truly was and she wanted nothing more than that, from him or anyone else. He didn’t judge her for her one act, not anymore and that was all that mattered.
‘Khushi……’ he began not knowing what to say. ‘Thank you, Khushi. I swear I really am sorry and I will do whatever it takes to become worthy of this forgiveness.’ He exclaimed as he bounded into a hug, surprising her.
After the initial shock wore off, she returned the hug, to let him know that she really bore him no hard feelings. But as she nestled her head next to his neck she couldn’t help but soak in the warmth that generated from him: the warmth of acceptance. It felt good to know that he didn’t resent her anymore. That he didn’t find her repulsive, like the other important people in her life did. He cradled her in his arms and she rocked with him. She had entered into the hug consoling him but now it was him consoling her and it felt good. It felt good to let her worries, anger, pain disappear in his welcoming embrace. They stayed in each others’ arms for a long time, not wanting to let go of the other, for both made the other feel wanted, needed. Together, the loneliness that had drowned them for so long seeped away. It was only when Arnav’s phone rang, did they both spring apart, wondering how long they had stayed in each others’ hold and secretly wishing they could have stayed on for a little longer.
‘Hello.’ Arnav spoke into the phone, answering it to avoid the embarrassment that was evident in his eyes as well as hers’.
‘What? Oh yeah, yeah I’m at LaANK..what? No. No Aman, there is no need for you to come in, I just needed to mend a relationship with an important client, which is done now, so don’t worry about it.’ He said whilst looking at Khushi, who was shocked to hear that the “important client” he was referring to was her, but pleased too, to know that she was important to him. ‘What?!! OF COURSE NOT AMAN!!’ he suddenly shouted, making her jump. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not fired! Why would you think that?!....Aman just because I don’t call you in on one weekend doesn’t mean that I have let you go, ok? You still have a job and I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, capice. No go off and enjoy your Sunday with your family and let me get on with my business, if I need I will call you.’ He added, just to ensure he understood that he wasn’t unemployed. He cut the phone, shaking his head, apparently the guard at the gate had notified Aman that Arnav had come in which had then sent him in a frenzy, as Arnav never went in to work on a weekend without calling him in too. Thus it had made him think that he had finally done something that had made Arnav decide to let him go.
‘All ok?’ Khushi asked, trying not to sound nervous regarding the hug that had taken place just before the phone call.
‘Hunh? Oh yeah. That was Aman…just being Aman.’ He said, not really knowing how to explain the conversation that had taken place. She nodded, then unable to think of anything else to say, she turned to leave. ‘Khushi, wait.’ Arnav called, she turned instantly.
‘Yes?’
‘Um…I…you…you really have forgiven me right?’ he needed to be sure. Needed to hear it from her again, that she had meant what she said, truly and not just because she had wanted him to stop apologizing to her.
‘Yes Arnav ji. I meant what I said.’ She smiled, making him smile.
‘Uh…but…umm…is there, is there anything I can do for you? I mean I want to… I need to be worthy of this apology that you have given me.’
‘You already are Arnav ji, you don’t have to do anything for it. Really you don’t.’ She reassured him. ‘You have no ill–feelings towards me that’s all that matters to me. I don’t want anything from you or anyone else for that matter.’ She said softly, then unable to stop herself from confessing her true desire she went on, ‘All I want is for my family to accept me, I don’t expect or want their forgiveness, for I don’t deserve it, all I want for them is to look at me and know that I am still their Khushi, who gets scared at night. Who scarfs down a whole plate of jalebis, when upset or happy. Who listens animatedly to all of Bauji and Buaji’s childhood stories and later drives Buaji crazy with them. Who giggles like a baby with Jiji over the stupidest of things, who…who is their Khushi: everything with them, nothing without them.’ She ranted sadly, as she sunk into the lonely dressing room chair, shaking with grief at being alienated from her family.
Her face was cupped in her hands and her shoulders hunched so that her view was completely blocked from Arnav, thus when he approached her she did not notice, it was only when he made contact did her whole being register it, causing sudden paralysis by the unexpected gesture.
Upon not finding her on the ground floor, he walked over to the stairs that led upstairs to his cabin. It didn’t make sense that she would be there, but considering he couldn’t locate her on the first floor it was worth a try. He had just reached the steps when he saw the door to the stage room ajar. His heart skipped a beat, he hadn’t checked there. He had only scanned the office area forgetting about the corridor that led to the staging area. He turned and headed straight towards the open door. Inside, it was dark but a light was coming from the other end of the room: the dressing rooms. He swiftly strode towards them. He had just been contemplating which dressing room to check in when he heard a muffled cry from behind door number three.
‘Argh!!’
‘KHUSHI!’ he bellowed as he stormed into the dressing room, only to be taken aback by what he saw. ‘What the-? Khushi what are you doing?’ he asked, completely baffled by what he saw. She was sprawled on the floor covered in fairy lights.
‘Oh, you know, just wondering how Amit ji felt in the song Saara Zamana….’ She stated sarcastically, after getting over the initial shock of finding him of all people there.
‘What?!’ Arnav asked, now completely lost.
‘Uffo! Really DM out of all the people to send for my help you send me a person with zero filmy knowledge and lacking in total common sense!!’ she said irritably, as she struggled to get out of the web of fairy lights, only to end up getting further tangled in them.
‘Excuse me? You’re the one who has wrapped herself in fairy lights and are telling me that I’m lacking in common sense. Where is the sense in getting wound up in fairy lights and that too when they are connected to a plug?!’ He huffed.
‘I didn’t wrap it around me on purpose, I fell.’ She huffed, defensively. ‘Some idiot left a shoebox next to the door so that when I walked in I tripped over it and to stop my fall I latched on to these, only these aren’t stable so they came down with me. And if I lack in common sense then so do you, because I don’t see what sense you see in standing there and asking me nonsensical questions instead of helping me up!’ she rebuked.
Arnav opened his mouth to argue, but realized she was right, first he needed to help her out, before she electrocuted herself, afterwards he could deal with her inability to go anywhere without getting herself in trouble. He walked towards her scolding her as he did, ‘Khushi when will you learn to mind your surround- OWARGH!!’ in keeping his eyes on her he too missed the box she had just mentioned and found himself tripping over it and landing right on top of her.
For a moment both of them stared at each other. Then, ‘when you start minding your’s’ Khushi replied, irritated with the situation, but a moment later couldn’t help but laugh, at how he had fallen just the way she had when he was claiming to be more alert then her.
He too burst into laughter. How could he not, he had walked or rather fallen right into the joke. After a while his laughter faded into a smile as he watched her continue to laugh hystericaly. She looked like a complete child. Her laughter was contagious and compelling; one couldn’t help but look at her and join in her joy. As he watched she continued to shake with laughter, it gave him such joy that he had managed to bring her such pleasure in one moment. It was a hearty laugh that numbed his eyes, for he knew she hadn’t laughed like this in a long time, no one had given her a reason too. The closest he had seen her come to this sort of happiness was when she had been selected as LaANK’s designer. At that moment she had bounced around on her feet to express it and today after such a long time she was enjoying a moment wholly again, metres away from the spot where she had taken his heart away in her red sari.
‘Slleeaaah!!’ her laughter came to an abrupt end with her exclamation, which jogged Arnav out the trance her laugher had sent him in.
‘Are you ok?’ he asked worried, inches away from her face. She turned to face him and instantly grew uncomfortable with him being this close to her.
‘No…I…slaah’ she jerked her arm from somewhere underneath him, ‘its’ the lights, their current is stinging me…can you move off me, or are you tangled too?’ she asked, as she wriggled beneath him, trying desparatly to move out from under him.
‘Stop!’ he ordered. He knew why she was writhing under him, but her moving about would only result in more shocks. ‘Stay still, I’ll get up and then help you up, ok?’ he suggested in a politer tone then the earlier command. She nodded.
Slowly and carefully he heaved himself up and off of her. Once he was standing he held out his hand to her. Hesitantly she grabbed it. In one sinuous motion he jerked her up so that she was standing right next to him. Once she was upright she began to fiddle with the bulbbed wires trying to pry them off of her, but before she had managed to even get a strand off of her his hands caught hers’. ‘No. Wait, let me first turn the lights off, otherswise the current running through them will give you more shocks.’ With that he let go of her hand as fast as he had held them, walked around her and bent down to unplug the fairy lights. As soon as she stopped glowing like a Christmas tree she began pulling at the wires to get them off, only to get tangled into them further as she couldn’t locate the end. She groaned in frustration and Arnav came to her rescue.
‘Here, let me.’ He whispered from behind her, as he grabbed the end that was nestled against her lower back. She went rigid, as her breathing became shallow. She didn’t like the way his body was so close to hers’. How it radiated of warmth and safety. How her body wished to betray her reserve and go even closer to him then she already was. Slowly he pivoted her around, towards him, as he unwound the wire. Their eyes met and Khushi felt her heart skip a beat. There was a new emotion in his eyes, one she had never seen before. One he had never let her see before. It was tenderness, towards her. But that wasn’t it, there was something more, she shut her eyes; afraid to explore what it was. It scared her to see the once cold, dark, impenetrable eyes melt and become choclaty warm, with unfathomable passion in them.
‘Khushi…you can open your eyes now, the wire is unwrapped.’ He whispered softly, too close to her, for she felt his breath play across her face, leaving its minty scent on herr cheeks. As she opened her eyes, she let out her breath, she didn’t know when she had held it in, but it had been somewhere between him grazing the side of his hand against her waist and then sliding it down her back leaving a burning sensation that had nothing to do with the hot wire he unwound. As her bearings began to come back to her she averted her gaze from him and stepped aside, adjusting her duppatta, not that it needed any adjusting, but it was her nervous tick, one he knew well.
‘So…did you come in here for a reason?’ he asked, to try and mull over the awkward moment.
‘Hunh? Oh yeah, Mihraj ji had said that the mock ups for my designs were complete so I wanted to see the- wait, hang on a second, what are you doing here?’ she turned around and asked him, as it occurred to her that he had not explained his reason for being at the office.
‘I…uh….its’ my office.’ He said in an obvious sort of tone, as that should be reason enough.
‘Yes. It’s mine too, as in I work here too,’ she amended before he could correct her, ‘so what brought you out here on a Sunday?’ she asked him again, eyeing him closely.
‘Uh…’ and then he remembered, ‘the fashion show, its’ in two week’s time there is a lot to be done, in fact I’m thinking next weekend I’ll have everyone doing over time so that all is ready for the big day.’ He stated.
‘Oh. Yeah, makes sense, there is still so much to do.’ She agreed with him as he breathed a sigh of relief, for her not further questioning him about exactly what he had come here to do for the fashion show. ‘Ok, well I guess I’ll leave you to it.’ She said as she began walking away.
‘Oh….and thank you…for you know, helping me out with the lights….’ She said at the door and then was out of the room, before he remembered his real reason for being here.
‘Khushi…’ he called out, as he followed her out of the room. But she wasn’t in the back stage area, she had gone into the next room, looking for her designs. He followed her in to dressing room four and found her with her mock ups. She was musing over them, so didn’t hear him come in. ‘Khushi.’ He said again. She jumped up at his voice.
‘Uffo…Arnav ji, you scared me.’ She exhaled as she put a hand on her chest to calm her heart. ‘Don’t you have some work to do?’ she asked off-handedly as she turned away from him and continued on examining the piece in front of her.
‘Khushi, there is something I need to,’ he began ignoring her question but seeing her faced the other way, irritation began to rise inside, ‘Khushi are you even listening to me?’ he asked.
‘Mmmm….yeah. It’s up to you.’ She said absentmindedly, not at all following the conversation.
‘What?’ he exclaimed. ‘Khushi will you look at me while I’m talking to you?’ he stipulated, but she didn’t respond by word or action. ‘Khushi.’ He walked right behind her.
‘Hunh! Oh My God!’ she suddenly cried out.
‘What? What is it?’ he inquired, forgetting his need to apologise to her.
‘This,’ she pointed at a button on the sleeve, with a horrified expression.
‘What about it?’ he asked, not following her horror.
‘It’s wrong, that’s why you didn’t like the design right? Nanhe ji told me you had a problem with one of them, when I left to Lucknow, I see now, this is a big problem…’ she ranted on, appalled by the button that had been stitched on the sleeve. Arnav stared at her in disbelief, was she for real? He was here trying to apologise and she was off on a tangent about some button, which he hadn’t noticed or even cared about. Annoying NK just had to mention his lie to her about why he was searching for Khushi. Leave him to forget about big business meetings but when it came to Khushi he would remember even the most insignificant of things!!
‘Khushi, forget the button and listen to me!’ he snapped, as he yanked her arm and turned her around. Wrong move, he regretted it, instantly.
‘OUCH!!’ She whimpered in pain. ‘Ssssaaaah…that hurts Arnav ji.’ She moaned, he let go instantly and saw a bruise on her arm, where he had just gripped her.
‘Did I just do that?’ he asked horrified with himself.
‘Wha?’ she followed his gaze. ‘No.’ she replied hastily, as she tried to cover it with her dupatta, but he didn’t let her.
‘Khushi, wha- whe- how?’ he asked, choking on each question. It was a brownish/blue impression of fingers that deeply contrasted against her fair skin.
‘I…I bruise easily.’ Was all she replied.
‘But Khushi-‘ he was about to ask who had done that to her when he remembered, ‘your Buaji.’ He said in a low whisper, he recalled how she had yanked Khushi out of the room the day before. His contenance turned murderous.
‘Whatever….let it be.’ She said, not at all comfortable discussing the matter or the manner of her injury.
‘But Khushi-‘ He began.
‘Please Arnav ji, I don’t want to talk about it.’ She expressed as she turned away from him. ‘You wanted to say something?’ she asked after a while, wanting to change the topic, not realizing it was this he had wished to talk about.
‘Uh, yeah. Khushi, I….umm….yesterday…’ he took the cue and began on his apology.
‘Please Arnav ji, I said I don’t want to talk about what happened yesterday. It’s my problem and I will deal with it. You don’t need to worry yourself over it. I won’t let it get in the way of my work, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘Khushi, its’ not that.’ He started, again. Did she really think that this was about work? That he was concerned about her problems affecting her designing? Did she think him that heartless? Well of course she did, otherwise she wouldn’t have said it and come to think of it why wouldn’t she, he had always used work as a cover to mask his true reasons behind his concern for her.
‘Then what?’ she asked, turning around to face him.
‘Khushi, yesterday when-‘
‘Urgh. I said I don’t want to talk about it!’ she growled, peeved at him. ‘Besides why do you care anyway? Its’ nothing you haven’t done or said to me? My family share the same opinion regarding me as you do – wanting as little as possible to do with me. So why are you so hell-bent on bringing it up?’ she barked at him, unable to control the hurt inside her.
‘Khushi that’s not the opinion I hold for you and that’s what I’m trying to tell you!’ he snapped at her, unable to keep his temper from rising at her for not listening to what he had to say.
‘Really?’ she said sardonically, ‘Then I must have hallucinated our conversation, or rather the whole judgment you expressed regarding me, back in Nainitaal.’
‘Khushi, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, that I was wrong! That I didn’t know the truth, but now that I do, I regret what I said or assumed about you, understand?!’ he hollered at her annoyed that she wouldn’t listen to his apology, but was raving on about what he had said instead of what he was trying to say in this moment. She stared at him in disbelief. Was he… was he trying to apologise to her?
‘So wait….you came all the way here to…to apologise to me?’ she said after a moment, during which she took all he said in. ‘This is one hell of a way to apologise, Mr Raizada. But of course a man of your stature must find it difficult to apologise to such a low-life like me. Regardless of the fact that you jumped to horrible assumptions about me, I’m still a tainted women right, having slept with another man even if it was due to treachery, I still did it, right? So how can someone so pure like yourself apologise to a wretch like me?’ She said sourly, upset that he was trying to apologise and that too so indecently.
‘Khushi please stop. Stop degrading yourself, you’re not….not a…a-‘ but he couldn’t bring the word to his lips, he despised himself for having ever iterated it towards her.
‘What? I’m not a what Arnav ji? Not a homewrecker? Not a foul creature? Or not a whore? Which label are you having so much difficulty in spitting out today?’ she asked savagely.
‘Khushi please don’t. I hate myself for ever saying those words in your presence, if I had known, I never would have.’ He said remorsefully.
‘Oh you didn’t know. Fine. Ok. So now you do, now you know the truth about what exactly happened how that man tricked me into sleeping with him, so now what, Mr Raizada? Now that you know what’s making you choke on the apology I deserve?’
‘Khushi…I…I…’ he tried to say it but it was harder then he had thought it would be. The word was stuck in his throat.
‘Forget it. I don’t want your apology.’ She said after a while. ‘I don’t care for it, not from someone who didn’t care to stop and listen to my truth.’ She said as she turned and began walking away.
‘No, wait Khushi, please.’ He pleaded, from behind her. ‘I’m…I’m sorry.’ He slumped to the floor as he said the word. The full weight of the apology grounded him. She halted as soon as those words escaped his lips, she had never thought he would ever say them. She turned to face him and was shocked to find him kneeling before her. ‘I’m really really sorry…..so very sorry, Khushi.’ There were tears in his eyes and grave regret on his face. His image completely shook her from within. A man of his great stature was kneeling before her.
In an instant she forgot about the apology or his demeaning words in Nainitaal, all she could see was him in misery on the dirty dressing room floor. Immediately she bent down next to him, unable to take his fall, she didn’t like to see him broken this way, especially if she was the cause of it. If it was an apology he wanted he could have it, she didn’t care all she cared was for him to never bend before her, she wouldn’t be able to take that.
‘Arnav ji…’ she breathed desparately next to him. ‘Please, please don’t do this, get up. Please get up. Don’t humiliate me in this way by kneeling before me, please I won’t be able to bear it. I have had to bear too much already in these past few months I won’t be able to take your grief stricken state too. Please get up.’ She repeated again and again, tears in her eyes too.
‘Khushi how can I stand before you. I have hurt you so much. Made your life miserable. Given you immense pain. And you expect me to stand up in front of you? I cannot. I don’t deserve to stand near you. Once I was foolish enough to suggest that you don’t deserve my company, but the truth is, it’s me who doesn’t deserve your company Khushi. You are too good a soul to have anything to do with a black souled person like me. I just hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, for the way I have treated you.’ He cried before her, making her heart bleed. She couldn’t take it, his broken state.
‘No, please don’t say this….sshhhh. I bear you no hard feelings. Really I don’t. Just get up, please get up.’ She beseeched, as she cupped his face, wiping away his tears and forcing him to look at her, so that he took in what she said to him. ‘I swear Arnav ji, I bear no hard feelings towards you. You didn’t know the truth so it doesn’t matter what you said or did, for you did it in ignorance.’
‘No, but I should have made an effort to find out the truth instead of jumping to conclusions.’ He bashed himself.
‘Oh it doesn’t matter what you did and didn’t do. Really, all is forgotten. I forgive you. I do.’ She said, realizing that only that may stop him from the self-loathing he was going through. It did. He stopped averting his eyes from her’s and met them.
‘Really?’ he asked to make sure.
‘Yes.’ She nodded, with an encouraging smile and she meant it. All the anger, the hatred, the hurt she had ever felt towards him since he had labeled and bashed her back in Nanital now left her, for she could see true recompense in his eyes for saying what he had said in his ignorance. While she wasn’t happy about what he had said to her, she let it go because she saw that not only did he regret it, he finally saw her for who she truly was and she wanted nothing more than that, from him or anyone else. He didn’t judge her for her one act, not anymore and that was all that mattered.
‘Khushi……’ he began not knowing what to say. ‘Thank you, Khushi. I swear I really am sorry and I will do whatever it takes to become worthy of this forgiveness.’ He exclaimed as he bounded into a hug, surprising her.
After the initial shock wore off, she returned the hug, to let him know that she really bore him no hard feelings. But as she nestled her head next to his neck she couldn’t help but soak in the warmth that generated from him: the warmth of acceptance. It felt good to know that he didn’t resent her anymore. That he didn’t find her repulsive, like the other important people in her life did. He cradled her in his arms and she rocked with him. She had entered into the hug consoling him but now it was him consoling her and it felt good. It felt good to let her worries, anger, pain disappear in his welcoming embrace. They stayed in each others’ arms for a long time, not wanting to let go of the other, for both made the other feel wanted, needed. Together, the loneliness that had drowned them for so long seeped away. It was only when Arnav’s phone rang, did they both spring apart, wondering how long they had stayed in each others’ hold and secretly wishing they could have stayed on for a little longer.
‘Hello.’ Arnav spoke into the phone, answering it to avoid the embarrassment that was evident in his eyes as well as hers’.
‘What? Oh yeah, yeah I’m at LaANK..what? No. No Aman, there is no need for you to come in, I just needed to mend a relationship with an important client, which is done now, so don’t worry about it.’ He said whilst looking at Khushi, who was shocked to hear that the “important client” he was referring to was her, but pleased too, to know that she was important to him. ‘What?!! OF COURSE NOT AMAN!!’ he suddenly shouted, making her jump. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not fired! Why would you think that?!....Aman just because I don’t call you in on one weekend doesn’t mean that I have let you go, ok? You still have a job and I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, capice. No go off and enjoy your Sunday with your family and let me get on with my business, if I need I will call you.’ He added, just to ensure he understood that he wasn’t unemployed. He cut the phone, shaking his head, apparently the guard at the gate had notified Aman that Arnav had come in which had then sent him in a frenzy, as Arnav never went in to work on a weekend without calling him in too. Thus it had made him think that he had finally done something that had made Arnav decide to let him go.
‘All ok?’ Khushi asked, trying not to sound nervous regarding the hug that had taken place just before the phone call.
‘Hunh? Oh yeah. That was Aman…just being Aman.’ He said, not really knowing how to explain the conversation that had taken place. She nodded, then unable to think of anything else to say, she turned to leave. ‘Khushi, wait.’ Arnav called, she turned instantly.
‘Yes?’
‘Um…I…you…you really have forgiven me right?’ he needed to be sure. Needed to hear it from her again, that she had meant what she said, truly and not just because she had wanted him to stop apologizing to her.
‘Yes Arnav ji. I meant what I said.’ She smiled, making him smile.
‘Uh…but…umm…is there, is there anything I can do for you? I mean I want to… I need to be worthy of this apology that you have given me.’
‘You already are Arnav ji, you don’t have to do anything for it. Really you don’t.’ She reassured him. ‘You have no ill–feelings towards me that’s all that matters to me. I don’t want anything from you or anyone else for that matter.’ She said softly, then unable to stop herself from confessing her true desire she went on, ‘All I want is for my family to accept me, I don’t expect or want their forgiveness, for I don’t deserve it, all I want for them is to look at me and know that I am still their Khushi, who gets scared at night. Who scarfs down a whole plate of jalebis, when upset or happy. Who listens animatedly to all of Bauji and Buaji’s childhood stories and later drives Buaji crazy with them. Who giggles like a baby with Jiji over the stupidest of things, who…who is their Khushi: everything with them, nothing without them.’ She ranted sadly, as she sunk into the lonely dressing room chair, shaking with grief at being alienated from her family.
Her face was cupped in her hands and her shoulders hunched so that her view was completely blocked from Arnav, thus when he approached her she did not notice, it was only when he made contact did her whole being register it, causing sudden paralysis by the unexpected gesture.
RSS Feed
